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A TopStepTrader's Humble-Pie-Way: A TST Combine Journal of iqgod's "Take 2"
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A TopStepTrader's Humble-Pie-Way: A TST Combine Journal of iqgod's "Take 2"

  #71 (permalink)
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Why can't I hold?

Why can't I let a trade be?

Why do I let fear move my target and stop - trying to bracket a profit.

Reason is I have not yet done enough homework like @PandaWarrior and @josh who spend lot of time in preparation - I hope to be a disciple of these two greats!

Ultimately belief is the winner - getting to a place where your belief system aligns with market state and you flow.... that is the ultimate goal.

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  #72 (permalink)
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Commitment

I resolve to let the next trade be.

Once I have waited
Once I have reasons to pull the trigger
Once I have identified the risk being in tolerable limits
Once I have probability on my side

I WILL ENTER WITH AN auto oco order AND JUST LET THE TRADE BE.

I WILL NOT MOVE MY 10-tick STOP OR 20-tick TARGET.

That is a promise.

Let's see how it goes.


If I honor my promise I would be well on my way to add value to myself and the world around me, so be my guest on this journal if I do!

If I dishonor this promise, you, dear reader, can really choose not to visit this journal again.

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  #73 (permalink)
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They creep up on me....


I have four enemies.

Impatience.
Fear.
Self-doubt.
Greed.

When I lower my vigil they slink up behind me and try to possess me.

When I have my visor on, when my magnetic force field is activated I can spot them on my radar and give them a mighty whack.

So I choose to trade only when my shield is ON.

But they entice me from the outside and sometimes I let them in. Sometimes. Those are the times I need to monitor...

That is why INTEGRITY is such an important concept in trading... a foundational stone, if you like.

Else, a great trader can build a Great Wall of China and all it would take is a single bribed General in Ming's army to let the hordes in...

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  #74 (permalink)
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Still in negative statistics territory for ZC and 6J

In trading you are as smart as your dumbest mistake.

Shows up in my ZC and 6J statistics.

As much as I try not to, I am leaning towards'repairing' the statistics than trading well.

The defensive trades are showing up as small consistent winners which cannot replenish the large down days I created during the 'infancy' of the combine especially in the 6J.

Winning a combine can quickly have geometric complexity repercussions, as with all trading - unlike a coin toss experiment, each stupid move against you gets you further down Impossible Lane.

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  #75 (permalink)
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Confidence

I have confidence in my trades... in my analysis of the market.... BUT I DON'T TAKE THE TRADE. I can SEE the market hit my targets on trades I am not in.... I suppose this is nothing new to fellow traders, but here I am at this stage of the journey, looping looping looping in the same vicious cycle.

Now that is an oxymoron, but that is how it is currently and I must record it in my journal.


Examples:

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To be fair this short was missed when I was not at my desk, so next example....

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Need to do 'the Work' more....

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  #76 (permalink)
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This was the day (day number seven) that the playing field was laid for the real combine battle:




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This is how it goes (Day number twelve), plodding to meet statistics (a humbling, cherish able, accelerated learning experience - all at the same time!!):

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The problem: Avoiding eating like an bird and dumping like an elephant.

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  #77 (permalink)
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Another problem!

Having a profitable strategy is no consolation!

If I enter too early, where is the strategy?

And I did for corn today!


If I exit when I see teeny profit instead of holding till target, where is the strategy?

And I did that for corn today!


If I enter too early, hold till profit shows up.... and even though now the price action is screaming "WAAAIT, I am going to your target SOOOON" - I sell.

That is akin to weeding out your pretty plants as soon as they sprout buds - instead of letting them flower I nip them buds and all!

Three lessons for me today!

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  #78 (permalink)
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Day 12: Official Daily Trade Report from TopStepTrader

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  #79 (permalink)
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The Addiction to Winners

I took 9 trades today (against my limit of 5 in the rulebook).

All 9 were winners (no hurrah).

The problem here is that I am
- right on direction
- wait patiently for entry
- use a good trade location (risk defined well in advance)
- enter only when flowing with the tape

B U T....

once in profit I
- trail my stop very closely
- am afraid of MAE to such an extent that I DO NOT allow a trade BEHAVING PRICE ACTION-WISE TO THE BOOK to go against me even one tick (though it is expected and normal, however I am beset by uncertainty and trail close or close out the position).

This is simply an addiction to WINNING.

It is not healthy trading - setting a stop and target and letting them be.

The irony of course is that if I had allowed my stops and targets to be 2 out of 9 trades would still have been winners (due to patiently waiting for only A+ setups) and even though I cannot know in advance which ones will winners it is so obvious that the seven 20-tick winners will compensate for the two 10-tick losers.

I KNOW.

I SENSE.

B U T

I CAN'T EXECUTE.

In trading you are your own worst enemy.

And due to the geometric outcome model of trading the digging into a hole becomes worse and worse.

This combine will not be a winner if I do not give up my addiction to winning.

Period.


Postscript: I know what all things are wrong with my thinking - its like someone needs to handcuff me after I pull the trigger. I don't know HOW to get into a yoda state or 'the zone'.

Perhaps its much simpler than I am thinking.

Let's see if I am able to pull it off.

(Won't happen out of a hat. Or perhaps it will happen at the drop of a hat. Perhaps the click moment is near.)


Last edited by iqgod; April 18th, 2013 at 10:32 AM.
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  #80 (permalink)
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Back to where we began


So I've come a full circle....

My equity at the end of Day 13 stands at $30,000 after having suffered a drawdown of $765.

I've managed risk properly, I've learnt SO MUCH (about myself, more than about markets!)



So as I start all over again its time to reflect on how I'll act to fulfill the solemn promise I made to my readers today.... letting my trades be; not messing with my target and stop once I'm in.

Here is the day summarized in a single picture:


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Its time to redeem myself!

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