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Chuck Norris Jokes


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Chuck Norris Jokes

  #1 (permalink)
 
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 Big Mike 
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Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris can squeeze apple juice out of a banana.

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 wskid 
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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

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Chuck Norris created the Internet to instantaneously send pictures of himself to people he was about to kill. No one has ever had time to open one of these emails.

Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!

Chuck Norris built Rome in a day.

Gravity only exists because Chuck Norris allows it to.

Chuck Norris once gave Vin Diesel and friendly noogie. Vin's hair never grew back.

Chuck Norris fought the law, and he won.

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 PrymeTyme 
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Chuck Norris doesent set a stopp loss , the price is to scared to run against his position

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 Turning Point 
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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. They changed the name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up enough courage to let him know.... (which is close to one of my favorites)....

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the lights on...he turns the dark out.

Chuck Norris checkmates in 1 move....this is referred to the Norris opening in Chess circles.

If at first you dont' succeed....you definetly aren't Chuck Norris.

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 Gary 
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for supreme martial arts skills; after obtaining his awesome karate powers he proceeded to round house kick the devil in his face for his soul back. The devil, a fan of irony, now plays poker with Chuck on Wednesdays.

Lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice because it knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.

Chuck Norris once visited the US Virgin Islands. Now they are just called the US Islands.

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 Michael.H 
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Chuck Norris was bit by a cobra once and and after 5 days of excruciating pain the cobra died.

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 redratsal 
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 redratsal 
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 Michael.H 
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redratsal View Post


Goddam that was funny. I like how they formed a single formation for him to cross.

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