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iqGod's Own Country

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  #101 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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bobwest View Post
Very cool.

It shows that our obstacles are personal and psychological, more than technical or a matter of knowledge....

Congratulations.

Bob.

And yes!

To date I have done approximately a dozen combines, some abandoned, many many rolled-over for years! Habits need to be reshaped a bit!

It (this routine) has established a comfort zone and I will be edging myself out of this comfy hobbit hole and will ultimately face my dragons.

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  #102 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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bobwest View Post
Very cool.

It shows that our obstacles are personal and psychological, more than technical or a matter of knowledge....

Congratulations.

Bob.


iqgod View Post
“You gotta let go of all that stuff in the past because it doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.” – Po to Shen


https://shepherdsvoice.com.ph/media/ebooks/yourpast_1stChapter.pdf

Bo Sanchez’s book “Your Past Does Not Define Your Future” might just be one of the defining moments of my life. It doesn’t matter what your past failures or hardships are, what matters is the future you make for yourself. Though I am not a Christian the message from the book rings crystal clear.




This book reminded me of a story which my best friend of many years shared with me:



Today I am going to share the story of my best friend.

He was sexually abused when he was seven years old. The abuser was his neighbor’s son, who was 10
years older than him. The neighbor’s son used to exercise on the terrace of our building – a lonely dimly
lit place. He was strong and powerfully built south Indian and wore the traditional south Indian lungi.

One day he asked him to join him for exercise. He happily trotted upstairs; he was in awe of him. First he
showed push-ups but then told him to stand in front of him. He then started painful abuse. Then he let
him off after what seemed like a grueling time.

To this day he hates for not being violent at that point. He felt like a coward and deepened the shame he
felt.

There is no further recall of his feelings of that incident. It was buried deep within him, and he thought it
was shelved forever.

Molested victims take one of two paths: Either they hate sex and will not have anything to do with the
opposite gender – or they become addicted to sex. He took the second path – he became bonded to
masturbation and porn. He hated himself every time he took a wrong step. Every time he resolved to
not do it he would stay put for two or three days but would fall again soon. He felt completely helpless.
He was a good person but would feel like a hypocrite; as if shackled to this sick way of life and would
feel dirty and filthy, and felt irreconcilable.

The thought that drove him was “Perhaps you deserved it.” This irrational thinking and insane logic
prevailed just like it did for all victims – they were abused because it was their fault. The victims who felt
that at their core – minus their talents – they were completely unlovable. Thus he hated himself, and
hence they hunger for love. He couldn’t find love either because it wasn’t given to him or rejected it
because he didn’t love himself – and hence he found the substitute - addiction. Pleasurable feelings
stimulated intense feelings of being loved – what he was searching for.

The same insane logic prevailed in his relationships – he became an approval addict by allowing others
to emotionally abuse him. Approval from others became his all-consuming motive for all that he did in
his life. Every action, word, deed was designed to make people like him – a desperate hunt for love.

If someone close to him disapproved anything of his he would melt and die. So he avoided conflict with
everyone because of which he was thought of as a patient person. He was not angry at others when he
should have been! He became ashamed of HIM. He became ashamed of who he was. His defining
emotion was SHAME.

Is parents were wonderful and loving but like any parents they had their flaws. Firstly they were not
physically affectionate – no hugs or ‘I love you son.’ Ever. And he ever told them about the molestation
and still hasn’t. He was plodding through the world alone.

Till date he hasn’t shared his secret with another human face except his wife. Till now. He was afraid
that everyone would reject him if he did.

But it was a risk he had to take. Because he had to heal himself before he could truly become a success
in his own eyes.

You see, my best friend is me. I am my own best friend. This is my story.

I have been avoiding my past hurts and the abuse I suffered in my early life, I have been running away
from the truth.

Just do the right thing, I said. Just trade well and you will be there.

But my monsters have been growing and growing all these decades because I have never faced my inner
pain. When I pretend not to have a past it seems there is no desperation, no despair.

But there is now a real desperate need to. If I am to transcend from my broken record state of being a
breakeven scratch trader and move on in life, I need to accept that I had been sick – to confront all my
feelings of shame, anger and sorrow… I realized that when I said I had driven through a dozen combines,
simply running hard enough to stay where I was, as if on a treadmill. It is time to move ahead on the
path.

I am here to build from failures. I am broken and humble and use the shards of my reality to create a
beautiful microcosm. Instead of channeling my brokenness into poetry and writing I need to stop frantic
activity which is another drug of escape and sit quietly, mindfully. The deep hurt that needs to be
transcended is a Goliath – it is not easy to face it squarely. It is a fact that I have been staying in a place
of defeat purposefully, failing in trading subconsciously instead of acting in my best interests.
It is time to abandon what I still keep relating to as a home that I knew as a child. A familiar place of
sorrow and defeat where I must never go back again.

I visit this place every time I start a combine or open a trading account. It is a feeling as if being rich and
having plentiful abundance is not my destiny. Every time I succeed I become a rebel. A part of me
screams: “This isn’t me! This is me who can reach profit targets so easily, like stealing candy from a
baby! I don’t deserve this!” This gnaws into my bones and actually causes me physical pain. And
suddenly I want out – a one tick profit and I am done for the day… destroy, destroy this chance to win a
funded account, a new life. It is a path of sabotage. As if going home again to the place of sorrow and
abuse, comfortable to be the same old me.

However once I write it down and bring it out of the shadows and am face to face with – here on the
form, on the internet, for the world to see – I already feel liberated. I have begun my path to success.

I am crying, angry with myself for bursting out on a public forum, just slightly in the shadows from
behind a thin veil of anonymity that my id affords.

Today I am allowing you to love my weaknesses. I am trying to remove masks. Because if I am to love
myself genuinely I cannot wear a mask. My fellow strugglers, I hope you will love me truly because deep
down we are searching for the same things in life.

Today, I take responsibility. To make choices that address my need for loving me. All my trading is
directed to this goal. There is no will-power tactic to make it happen. The action is created in the same
truth that I have been created in. By being a bramhachari, I can channel my energies to attain business
success! How? I will stay focused on fulfilling my dreams! I will be and am now - desperate, focused,
passionate – because of which I am calm! It is just happening…. It is giving me peace, balance, discipline
and I am taking my life back from talons of hateful addictions and automatic self-christened labels.
But… My healing process will never be completed, my struggles will continue, lest I lower my guard,
overconfident or just plain lazy.

My actions keep / will keep setting me free….

Join me on my journey as I gain my freedom, a freedom that I have chosen, shaped and take
responsibility for. I am getting real NOW. I do not deny that I have addictions. I am a full-blooded human
being who has joys, hurts, is given opportunities, have the dark potential to mess them, AND the
blessings of my abilities to shape them into accomplishments.

If I pay for a combine, and not go anywhere, I am accountable. Either I can choose to stay miserable by
not following my plan and being wimp and trading impulsively or I could start winning by facing my
opportunity and risk in full acceptance of the outcome. My past does not remove the burden of
responsibility from my shoulders. I have the complete degrees of freedom to respond to situations – this
freedom is placed into my own hands my myself by TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. My inner character is my
own sculpture, my own creation. Once I identify what it is that is influencing my decisions, if it is wrong I
remove it from my future decisions and thus place myself in a position of advantage. From my love of
myself and others comes courage, faith, patience, and the sum total that is the power to trade well.

This journal is my accountability partner, my support group, my place to receive tough love, honest
feedback where I will share my reality consistently and nourish myself enough to live my dream and
cause growth to build me and those around me.

Finally, I ask for forgiveness because though I keep trying trying trying the actions do not walk the talk
and hence one additional thing is that I will be brave and not hide from my monsters anymore, and won’t
pretend everything is Okay if I rollover a combine or achieve piddling success at the end of the year. This
is my self-driving motivation to act without fear and my force for change.

So I have built upon a ruin and have become more real to myself and to you. Honesty is contagious. My
journey isn’t over yet!

Here is to a life of a trader!

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  #103 (permalink)
 bobwest 
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iqgod View Post
So I have built upon a ruin and have become more real to myself and to you. Honesty is contagious. My
journey isn’t over yet!

Bravely done.

Thank you.

Bob.

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  #104 (permalink)
 Daytrader999 
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iqgod View Post
....Today I am allowing you to love my weaknesses. I am trying to remove masks. Because if I am to love myself genuinely I cannot wear a mask. My fellow strugglers, I hope you will love me truly because deep
down we are searching for the same things in life.

....

So I have built upon a ruin and have become more real to myself and to you. Honesty is contagious. My
journey isn’t over yet!

