New Beginnings: The Journal of a Trader's Journey to Equanimity
I am filled with much gratitude for being referred to this site. Although I want to give that person the recognition he deserves, I need complete anonymity to feel safe to write in my journal, as my story fills me with much shame and pain.
It's late at night and I will just write that my trading goal tomorrow is to practice using stops in trades that others call out in the room where I trade. It doesn't matter if I earn or lose money -- just that I traded with stops (six ticks) and allowed them to successfully take me out on losing trades.
The following 5 users say Thank You to plethora for this post:
A trade was called in the morning on the 6e. I did not take it. I don't know why I wrote yesterday that I would take the group's trades today as I seldom do. I have too many trust ssues to take someone else's trade. When the trade was called I looked at my charts and did not see the setup because I have setup my charts slightly differently with heiken ashi candlesticks. Then the member got stopped out at which point I saw the confirmation to enter nearly the same
trade. I went long 3 contracts on the 6E at 1.3085. It moved up 7 ticks and characteristically I did not take my profit. Then it coiled down and I got stopped-out at breakeven. If I had a penny for every winning trade that turned into not only a loser but a huge loser, I would probably have broken even this past year. I ask myself if I feel that I don't deserve the profit? The problem is that I am always trading my P&L instead of managing the position wisely and think that
I can make back all my losses in one trade.
The same exact thing happened on my second trade. I tried the same trade again. I went long 3 contracts on the 6E at 1.2085, It moved up 7 ticks, I didn't take any profit, and it coiled back down below my entry point. But once again I was happy that I used a stop and moved it to break-even, less the commission. The reason I told myself that I didn't take a profit is because I was trying to catch an up trend, looking for a relatively long-term, swing day trade. I put all my eggs
in one basket. I speak about this ad nauseum in therapy, which I entered to understand my trading. We discuss how my relationships with people are similar. I want everything from one person instead of welcoming and accepting the many gifts and benefits I could receive from many people.
The third time I wanted to take that same exact trade, I initially didn't have confirmation with the stochs and exerted restraint that was tough to find. I wanted to take that trade as I saw the 6e move up higher and pass the six tick move from earlier. I was resolved that I might be passing up a trade that would move up as i had initially hoped, but knew I had to follow my rules. One day at a time. Then the stoch turned up and I placed a limit order one tick lower than where the market was and entered a stop again. Woohoo. I didn't like the price action and put in another limit order for a one tick profit to cover my commissions. I got scared because it seemed like the market had literally stopped. It was so slow, there wasn't any volume. That single tick profit to cover fees didn't hit fast enough so I just broke even again. And then of course the 6E IMMEDIATELY moved up higher surpassing the earlier moves up. I decided to take a break and watch it move up hugely. Had I given the last trade time, I would have seen +15.
Negative Emotions invade me. i.e, why i can allow a five digit losses but not the space of a $225 stop to trigger? My confirmation on this trade was the 500 tick chart turning green as well as the three minute candle confirmed by the stochs pointing up and nine ma crossing over above the 13 ma.
On a positive note I found NinjaTrader Webinars today and have been glued to them. Boy do I make things difficult for myself. All in all I'm thrilled that I traded with stops today and am down only $48 on fees.
Tomorrow? My goal is to trade with stops and take a three tick profit on trades that move positive.
The following 2 users say Thank You to plethora for this post:
You need to stop trading real money and sim trade 100% according the rules.
Do it now or you will blow up your account slowly. I blew up 1 account by not following rules and blew up a second account because of overtrading. I fixed those things but I was too impatient to sim trade and that was wrong.
You are also prone to revenge trading, revenge trading is a sure way to loose all your money VERY fast
The following 2 users say Thank You to MetalTrade for this post:
My story is about the same as Metaltrade's. I have one question.........why are you trading 3 contracts Plethora??? I used to do that and it took 3 blown accounts before I realized I didn't know what I was doing. So I regrouped and started trading 1 contract at a time until my account had enough to add another contract. I only added more contracts when my account would warrant it. Now I'm trading 3 contracts and thats good enough for me. I remove the excess monies out of my account as it accumulates. I still struggle with overtrading and thats why I remove the excess. Trading can be very emotional. So for me, if its not in my account......I can't trade it.
Hope this helps,
The following 4 users say Thank You to trs3042 for this post: