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My previous behavior/pattern has been:
1. Learn some trading strategies.
2. Sim trade (a little).
3. Jump into live trading (albeit small in size, with Micro's)
4. Build confidence with some small winners.
5. Destroy confidence with some big losers.
6. Go back to drawing board, read books, watch videos, observe others.
7. Start a private journal to log my efforts.
8. Repeat steps 3-7 a few times; with the exception that depending on how big the losses are, live trading stops for several days or a week, as confidence is rather crushed and the fear of losing more and more becomes greater.
9. Account liquidation. No more trading allowed (at least in one account)
#9 just happened this morning. I’m kicking myself again for breaking my rules. Ironically, I started off this morning with the resolve that I would only sim trade, to get back into my groove, as yesterday was a losing day as well. That didn’t last too long, as FOMO kicked in something fierce.
I’ve got a trading rule posted on my monitor that says, trade what you see, not what you think. I understand this point academically. But when I saw the market surge to all time highs (NQ, MNQ), I couldn’t resist shorting it. C’mon, almost 10 straight green candle days (yesterday was red, but it still felt green with the late day surge and bullish hammer formation)…and with everything happening in this world: the COVID-19 pandemic, protest/riots, mass unemployment, business closures. How in the world is the market still rocketing skyward? Yup, my thoughts/beliefs took over, and I just had to short where I perceived we were close to a top. That’s another rule I broke, picking tops and bottoms. I saw the trend going up, in a rather parabolic fashion. But that didn’t matter…this time, it would capitulate, the rug would get pulled, and we’d finally get some sane selling. Not sure where the market will end-up today, but my account went into liquidation mode when the NQ hit 9841.25…which seems rather poetic, in that It’s like pretty close to the daily high (or for that matter ATH), and if I could’ve held on, my loss would likely be a nice gain.
After giving this some thought for the past hour or 2, and going for a walk. I think the account liquidation is the best thing that could’ve happened to me. My own personal capitulation. My trading rock bottom.
I signed up for this trading journal challenge a couple of days ago, but didn’t give it much serious thought. That has definitely changed. My fear, is that i’m going to be posting my failures for all to see. People will think poorly of me! Who wants to be thought of as a failure? I was keeping a private journal…but the problem, is that it was hit-or-miss. Rarely did write in the journal more than 3 days in a row. Often times, after experiencing a bad trading day, I likely wouldn’t write in the journal at all. Instead, I would rely on my super-power of emotional compartmentalism. Just take those shitty losing feelings, put them in a box, and file it away…not to be looked at again. This behavior is not sustainable. I need to review where I went wrong, where I went right, learn, practice and improve. I’ve been a member here for several years, but have just been an observer, not an active participant.
I’ve got some great trading psych books (ie: Trading in the Zone by Mark Douglas and The Daily Trading Coach by Steenbarger), and academically know what I should do…but it’s the implementation and being held accountable for it. I believe this public journal will just the place for that.
My account with Tradovate is pretty much zero’d out (debating whether I should add more funds). I have an account with NinjaTrader, which is my new ground zero (actually had some wins in it today).
Taking time to reflect on these things this weekend. I’m open to comments and criticism.
I now make the commitment to journal, every day I trade, for better or for worse.
Step 1 complete.
Thanks in advance to you all for listening, providing feedback and support.
tradrdude, can't offer you any advice here but what I can do is tell you you are not alone in your trading. Other than going into liquidation almost everything you touched on could or does apply to me. I just started my journal a week or so ago hoping it would help me be more accountable but there is a side of me that struggles to stay on point, follow my rules. For most of my journal entries I've made there is a bit of shame for me in that I struggle to be patient enough to follow my rules. For anyone following what I'm doing is probably a little confusing. But the journal I've started is for me and my accountability (viewers be ware). I was thinking about not posting my last couple of trading sessions but after reading your journal have decided to go ahead and post them. Hang in there tradrdude!
traderdude,
As JAMAL states you are not alone. I have kept a blown out account alive with a small amount just to keep the data feed. Purposely haven't' funded it again yet, so I don't get tempted to trade live. I have tried to keep private journals, but they tend to fade away when things start to go bad. I think the public journal is a good way to be accountable, and possibly get some advice along the way. Everything you wrote could have been my own words.
I think that the steps you are going through are the the same steps that every successful (and unsuccessful) trader goes through. The ability to learn from them and find out how you need to change to implement your own rules "academically", is different for us all.
Keep on working at it. Recognizing our weakness and how to adjust for them has been my hardest task. Still is, so I like to make my trading like a program to keep my emotions out of it. Like playing golf, knowing that my game falls apart when I'm in the water or a trap, I still have the urge to crush my drive, then watch it land in the danger.