Here is to a life of a trader!

...I'm so sorry but I'm afraid I can't find the right words to describe what I'm thinking and feeling since it's just too difficult or rather impossible for me to express this in a foreign language...

But at least I want to give you a very sincere and heartfelt 'Thank you' for sharing your insight of this extremely difficult chapter of your life with such an openness and honesty here on the forum.

And as you can see, you're not alone...you've got a lot of friends and fellows around here which are going to support you at any time you need it...so keep going and stay on your path my friend.


All the best to you !

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn
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  #105 (permalink)
 tturner86 
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You may have felt like a coward when you were younger, but you are no coward today. I don't know many grown men who could have done what you just did.

Congrats and best of luck.

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  #106 (permalink)
 josh 
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You just showed courage that very few possess, @iqgod. You are very worthy of love and respect--no amount of trading success or failure could increase or decrease your ability to be loved by others. I admire you now even more than I did before.

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  #107 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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I returned to my journal trembling. I am reduced to tears once again (in office! thank god I booked a discussion room!).

Thank you everybody. I love you all!

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  #108 (permalink)
 Itchymoku 
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The great thing about this forum is that we have each other. It's a form of support even though we may not entirely know each other. The more we know, the more we see that we are all very similar. Addiction and trading go hand in hand but if you follow trading far enough you'll start seeing into yourself and ways to transcend, become better, and better at simply being the person you want to be. Call it what you will but trading confronts character defects. It brings it face to face.

R.I.P. Joseph Bach (Itchymoku), 1987-2018.
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 PandaWarrior 
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While I messaged you privately regarding your post, I want to share something public.

It is my belief that what you shared, specifically the abuse issue, is something that many many men and women suffer early on in life. I am also convinced it is the root of many problems we face emotionally and mentally and that releasing it and forgiveness are the keys to healing.....(unfortunately I have personal experience with this within my own family so I know what I'm talking about here)

I'm stunned at your honesty here in public. Grateful that you did, and looking forward to hearing stories of success.

Brian

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, Leonardo da Vinci


Most people chose unhappiness over uncertainty, Tim Ferris
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  #110 (permalink)
Gill1
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Iq-

Look forward to hearing more successful stories.

Good Luck

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  #111 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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I applied for a $30,000 Combine yesterday and tomorrow is my first trading day.

I am a Bob Volman price action scalper. I like to hold winning trades for 8-ticks only and in complement I despise keeping losing trades going for more than ten minutes. Thus I trade with a small stop and a fixed 8-tick target. I am not afraid to be wronged by the market and accept it even if it continues to move my way after stopping me out on the small technical stop. The timing of the trade is the most important.

The reason I am taking the Combine now is because I want to test myself as a trader. I want to focus on improving my discipline and patience, and having zero accountability. I really like the very strict risk management rules of the Combine and I believe it has and will improve my trading. I would like getting funded with a larger account. While in the combine and also when I am funded I trade both TST and my own account.

The Plan

.. is very simple. I have seven setups. All discretionary and all of them revolve around the 20 EMA. I will be keeping tabs on Gold, E-mini, Euro and Crude. I always strive to trade less. This method allows me to take less than six trades per day and two one-lot positions simultaneously, stopping when I reach 3 losers. Usually I never risk more than one position to avoid distraction.

The 20-day combine requires an average of $75 profit per day. However in reality an average day would need to be $150 or greater to keep going smoothly and 11 winning days out of 20 traded days.

I hope you enjoy this journal and I will post everyday.

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 PandaWarrior 
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iqgod View Post
I applied for a $30,000 Combine yesterday and tomorrow is my first trading day.

I am a Bob Volman price action scalper. I like to hold winning trades for 8-ticks only and in complement I despise keeping losing trades going for more than ten minutes. Thus I trade with a small stop and a fixed 8-tick target. I am not afraid to be wronged by the market and accept it even if it continues to move my way after stopping me out on the small technical stop. The timing of the trade is the most important.

The reason I am taking the Combine now is because I want to test myself as a trader. I want to focus on improving my discipline and patience, and having zero accountability. I really like the very strict risk management rules of the Combine and I believe it has and will improve my trading. I would like getting funded with a larger account. While in the combine and also when I am funded I trade both TST and my own account.

The Plan

.. is very simple. I have seven setups. All discretionary and all of them revolve around the 20 EMA. I will be keeping tabs on Gold, E-mini, Euro and Crude. I always strive to trade less. This method allows me to take less than six trades per day and two one-lot positions simultaneously, stopping when I reach 3 losers. Usually I never risk more than one position to avoid distraction.

The 20-day combine requires an average of $75 profit per day. However in reality an average day would need to be $150 or greater to keep going smoothly and 11 winning days out of 20 traded days.

I hope you enjoy this journal and I will post everyday.

Good luck and mind your health.....

7 set ups X 4 products means you are scanning 28 different potential set ups simultaneously. That seems like a lot. Did I miss something here....it seems complicated instead of simple....just asking....

And I mean it, good luck on the combine.....

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, Leonardo da Vinci


Most people chose unhappiness over uncertainty, Tim Ferris
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 Daytrader999 
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iqgod View Post
I applied for a $30,000 Combine yesterday and tomorrow is my first trading day.

The reason I am taking the Combine now is because I want to test myself as a trader. I want to focus on improving my discipline and patience, and having zero accountability. I really like the very strict risk management rules of the Combine and I believe it has and will improve my trading. I would like getting funded with a larger account. While in the combine and also when I am funded I trade both TST and my own account.

I hope you enjoy this journal and I will post everyday.

Good luck for the Combine my friend, I really hope you make it !

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn
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  #114 (permalink)
 bobwest 
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PandaWarrior View Post
Good luck and mind your health.....
...
And I mean it, good luck on the combine.....


Daytrader999 View Post
Good luck for the Combine my friend, I really hope you make it !

I totally agree. I'll be watching with interest, and hoping for your success.

Bob.

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  #115 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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Winning games right now is less important than overcoming nervousness.

If I look only for measurable success, it may be a one-dimensional existence. It is possible to go through life being so focused on external achievement that you forget to appreciate the wonders of nature, neglect to love those closest to you, and never stop to reflect on your broader life purpose. You need to make a distinction between a compulsion to succeed for the sake of winning, and a desire for success that will enrich your life and those of others.

The value in winning is only as great as the value of the goal reached. Here I simply focus on being a quiet model of one good trade at a time. Uncluttered with words or instructions, a still mind makes for the best performance. I hope to temporarily withhold judgments of success or failure but notice what is. To play best, you must live every second in the present. This is concentration. The moment you really notice things you are not worrying about what will happen next or hitting yourself for the trades you missed. A burst of creativity comes from existing in the moment.

Because scalping stresses on the importance of the physical action (placing a trade), you usually want to rely upon your quick intuitive system, rather than forcing your slower analytical thinking system. But analytical thinking may still be useful - trading involves strategy! You are facing something more challenging than your deficiencies alone: highly skilled opponents!

As @PandaWarrior rightly said, the intuition has to work out complex strategies and the probabilities of different setups reaching target - and right about focus so that I am not likely to make unforced errors. The technique: Get in touch with my inner self on each trade and remain relaxed. But understand the overall odds of a specific situation. If the odds are in favor, afford to play them else stay safe.

If I can notice what is happening without too much judgment I will naturally maintain concentration and seize opportunities. I am confident this time. Living in sunshine instead of the shadows.

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  #116 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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Well, a bit of it atleast - and it had almost hit my stop....



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 Scalpingtrader 
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iqgod - thank you!
So many people carry their own personal demons but it takes much more than "living with it" for what you did here.
From that alone I can tell, even though I prior to your writing felt like that, that you are a Person of courage, kindness and outright, HONEST, not staged, friendliness!

That being said, I too will be doing a 30k Combine, beginning next monday.
So let us resolve to striving for excellence, together. No matter how long it takes

As long as we evolve, we enable ourselves to reach our own, self-determined destiny, regardless of personal past or other people's beliefs.

Good Luck my friend.

ST

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  #118 (permalink)
 Underexposed 
Calgary Alberta/Canada
 
 
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@iqgod - Your story struck a real cord with me. I did not suffer physical abuse...mine was mental abuse from an abusive now-ex wife. The problem with being a man is that often we do not have the support from male friends the way women have. You can imagine my reluctance to discuss the verbal mental abuse I was suffering...I am 6'4" 240lbs and my ex was 5'2" and 140lbs...I could just imagine the chuckles and innuendo that would travel if my secret got out...bad enough what my ex was saying about me.

Anyway, eventually my son graduated from university and was on his own and it was then that I escaped that marriage.

The wounds are still there as I think you would agree. Trust on a personal level is very difficult, I find. I escaped into a poetry website and found support there in the hiding behind an alias...but it helped. Getting close on a personal basis is still difficult for me...one seems to always look for signs that the person is untrustworthy and that gets in the way of a real connection.

I see a lot of support in this website....feed off of that....it does help. Don't worry about me offering advice ...I have no clue what you are doing...hahaha...you dance with the girl you brought to the dance

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  #119 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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Did not hold... exited short at one tick profit instead of 10 ticks.



Here is the index chart (underlying):


Real money trade. TST hasn't sent login details mail yet.

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  #120 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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I had selected "Thursday" during TST registration, but it seems the system did not start me on this Thursday.

To avoid the holiday stretch in between which would come right at the start of the combine if I started next week I requested them to start the combine from 4th of September which they did (ends 10th November).

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 iqgod 
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If I take a look at my trades on ES this week, ALL have been countertrend shorts.

Successful, yes.

But I kept feeling that had I gone long somewhere and held I would have done better.

This trend from the speed of it does look like it will go into a blow off phase, the frenzy that brings out the animal spirits; similar to the dot com boom.

That is about "The Story". Wanting a big slice of the trend is greed. Wanting confirmation and surety is another emotion which is best served by taking these countertrend scalps where you can "see" the order flow and get a percentage wise huge win rate - that is psychological comfort. But trading is definitely not about being comfortable, safe and sure. However I am relaxed and still confident that I am taking what the market gives me in the now moment, albeit in a much smaller way than possible.

Something to ponder on....

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 Scalpingtrader 
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... Wanting a big slice of the trend is greed...
... However I am relaxed and still confident that I am taking what the market gives me in the now moment, albeit in a much smaller way than possible.

Something to ponder on....

That was one of the first lessons I had to learn early on (the hard way, as so often )

There is no way that we can get each and every move and ride it to the very last tick.
But once one finally understands and worships that, it reveals another, much more comforting truth:

There is no Need to get it all. Even a tiny fraction of all movement is more than enough to do very, very well.
AND you then have plenty of time to actually live - without regretting not being in front of the tradingplattform

ST

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 iqgod 
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comforting truth:

There is no Need to get it all.

Even a tiny fraction of all movement is more than enough to do very, very well.


ST

Well said!

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 iqgod 
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This ES short seemed like a heroic act until it justified itself - there was no reason to not take this trade once it dropped out of the box:




(posting index, approximate trade locations - again, I exited too early)

Result +$75 on one lot

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 iqgod 
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I need to get better - did not get stopped out since stop was beyond edge of this range, but silly of me to be taking these trades instead of waiting for the range boundaries to be hit (at which point entry made perfect sense). Three one tick winners.


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 iqgod 
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 iqgod 
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Here was how it went from there:


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 iqgod 
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The TST combine starts tomorrow!

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 Daytrader999 
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The TST combine starts tomorrow!

I wish you best of luck my friend, go for it!

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn
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Good trading and stay healthy.

Regards,

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The TST combine starts tomorrow!


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 iqgod 
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It was a class 3 setup - a three tick profit vs. a nine tick stop.

And no, although I had a fair idea the market would come near my stop, (mainly because I had entered prematurely), I had no idea than it would hit my target and from that tick onwards start tanking in such a shocking manner. Though I was flattered to be on the right side before it started the descent, really, I had no idea of the viciousness of that move. Rather I would have had my target higher than than had not I 'sensed' that it would be likely to form a double bottom. Hmmm. +$37.50.

The trade:



Approximate locations on EURUSD spot M1 chart:


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This book reminded me of a story which my best friend of many years shared with me:

So I have built upon a ruin and have become more real to myself and to you. Honesty is contagious. My
journey isn’t over yet!

Here is to a life of a trader!

This is a very inspiring post. I am not a scalper, yet i keep coming to your journal just to hear you, the way you connect life & trading as one into the other.

Keep up your good work!!!

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 iqgod 
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What is this 'intuition' that I talk about - the one that makes me violate rules sometimes and yet be calm and perfectly okay with it?

I doubt that I know the answer!

Anyway, here is the exit in perspective - couldn't have timed the sell any better - no, I haven't shorted there just squared off - then I left for my day job and logged in sometime back to see this!




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 iqgod 
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Like a silly child obsessed with something that accidentally makes him a hero, I looked with awe once again for 'selling the top to the very last tick' so to speak. It is silly that I consider it because it was pure coincidence. A fooled by randomness event, so to speak.

Here is how it looks like:




Which is balderwash, and it would be pulling wool over your eyes if I puff myself up and say 'Hey, I sold the top.' Pretty silly it would make me feel. :-)

On a more serious note, here is a 10-tick target trade I took a few moments ago that is countertrend but seems well on its way to its target:



The fun part is that I was so occupied with life's mundane chores today that the little two hour trade I took today (that top thing) was the only time I got for trading today so day 1 concludes as a +$32 day. Perfectly acceptable, really. A really productive day in office and an evening well spent. How could I not resist my little daughter's tug at my shirt sleeve when she wanted to come and give her a swing. :-)

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 iqgod 
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 iqgod 
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 iqgod 
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Account is up and stands at +$30,197.

The two early trades I took were not setup based and hence I scratched them. I did think that a 3 - 4 target was achievable but was not prepared for anything.




The third trade was executed perfectly, long from the bottom of the range and it hit my target at 8 ticks (my method target is 10 ticks but my experience is that T4 leaves me high and dry as it does not simulate a fill at the edges of a range, i.e. even when the queue of sellers dwindles it still hasn't given me a fill even though I was in the queue, so I settle with 8 ticks.) It did go to 11 - 12 ticks though, to give credit!




The fourth trade was selling the edge of the range (covered quickly)

The fifth trade is where I goofed up, losing -$150 (fat finger error). It is trades like this, out of my pattern that have potential to unleash tilt. However good sense prevailed. You need to accept what happens, error or no error.



However the fumbling had caused me to lose my touch, even though I did not do mad things. So I just patiently waited for a technical exit. News was about to hit but I had my stops alright and soon the news turned out to be a boon driving price to my expected levels. Further trading was out of question because bars were being spit out on the screen like crazy and though I could see many setups flying by it was too much risk. Never lose your appetite over anything, so its a day for me.

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 iqgod 
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Have a great weekend, everyone!

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 iqgod 
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Today's net profit is $205 and account is up and stands at +$30,402. (Side tidbit: TST has applied reduced commissions from today! $3.68 per RT instead of older $5)

Here is a snapshot of the trades:





Here is the last of the trades followed by the stats:



Note that for the last buy I entered prematurely and hence had to endure drawdown twice.

Moral: never act out of your turn, let the market lead in the tango so that you know your steps and confidently fling yourself so that your trust that you will fall into its arms leads you naturally.

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 Scalpingtrader 
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... but don't let him lure you into a dance where there is no music...

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 iqgod 
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... but don't let him lure you into a dance where there is no music...

Fantastic! Thanks for that!

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 iqgod 
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The account is up by $9 today after one trade and stands at +$30,411.

I took one trade and have decided to stop as a punishment.

I entered way too early with the excuse that I 'sensed a setup' then watched drawdown and then finally saw a block break long setting up at the bottom of the range which would have yielded my 6 ticks.



The punishment is quite necessary today so that I can stay focused.

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 iqgod 
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Due to 'punishment mode' missed this beautiful block break vacuum to round number long:


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 iqgod 
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I punished myself enough - this is the secong setup I itched to take but "couldn't" because of my self-decided punishment. I watched two setups form in real time without "access" to my trading platform.

I've been taught the lesson of how stress free trading becomes when you take all valid setups, place stops and then watch as tipping points move the stop in the trade's direction till target is reached OR tipping point is taken out.

The mind is clear.


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 iqgod 
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Still smarting from not being "allowed" to have taken those two $200 trades. :-)





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 bobwest 
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Still smarting from not being "allowed" to have taken those two $200 trades. :-)


LOL.

Never saw this before....

Good job so far on the Combine, too.

Bob.

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 iqgod 
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Am playing way too defensive:



Post hasty exit it went on to reach twice its target:




A trader's basic principle is not 'preserve thy capital'. It is 'embrace risk'.

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 iqgod 
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I did not get serious screentime in today, hence had to cover my ass by offsetting that breakeven trade by taking a one tick winner and running back to my busy life. So Day 5 is a single digit figure profitable day.

Better to be plateauing rather than being on a downtrend, so no complaints. Also got to love myself more so that I could focus and complete what I have st to do.

Meanwhile I just took a winning trade on the ES, a perfect Bob Volman setup (edit: on my real account, not TST):


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 iqgod 
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 iqgod 
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Day 6 ends and the account now stands down by -$141 at $30,246.

What happened?

This was the report I was about to post a few hours ago and call it a day (image was titled "Day 6 Ends.jpg") and report was +$93:





However the real report is -$140 which is this - will go into the story as impartially as possible:



I will reserve a post for this because it is important, and also all analysis is still not complete. However for now notice the clustering of losing trades - it signifies tilt.

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 iqgod 
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 iqgod 
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The account is up again at +$30,337.

Courage and conviction are solid friends to put faith in instead of hope and prayer. I was lacking conviction today after going on tilt on Day 6, however I had a bit of it which was enough to get me small winners after all. Good trading is like cycling, you never forget the basic elements if you have enough practice.

The first trade after a losing day was taken in the Asian session, so I took profit at the first MAE - it was a good trade actually but with the slow movement it would have taken three hours to reach my target which results in a lot of depletion.






The second trade was premature and the third was better but was characterized by a similar quick exit even though the IRB range was of excellent quality (though held better in this case). So again, a lack of courage while holding to target made me exit at 2 ticks (for a trade where 6 ticks minimum were plausible).



The third trade was an IRB too, but I was trying to wrap up the day and had closed the platform when the entry hit (after two false breakouts), so lost thee ticks of the move fiddling with platform startup - caught the last and final two ticks of the move after which the market tanked.





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 iqgod 
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 bobwest 
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iqgod View Post
The account is up again at +$30,337.

Courage and conviction are solid friends to put faith in instead of hope and prayer. I was lacking conviction today after going on tilt on Day 6, however I had a bit of it which was enough to get me small winners after all. Good trading is like cycling, you never forget the basic elements if you have enough practice.

The first trade after a losing day was taken in the Asian session, so I took profit at the first MAE - it was a good trade actually but with the slow movement it would have taken three hours to reach my target which results in a lot of depletion.






The second trade was premature and the third was better but was characterized by a similar quick exit even though the IRB range was of excellent quality (though held better in this case). So again, a lack of courage while holding to target made me exit at 2 ticks (for a trade where 6 ticks minimum were plausible).






The third trade was an IRB too, but I was trying to wrap up the day and had closed the platform when the entry hit (after two false breakouts), so lost thee ticks of the move fiddling with platform startup - caught the last and final two ticks of the move after which the market tanked.




Some of your images are not showing (#1, 2, 4 & 5). I have seen this lately -- when it happened to me I could see them, but no one else could, so I didn't know anything was wrong.... Reloading them worked for me.

Thanks for the trades and the commentary.

Bob.

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 iqgod 
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The account is up again at +$30,337.

Courage and conviction are solid friends to put faith in instead of hope and prayer. I was lacking conviction today after going on tilt on Day 6, however I had a bit of it which was enough to get me small winners after all. Good trading is like cycling, you never forget the basic elements if you have enough practice.

The first trade after a losing day was taken in the Asian session, so I took profit at the first MAE - it was a good trade actually but with the slow movement it would have taken three hours to reach my target which results in a lot of depletion.






The second trade was premature and the third was better but was characterized by a similar quick exit even though the IRB range was of excellent quality (though held better in this case). So again, a lack of courage while holding to target made me exit at 2 ticks (for a trade where 6 ticks minimum were plausible).



The third trade was an IRB too, but I was trying to wrap up the day and had closed the platform when the entry hit (after two false breakouts), so lost thee ticks of the move fiddling with platform startup - caught the last and final two ticks of the move after which the market tanked.






bobwest View Post
Some of your images are not showing (#1, 2, 4 & 5). I have seen this lately -- when it happened to me I could see them, but no one else could, so I didn't know anything was wrong.... Reloading them worked for me.

Thanks for the trades and the commentary.

Bob.

Images issue fixed.

Sorry about that slip!

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 iqgod 
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A surge of the 'me' thing
leads to unmindfulness,
buying instead of selling
Trying to outsmart the Marketess,
Trying to predict the fling
Instead of dancing to her steps!
Instead of predicting
Why not let probability do the thinking?

A one tick day where I had an excellent quality Inside Range Break short setup, but what did I do... I did not take it and then I 'saw' them (!) fooling me into taking that short and said "Aha! They are luring me into this short and will soon move the price higher!" Thus I fell prey to amateur thinking but then slapped myself back to my senses and looked for a technical exit, which did come as it usually does after such an IRB and which thankfully made it a one tick winner. The negative was that after I regained mindfulness I moved my stop to a better technical level where it was more likely to be respected (it was.)


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 iqgod 
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The hidden motivations that draw us to trading always should be broght into light.... in the light they lose their power, and your trading becomes simply the execution of a carefully crafted business plan instead of solving of mysteries or proving your worth.

I hope to be more mindful in the coming days instead of wasting bullets like this.


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 iqgod 
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I visit this place every time I start a combine or open a trading account. It is a feeling as if being rich and
having plentiful abundance is not my destiny. Every time I succeed I become a rebel. A part of me
screams: “This isn’t me! This is me who can reach profit targets so easily, like stealing candy from a
baby! I don’t deserve this!” This gnaws into my bones and actually causes me physical pain. And
suddenly I want out – a one tick profit and I am done for the day… destroy, destroy this chance to win a
funded account, a new life. It is a path of sabotage. As if going home again to the place of sorrow and
abuse, comfortable to be the same old me.

Today, I take responsibility. To make choices that address my need for loving me. All my trading is
directed to this goal. There is no will-power tactic to make it happen. The action is created in the same
truth that I have been created in. By being a bramhachari, I can channel my energies to attain business
success! How? I will stay focused on fulfilling my dreams! I will be and am now - desperate, focused,
passionate – because of which I am calm! It is just happening…. It is giving me peace, balance, discipline
and I am taking my life back from talons of hateful addictions and automatic self-christened labels.
But… My healing process will never be completed, my struggles will continue, lest I lower my guard,
overconfident or just plain lazy.

My actions keep / will keep setting me free….

Join me on my journey as I gain my freedom, a freedom that I have chosen, shaped and take
responsibility for. I am getting real NOW. I do not deny that I have addictions. I am a full-blooded human
being who has joys, hurts, is given opportunities, have the dark potential to mess them, AND the
blessings of my abilities to shape them into accomplishments.

If I pay for a combine, and not go anywhere, I am accountable. Either I can choose to stay miserable by
not following my plan and being wimp and trading impulsively or I could start winning by facing my
opportunity and risk in full acceptance of the outcome. My past does not remove the burden of
responsibility from my shoulders. I have the complete degrees of freedom to respond to situations – this
freedom is placed into my own hands my myself by TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. My inner character is my
own sculpture, my own creation. Once I identify what it is that is influencing my decisions, if it is wrong I
remove it from my future decisions and thus place myself in a position of advantage. From my love of
myself and others comes courage, faith, patience, and the sum total that is the power to trade well.

This journal is my accountability partner, my support group, my place to receive tough love, honest
feedback where I will share my reality consistently and nourish myself enough to live my dream and
cause growth to build me and those around me.

Finally, I ask for forgiveness because though I keep trying trying trying the actions do not walk the talk
and hence one additional thing is that I will be brave and not hide from my monsters anymore, and won’t
pretend everything is Okay if I rollover a combine or achieve piddling success at the end of the year. This
is my self-driving motivation to act without fear and my force for change.

So I have built upon a ruin and have become more real to myself and to you. Honesty is contagious. My
journey isn’t over yet!

Here is to a life of a trader!



Quoting the above as a Reminder to myself: love yourself, show that courage which is innate in you, be humble and step over those one tick days without hating yourself for not being higher up on the equity curve, be in the now where all creation is possible and where all destruction can be actively resisted!

More power to me, while I subjugate the 'me' and then when there is no longer an 'I' then act in the natural state with innocent confidence and simple faith.

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 iqgod 
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The account is back exactly to its high watermark of $30,417.

I made a profit of $75 on this trade today. Learning to religiously hold till 10 ticks of target has been a persistent challenge to address which I cannot say 'I did not hold for 10 ticks' - I could've and should've (but didn't) and have to. Either let the trade take out the target or the stop loss. Doesn;t matter if it hits the SL. Rinse repeat.


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 iqgod 
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I suppose same must be of those on the sidelines and looking to be long, double-amplitude:



... and I actually was contemplating a 20-tick target. Coulda shoulda woulda.... for a trader that is akin to gibberish!

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 iqgod 
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Reduce the account highwater mark by commission of 1 contract ($3.68). I got cocky and took a trade where none was warranted and then eventually wormed out of it in a technical exit to get out at breakeven.


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 iqgod 
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Courage, where art though?

Exited at 2 ticks - man, at least pull 5 ticks out of such an exemplary range!



Reason for early exit was the pre-mature entry, as usual.

Look at what a fine quality range it was to get long from!

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 iqgod 
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Here is an observation: For the trade to reach my target or close to target once it is in profit usually takes a small amount of time between one minute to five minutes. At that point there is an urge to:

1. tighten the stop

2. lower the target

3. clench fists

... none of which contributes anything to the bottomline, really.

Then WHY can't I control the urges, passions, lapses, indiscipline, and just LET GO?

If I had let my target at 64 instead of closing at 59 on a momentary urge, I would have been happy.

So it boils down to momentary courage which I will develop further in mindfulness.

Day ends with following stats:



I would be grateful if comments are forthcoming,

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 iqgod 
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Took a final trade in my real account:


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 isla 
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Hi iqgod!

It looks to me that you are taking quite a few trades with inverse risk reward (risk much greater than your target). In my opinion this is one of the reasons you cannot sit in a trade. After being offside multiple ticks you see price trading around your entry and I can easily understand your urge to exit. Not saying anything against inverse risk reward, but you know it is difficult to trade like that in practice. I would imagine if you had couple of hundred trades in your record (properly managed) it could add some confidence. But if you believe you have an edge, then maybe it is just emotions.

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isla View Post
Hi iqgod!

It looks to me that you are taking quite a few trades with inverse risk reward (risk much greater than your target). In my opinion this is one of the reasons you cannot sit in a trade. After being offside multiple ticks you see price trading around your entry and I can easily understand your urge to exit. Not saying anything against inverse risk reward, but you know it is difficult to trade like that in practice. I would imagine if you had couple of hundred trades in your record (properly managed) it could add some confidence. But if you believe you have an edge, then maybe it is just emotions.

That's it!

I think you've hit the nail at the right spot.

Here is the scared exit by moving my stop too tight on the last trade in the real account, once the trade moved two ticks into profit:



A minor stop run triggered the exit... I am almost sure it is well on its way to the achievable 10-tick target right now.

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Pedro40
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Not a judgement, just an observation:

Out of 9 days, 4 ended with a single digit gain, what is basicly a break even aka, nothing. You shouldn't be satisfied with such result unless you brought the account back from deeply in the red. Assuming that is not the case, it seems to me you are afraid of risk. Until you conquer fear of losing or pulling the trigger, you are not going to make it as a trader. And we are talking about sim here, not even real money.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is made out to be a trader. After reading your health problems and your anxiety when trading, I would advise you to think about your chosen hobby/profession hard and maybe it is just time to give up. You should be comfortable to trade at least sim, if not real money... Some people just can not get over that hurdle and your health is more important than making money in your PJ from home....

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 iqgod 
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Pedro40 View Post
Not a judgement, just an observation:

Out of 9 days, 4 ended with a single digit gain, what is basicly a break even aka, nothing. You shouldn't be satisfied with such result unless you brought the account back from deeply in the red. Assuming that is not the case, it seems to me you are afraid of risk. Until you conquer fear of losing or pulling the trigger, you are not going to make it as a trader. And we are talking about sim here, not even real money.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is made out to be a trader. After reading your health problems and your anxiety when trading, I would advise you to think about your chosen hobby/profession hard and maybe it is just time to give up. You should be comfortable to trade at least sim, if not real money... Some people just can not get over that hurdle and your health is more important than making money in your PJ from home....

Sage advice, thanks!

The take-home is to avoid being risk-averse (I've conquered being risk-seeking). But even to the point - I need to avoid being loss-averse. So what if I lose on a single trade.

I have set about reaching my goal in a stepwise fashion. I chose the 20-day combine for a reason - to ease myself into my role as a 'trader'. I've been at it so long that mind no longer differentiates between sim and real. Really. But I am mostly pampering myself. A hurdle to overcome is hurdle to overcome.

So while it is hard I have regained my health and am keeping it - I am in fact more healthy than I ever was because I am happily doing many things correctly. The loss aversion is what I will eventually conquer. You will read about it in these very pages!

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 iqgod 
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isla View Post
Hi iqgod!

It looks to me that you are taking quite a few trades with inverse risk reward (risk much greater than your target). In my opinion this is one of the reasons you cannot sit in a trade. After being offside multiple ticks you see price trading around your entry and I can easily understand your urge to exit. Not saying anything against inverse risk reward, but you know it is difficult to trade like that in practice. I would imagine if you had couple of hundred trades in your record (properly managed) it could add some confidence. But if you believe you have an edge, then maybe it is just emotions.

So I thought some more about this and it turns out I do have an edge and its just emotions. The moment of truth tests me and I will make sure I pass its test in that moment not pseudo-pass it post-facto.

Also the inverse R:R isn't a truism in my method - it usually is a 4 tick stop with a 9 tick gain. It is the creeping feeling that something inside me might be willing to move the stop just so that I could get a winner in the current trade. So the real thing is wanting to be right.

That is what I get up against and need to work on it.

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 iqgod 
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I've tried to be stern with this early exit thingy and just HOLD till target, but it has helped me intuitively exit a bad trade more often than not.

The deeper issue is also FOMO - I take a trade when there is not setup, or a mediocre setup and then this intuitive exit kicks in. The last few times the early exit thing happened it was a great setup, but was loss-aversion. Here are some amazing posts that would have gone with the wind had it not been inked here:


iqgod View Post
That's it!

I think you've hit the nail at the right spot.

Here is the scared exit by moving my stop too tight on the last trade in the real account, once the trade moved two ticks into profit:



A minor stop run triggered the exit... I am almost sure it is well on its way to the achievable 10-tick target right now.


So this trade eventually did NOT reach its 10-tick target but it would've hit the stop:




iqgod View Post
Here was how it went from there:



iqgod View Post
Here is what Dr.Brett Steenbarger wrote yesterday on his inestimably-valuable blog:

TraderFeed: Happiness and the Power of Our Expectations


A wealth of research shows that perfectionism of the less healthy kind reduces productivity and is even associated with poorer health outcomes. One possible link between perfectionism and these adverse consequences is self-criticism. Healthy perfectionism is about striving and moving oneself forward. Unhealthy perfectionism is about living a life script of perpetually falling short.

We gravitate to our own self-talk.



When what you are doing is deeply rewarding, your work becomes part of you.

Even the greatest dedication, however, can be sabotaged by expectations and self-demands that create more frustration than fulfillment. A recent study found that our expectations help to shape our experience of happiness.


Be careful of what you think, expect and live for. As @PandaWarrior told me, avoid breathing markets 24x7 and know what it is you really want.


iqgod View Post
Net +$40 on day 5.

It was an advanced range break short, but I covered intuitively after 2 positive ticks - thank god for my intuition, since the market went UP UP UP after that without even a single weeny pullback.



bobwest View Post
I have noticed a couple of times that you have mentioned intuition or acting intuitively on this thread.

I think this is a powerful, if elusive, ability to have. I take it as somewhat like seeing/knowing what to do without consciously thinking, although it may be hard to put a description into words for it.

There were comments recently on another thread about over-thinking, and about acting without thinking, and I thought about your posts together with them, as relating to the same thing, beginning here:



Of course, this sort of "acting without thinking" is the opposite of reactive, impulsive "unthinking" action that just gets you into trouble by doing something foolish. It's the difference between being in the groove and not having a clue.... Or, perhaps, having a higher level of awareness vs. a lowered level, where you may think you are at the high end, but really are not.

I do not know how to cultivate or develop this ability, other than practice, and I do not know what aspects of practice or experience help with it. I do not know if you can consciously develop it, although I would like to.... it seems to come and go in flashes, and to be difficult to pin down.

Anyway, if you have any thoughts or experience on improving this ability, and would be willing to share them, I would be grateful.

Bob.


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 iqgod 
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Stick at it, Stick at it, Stick at it:




He talks about the importance of visualizing your desired outcome: I have already prepared for my funded trader interview. (I am also superstitiously knocking wood as I write this, to remind myself that humility is at the very base of all virtues.)

“It’s no work. There’s no work involved. Because It’s all a joy.
Cause you know you’re reaching your goal.””
- Steve Vai

"The level of achievement we have in anything, is a reflection of how well we were able to focus on it. Because the only thing that's holding you back, is the way you're thinking."

- Steve Vai "How to be Successful" Private Sessions Guitar Center

From determining what you want to do, to crystallizing a vision of yourself as a trader, to proactively practicing...


“Whenever you get discouraged, go to the big picture. GO back to that place of excitement. That’s how you get through it. You go the big picture. You go to the chief aim. Because it’s so crystallized in your head, that when you know, that you feel that ‘I can’t do this’.. You go back to that picture and you can see yourself doing it.”
- Steve Vai

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 iqgod 
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iqgod View Post
I've tried to be stern with this early exit thingy and just HOLD till target, but it has helped me intuitively exit a bad trade more often than not.

The deeper issue is also FOMO - I take a trade when there is not setup, or a mediocre setup and then this intuitive exit kicks in. The last few times the early exit thing happened it was a great setup, but was loss-aversion. Here are some amazing posts that would have gone with the wind had it not been inked here:




So this trade eventually did NOT reach its 10-tick target but it would've hit the stop:



If anyone has any doubts why he should start a trading journal here is something for you:

A successful trader has told me that "the market gives very poor feedback." In other words you can do the right thing and lose, and you can do the wrong thing and win. So it's important to keep track, over time, of what you did and what the results were. It's only after a string, or series, of trades that the true effectiveness of a particular setup can be determined.

Some of my favorite series of posts are the ones where traders shared their "daily grind". I guess there are some limitations to making it public, but it probably wouldn't be much different than if you had to explain your actions to a trading mentor or prop-shop boss. You need to have a bit of a thick skin to put up stuff that makes you look stupid, but it can also be worth it. Just doing this you already start finding recurring things both in the market and with yourself.

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 iqgod 
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This book has highly favorable reviews, and someone close has recommended it to me:

'Love yourself like your life depends on it' by Kamal Ravikant


I googled and found his blog is Founder Zen | Before founding, chop wood, carry water?.after founding, chop a lot of wood, carry a lot of water

I was stunned by one of his recent posts, for its complete honesty and also because it resonated with my current state (reproducing a snippet of it):

I haven’t written in a long while. No daily practice, no ten minutes a day. No true sentence. Why? Because I’m afraid. Afraid of going in deep, of digging out the truths, of what it takes to write that true thing again and again and again.

What I forgot was the result. The gift you return with. The diamond clutched in your sweaty hand. Your face covered with soot. Emerging from the cave. The glint in your eye. The knowing within.

The gift that transforms you and then, when you share it, those around you.

Instead, I hid. Hid with excuses. My life is going great, why screw with it? The first two books were enough, look at what they’ve done. I’m just a guy trying to figure his shit out, what do I know? Look at all that I’ve learned, why not just stick with practicing it and be satisfied?

Excuses.

The truth is that I’m no longer the person who wrote those books. I’m better. Much better. Because I wrote those books. Because I shared what I learned.

There’s a deeper truth: better is not good enough.

For the longest time I thought that as long as I didn’t slide back to the depth of where I’d been, that was success. Ah, monkey mind, you are clever.

The truth is that the experience of going within and sharing our gifts, they transform us. We can never go back to where we once were. We may slide, sure, but the person sliding is not the person who’d been down there before.

So the question to myself is: who am I now? And start from here, from this point. Dive in and find the new gifts. And be better from here.

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 bobwest 
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Regarding the last several posts: Good work!

I particularly liked the chart where you had said that you once again made the emotional mistake of jumping out too early in a winning trade, but it turned out that you got out just in time. It shows that these "feelings" we can get are not necessarily wrong.

When you're driving your car, or doing anything else you know how to do, you don't have to be thinking all the time about what to do -- you can act appropriately because you do know what to do; you don't have to reason it out every time you approach a situation, like you did when you were first learning.

There is a difference between that and just getting scared and pulling the plug too early. (And if you do pull it too early, who cares?)

Good posts.

Bob.

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 iqgod 
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I keep knocking on wood whenever I say things like "I am successful, and will be forever successful."

I remember Linda Bradford Raschke talking about how traders consider it a bad omen to talk about their successes, perhaps its a Chicago thing!

Since journals are about honesty, here is what I JUST did after making that breezy statement - I traded unmindfully (personal account), ANTICIPATED (imaginged!) a setup, did not place a stop (the usual stop would have been placed very close), placed a target and took a godawful loss:




Punishments? Not visiting BigMikeTrading.com for the rest of the month. (that's a tough one)

I was making steady progress and WHAM. Today was a SUDDEN, no wait....

I had planned NOT to trade today; I had sensed my nemesis and unmindfulness and hence was not going to trade today (just like I had not traded yesterday), however I violated this myself.

How did I sense my unmindfulness?

1. By my driving style - driving in India is akin to trading your strategy - whenever I drive gung-ho and the like, it is KATY BAR THE DOOR day for me in the markets.

2. Whenever I feel what I am doing is not worth it - sabotage seems a given on such days!

These are issues I am still working with, so patiently need to address them, from square one, if need be.


See you all in October, and happy trading!

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 DarkPoolTrading 
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iqgod View Post
Punishments? Not visiting BigMikeTrading.com for the rest of the month. (that's a tough one)

Out of curiosity, why have you taken this punishment approach recently? (I think I recall you mentioning it a couple times)

Some things for you to think about:
- In times gone by the general approach to children was to smack them and scold them when they did anything wrong. Times have changed today. Most people understand now that to get the most out of their kids they need to motivate them and reward them. Get them excited about achievement.

- In times gone by people use to train dogs by hitting them whenever they didn't do a task correctly. Times have changed. Today people know that to train dogs you need to reward them every time they do something right and offer constant positive feedback. The dog gets excited about doing the tasks correctly.

- In times gone by in the corporate world management would dictate what needs to be done and yell at anyone stepping out of line. Times have changed. Today management and staff work as a team towards a common goal. Staff are made to feel important and part of the process.

The examples could carry on....

What is the single theme here? Punishment is a poor motivator. Punishment is a poor creator of excellence.

You might want to consider doing a complete 180 on how you view punishment vs reward and the results they produce.

Good luck.

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  #179 (permalink)
 isla 
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Was about to post something similar to DarkPoolTrading.

Iqgod, you've talked a lot about psychology and attitudes in trading, about mindfulness and loving yourself. But I think those ideas work if you are serious enough about what you do. If you wanted to perform well, to do your best (different to making money, showing positive results), you wouldn't be experiencing half of your problems.

I want you to succeed, but you need to get serious. It's too easy to do something stupid and then be mindful about the reasons why it happened. And punishments won't help. Maybe you just need to lose more time and money. Hopefully not.

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  #180 (permalink)
 ratfink 
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I can tell you the exact moment that caused it because it helped me when I saw it happen. It was when you felt compelled to tell IndexTrader that you were doing really well when he asked.

Love and punishment and reward are interesting issues but reality always wins.

Stay cool and look after yourself, the trading will come if it's meant to.

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  #181 (permalink)
 Big Mike 
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DarkPoolTrading View Post
Out of curiosity, why have you taken this punishment approach recently? (I think I recall you mentioning it a couple times)

Some things for you to think about:
- In times gone by the general approach to children was to smack them and scold them when they did anything wrong. Times have changed today. Most people understand now that to get the most out of their kids they need to motivate them and reward them. Get them excited about achievement.

- In times gone by people use to train dogs by hitting them whenever they didn't do a task correctly. Times have changed. Today people know that to train dogs you need to reward them every time they do something right and offer constant positive feedback. The dog gets excited about doing the tasks correctly.

- In times gone by in the corporate world management would dictate what needs to be done and yell at anyone stepping out of line. Times have changed. Today management and staff work as a team towards a common goal. Staff are made to feel important and part of the process.

The examples could carry on....

What is the single theme here? Punishment is a poor motivator. Punishment is a poor creator of excellence.

You might want to consider doing a complete 180 on how you view punishment vs reward and the results they produce.

Good luck.

Fantastic post.

Positive reinforcement.

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  #182 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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@DarkPoolTrading made some points which seem more oriented towards the correct results.

I thought hard and long - yes, I made a mistake.

Yes, I broke my own spell by boasting.

I think I've been punished as is by my stupid loss.

And as @isla said I was not focused on loving the process - was looking at (and even counting out) the money involved which let to this temporary setback.

So calling it such, it is just that - a temporary setback where I forgot the processes that I need to focus on.

Taking the advice to heart, I do believe the punishment approach is completely cruel to the part of me which wants to excel. In fact I had already said just reiterating: I would love myself and my successes would be built on love.

So I am taking the negative event in my stride. It isn't that I've blown up or something, its just that the loss was enough to offset a few months of gains. So what? Things are still working here, I actually know why I did that silly thing (thanks @ratfink) and I also know how I can coolly continue to mindfully do the correct things.

I refuse to give up and were the dunce cap, there are too many conflicting voices right now because the losses hurt, and this makes it much much more difficult, but I do promise to put in all the hard work and effort it takes just as I did earlier.

I will continue posting my results instead of withdrawing and playing hookey.

Please continue your love, many of you continue to humble and illuminate my path much more than you can imagine....

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  #183 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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ratfink View Post
I can tell you the exact moment that caused it because it helped me when I saw it happen. It was when you felt compelled to tell IndexTrader that you were doing really well when he asked.

Love and punishment and reward are interesting issues but reality always wins.

Stay cool and look after yourself, the trading will come if it's meant to.

Here is a quote from "The Inner Game of Tennis" by Timothy Gallwey

Reflect on the state of mind of a player who is said to be "hot" or "on his game." Is he thinking about how he should hit each shot?

Is he thinking at all? Listen to the phrases commonly used to describe
a player at his best:
"He's out of his mind";
"He's playing over his head";
"He's unconscious";
"He doesn't know what he's doing."

The common factor in each of these descriptions is what might be called "mindlessness." There seems to be an intuitive sense that the mind is transcended-or at least in part rendered inoperative. Athletes in most sports use similar phrases, and the best of them know that their peak performance never comes when they're thinking about it.

Clearly, to play unconsciously does not mean to play without consciousness. That would be quite difficult! In fact, someone playing "out of his mind" is more aware of the ball, the court, and, when necessary, his opponent. But he is not aware of giving himself a lot of instructions, thinking about how to hit the ball, how to correct past mistakes or how to repeat what he just did. He is conscious, but not thinking, not over-trying. A player in this state knows where he wants the ball to go, but he doesn't have to "try hard" to send it there. It just seems to happen-and often with more
accuracy then he could have hoped for. The player seems to be immersed in a flow of action which requires his energy, yet results in greater power and accuracy. The "hot streak" usually continues until he starts thinking about it and tries to maintain it; as soon as he attempts to exercise control, he loses it.

To test this theory is a simple matter, if you don't mind a little underhanded gamesmanship. The next time your opponent is having a hot streak, simply ask him as you switch courts, "Say, George, what are you doing so differently that's making your forehand so good today?"If he takes the bait-and 95 percent will-and begins to think about how he's swinging, telling you how he's really meeting the ball out in front, keeping his wrist firm and following through better, his streak invariably will end. He will lose his timing and fluidity as he tries to repeat what he has just told you he was
doing so well.

Rebuilding the relationship between Self 1 and Self 2 is the key to retaining that "hot streak".


As soon as we reflect, deliberate, and conceptualize, the original unconsciousness is lost and a thought interferes. . . The arrow is off the string but does not fly straight to the target, nor does the target stand where it is. Calculation,, which is miscalculation, sets in...

Man is a thinking reed but his great works are done when he is not calculating and thinking. "Childlikeness" has to be restored with long years of training in self-forgetfulness.

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  #184 (permalink)
 isla 
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iqgod View Post
Here is a quote from "The Inner Game of Tennis" by Timothy Gallwey

Reflect on the state of mind of a player who is said to be "hot" or "on his game." Is he thinking about how he should hit each shot?

Is he thinking at all? Listen to the phrases commonly used to describe
a player at his best:
"He's out of his mind";
"He's playing over his head";
"He's unconscious";
"He doesn't know what he's doing."

The common factor in each of these descriptions is what might be called "mindlessness." There seems to be an intuitive sense that the mind is transcended-or at least in part rendered inoperative. Athletes in most sports use similar phrases, and the best of them know that their peak performance never comes when they're thinking about it.

Clearly, to play unconsciously does not mean to play without consciousness. That would be quite difficult! In fact, someone playing "out of his mind" is more aware of the ball, the court, and, when necessary, his opponent. But he is not aware of giving himself a lot of instructions, thinking about how to hit the ball, how to correct past mistakes or how to repeat what he just did. He is conscious, but not thinking, not over-trying. A player in this state knows where he wants the ball to go, but he doesn't have to "try hard" to send it there. It just seems to happen-and often with more
accuracy then he could have hoped for. The player seems to be immersed in a flow of action which requires his energy, yet results in greater power and accuracy. The "hot streak" usually continues until he starts thinking about it and tries to maintain it; as soon as he attempts to exercise control, he loses it.

To test this theory is a simple matter, if you don't mind a little underhanded gamesmanship. The next time your opponent is having a hot streak, simply ask him as you switch courts, "Say, George, what are you doing so differently that's making your forehand so good today?"If he takes the bait-and 95 percent will-and begins to think about how he's swinging, telling you how he's really meeting the ball out in front, keeping his wrist firm and following through better, his streak invariably will end. He will lose his timing and fluidity as he tries to repeat what he has just told you he was
doing so well.

Rebuilding the relationship between Self 1 and Self 2 is the key to retaining that "hot streak".


As soon as we reflect, deliberate, and conceptualize, the original unconsciousness is lost and a thought interferes. . . The arrow is off the string but does not fly straight to the target, nor does the target stand where it is. Calculation,, which is miscalculation, sets in...

Man is a thinking reed but his great works are done when he is not calculating and thinking. "Childlikeness" has to be restored with long years of training in self-forgetfulness.

I read the book you are referring to, and although it was good enough, it was hard to see how some of the concepts could be applied to my trading.

Tennis is a physical game. The author talks about how our consciousness can interfere into and reduce the quality of the connection between our brain and muscles. But, in my opinion, it is more appropriate to compare trading with game of chess in this case. Like in chess, thinking through possible scenarios, questioning your reasoning is all part of a trading process. And while you may develop intuition, with time, the core of your activity still lies in a conscious thinking and reasoning. The thinking time will be reducing with practice, but there are limits. I guess parallels could be drawn with any other intellectual activity/profession really. The analogy with tennis would be more appropriate if we were discussing the process of clicking the mouse button.

This is why trading is not all about your attitude and psychology. The game does take place between your ears, but making right decisions is an important part of it.

I think your problem lies in your method, or belief in your method, rather than anything else. Just my opinion.

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  #185 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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isla View Post
I read the book you are referring to, and although it was good enough, it was hard to see how some of the concepts could be applied to my trading.
....
This is why trading is not all about your attitude and psychology. The game does take place between your ears, but making right decisions is an important part of it.

I think your problem lies in your method, or belief in your method, rather than anything else. Just my opinion.

But today it was no method in the entry - perhaps its the belief in method - it could be argued that I lacked faith in my proven method and jumped in without a signal which lead to this loss.

Thanks for making me think - I think that is drawing it out piece by piece whatever it is.

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 isla 
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iqgod, why do you have confidence in your method? From your journal I can see that many of your exits were based on "intuition". Which is fine, I guess. But do you have a track record using your intuition as a trade management tool with positive results?

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 iqgod 
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isla View Post
iqgod, why do you have confidence in your method? From your journal I can see that many of your exits were based on "intuition". Which is fine, I guess. But do you have a track record using your intuition as a trade management tool with positive results?

Okay: The exits are NOT supposed to be ad hoc or intuition based - they are fixed at 8 ticks from the point of entry. It is the point of entry that is substandard in the places where my intuition comes into play - the method is well defined, the setups are easy to locate, the entry is simple enough, and the stop can be moved to places where it invalidates the premise - all in all it is like cycling.

But in real-time I do these four major things which are not for my well-being:

1. I second-guess myself and skip valid entries thinking 'Aha, this is so clear that it means 'THEY' (whoever 'they' are are fooling us and it won;t work)

2. I really feel I do not have the time I need to do this. So I take trades at substandard locations scared that I will not get time and the days will run out of my life and I will get old without any trading and money from trading under my belt! (you may think I'm out of it or whatever, just putting the real reasons that seem real to me now)

3. As @Pedro40 said, sometimes there is risk aversion and loss aversion at play - a whisper that says 'take your two ticks and scramble back into safety! Why do you insist on 8 ticks?'. And the result is 2,3,4,5,6 tick winners again and again and again instead of that 8 tick prescribed win or a stop out where the idea is invalidated.

4. A very real desire to not succeed, to continue a mediocre existence, to give up, to continue the cozy easy life in a cocoon where I am not held up to anything, a pretense of boredom, a belief in a savior (magic will eventually work) - basically all lies by the fake self who strives to maintain his status quo. I am sure many people have these problems 3 and 4 but they are magnified in me due to some memories of early abuse.

In effect I keep disrupting the method, what is in the journal seen is the disruptive power of the human hand to a solid method. that is why the book I mentioned is an exact parallel. There is no excessive analysis here, just letting probabilities play out and taking a trade based on what is to the left of the chart. Some trades win some lose but the net is a rising equity curve. I could've said it works solid on sim but that is not an argument.

So yes, 'I' have no confidence in my method but that I is many parts and some parts are now better than they were a few months ago. I focus on continuous improvement.


Note: None of this means I have to give up. I am fighting a wall and I will not turn back into a wimp EVER.

As @indextrader7 said, NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

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 iqgod 
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 isla 
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Emotions aside, points 1 to 3 suggest that you are not comfortable with this method. Please correct me if I am wrong. Point 3 is sort of marginal with psychological, but considering you trade euro, and 8t moves don't happen that often with your entries (currently), your subconsciousness may be trying to tell you something your mind hasn't yet accepted. Which is specifically the fact that 8t moves don't happen often

Your method may be quite objective on paper, but do you actually have a record of trading it using proper parameters you mentioned? I looked into this method about two years ago, and while it seemed to be well thought through, its applications were rather questionable. At least for euro/6e, haven't tried it on anything else. I faced some of the problems you mentioned as well.

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  #190 (permalink)
 iqgod 
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isla View Post
Emotions aside, points 1 to 3 suggest that you are not comfortable with this method. Please correct me if I am wrong. Point 3 is sort of marginal with psychological, but considering you trade euro, and 8t moves don't happen that often with your entries (currently), your subconsciousness may be trying to tell you something your mind hasn't yet accepted. Which is specifically the fact that 8t moves don't happen often

Your method may be quite objective on paper, but do you actually have a record of trading it using proper parameters you mentioned? I looked into this method about two years ago, and while it seemed to be well thought through, its applications were rather questionable. At least for euro/6e, haven't tried it on anything else. I faced some of the problems you mentioned as well.

I do not have a real answer for you or for me at this point.

This method is the utlimate in comfort actually - be an idler all day long, keep a watch on your charts, have setup? take setup ... else continue idling..... while 'idling' may be a rude label to this hard work, but it is another name for patience and conceptually seems easier - 'You there, sit here and idle till x y z sets up...' instead of 'You there, sit up, back straight, observe the charts minutely, see their every movement and be ready to act and pounce when the moment comes.' so stressful.

Repsectfully, what you are talking is perspective - I am comfortable with this method!

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 isla 
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I won't be questioning your beliefs. We may have different opinion on what a comfortable method means. I just comment on your results and your own observations.

As you didn't mention anything about your track record with this method, I will assume you have one and it is satisfactory.

One last thing I'd like to bring up. Feeling comfortable in the financial markets may contribute to your longevity, but not necessarily to your prosperity.

Hopefully euro will pick up soon and will provide you more opportunities to further build your confidence.

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 iqgod 
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isla View Post
I won't be questioning your beliefs. We may have different opinion on what a comfortable method means. I just comment on your results and your own observations.

As you didn't mention anything about your track record with this method, I will assume you have one and it is satisfactory.

One last thing I'd like to bring up. Feeling comfortable in the financial markets may contribute to your longevity, but not necessarily to your prosperity.

Hopefully euro will pick up soon and will provide you more opportunities to further build your confidence.


I have a perfect track record on sim AND small don't care accounts. The method is sound - it worked for me even when the Euro was dead last year target = 7 ticks instead of 10!

The other point you brought up is very well put: you are right and (I think you said that earlier) I believe that prosperity comes when you focus on the processes that put put the odds in your side.

The markets are like a fist fight, so comfort isn't a parameter at all.


I think Ryan Jones said "The market is about as intellectually challenging as a fist fight. In that regard, the best thing you can do is guard your mustache and jab on the run."

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 ratfink 
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Great discussion @isla, @iqgod

For me the 'mindfulness' that is talked about is just the state when conscious processes are no longer needed, the brain using heuristics of which we may, or may not, be aware. For me it's less mind, not more.

So long as we have done the preparation work and all the training needed to form the habits that get us out of the way of ourselves then it will happen - but - only with an edge that works, otherwise there can be no confidence or game to be played, only the usual losses and emotional carnage that we all experience when we are out of step.

If the edge works, we can work. If not, we have nothing on which to base our mental, physical and emotional training anyway.

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 iqgod 
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ratfink View Post
Great discussion @isla, @iqgod

For me the 'mindfulness' that is talked about is just the state when conscious processes are no longer needed, the brain using heuristics of which we may, or may not, be aware. For me it's less mind, not more.

So long as we have done the preparation work and all the training needed to form the habits that get us out of the way of ourselves then it will happen - but - only with an edge that works, otherwise there can be no confidence or game to be played, only the usual losses and emotional carnage that we all experience when we are out of step.

If the edge works, we can work. If not, we have nothing on which to base our mental, physical and emotional training anyway.

Veterans tell us that edges are not eternal - they stop working or something in them has to be adapted.

There isn't too much to prove that an edge 'works' other than a rising equity curve, and even then 'Fooled by Randomness'. Caveat emptor is true, but go to the mall we must.

But I get this one thing right: inside me I KNOW CALM when I acted right yet lost money.

It is only when I act wrong (and either make money or take losses) that the door opens to regret, denial, animosity, dismay, euphoria, recklessness, carelessness, superstition, ego, disregard, illusion.

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 ratfink 
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iqgod View Post
Veterans tell us that edges are not eternal - they stop working or something in them has to be adapted.

There isn't too much to prove that an edge 'works' other than a rising equity curve, and even then 'Fooled by Randomness'. Caveat emptor is true, but go to the mall we must.

For an 'edge', I agree, that's a market 'how'. Most rule based, technical and algo bots get stuck here too.

For an 'Edge', I disagree, that's a market 'why'. Some humans stay here and are always adapting without effort, because much deeper heuristics are running. Bots will get here one day.

Anyway, as Humpty Dumpty said, a word means just what I intended it to mean. Or in this case something different.

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 tturner86 
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iqgod View Post
Veterans tell us that edges are not eternal - they stop working or something in them has to be adapted.

There isn't too much to prove that an edge 'works' other than a rising equity curve, and even then 'Fooled by Randomness'. Caveat emptor is true, but go to the mall we must.

But I get this one thing right: inside me I KNOW CALM when I acted right yet lost money.

It is only when I act wrong (and either make money or take losses) that the door opens to regret, denial, animosity, dismay, euphoria, recklessness, carelessness, superstition, ego, disregard, illusion.

All edges are fleeting. And everything we see in the market is an illusion, even price itself.

Only those able to evolve over time have been able to stay. Used to be the best in the pit, then came the screen and many of those couldn't compete, then came HFT and algos, and so on and so on.

One of the hardest things to do is determine when you have an edge, execute as hard and fast as possible, and then when that edge is gone get out and stay out of the market.

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 bobwest 
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ratfink View Post
For an 'edge', I agree, that's a market 'how'. Most rule based, technical and algo bots get stuck here too.

For an 'Edge', I disagree, that's a market 'why'. Some humans stay here and are always adapting without effort, because much deeper heuristics are running. Bots will get here one day.

Anyway, as Humpty Dumpty said, a word means just what I intended it to mean. Or in this case something different.

This is either astonishingly profound, or just astonishing. ()

But I do think your point (about Edges) is a good one.

Bob.

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 iqgod 
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Join us for a special Squawk Radio webinar "Winning Minds: Turn loss and pain to profit and gain," presented by Richard Friesen, on Friday, September 19 at 12:00 PM CT.

This session will deal with how the brain handles loss and why we are fighting our brains when we experience a trading loss. Of the three types of loss we'll look at, the focus will be on losses that come from those trading decisions that are driven by emotions and behaviors that no longer serve us. This is an important lesson because those "Lousy Losses" often trigger additional, costly trades. To complete the webinar, Rich will be walking listeners through two live exercises that show how our brains work while stopping or starting a behavior in order to build new "Mind Muscles" for trading.

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 iqgod 
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Day 10 ends at +$105 with account now at $30,540.

I traded the ES today because of two reasons: 1. saw a proper setup ; 2. wanted to have it as a permitted product as a LTP / funded trader because you only get the products which you have traded in a combine.

Two good trades, though it was just one trade really (exited and rentered at same price, more of a psychological comfort thing).


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 iqgod 
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Experience: Advanced
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Posts: 1,802 since Feb 2012
Thanks: 3,652 given, 3,093 received

Finally a real account trade (one lot netted $100):




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