"Home again home again like a turtle to his balcony
and you know where that's at."
First Published
"A Taste of the Taste of Brautigan." California Living 16 May 1971: 7-10.
The magazine of the San Francisco Sunday Examiner & Chronicle.
Introduction reads: "Richard Brautigan, an Aquarian born in Tacoma, Washington, January 30, 1935, has grown from an unknown poet of the Haight Ashbury during the days of the Flower Children, to one of the country's leading writers—in less than ten years. Among his works, widely read and discussed on college campuses—as well as in the general mainstream— are (novels) Trout Fishing in America, A Confederate General from Big Sur and (poetry) The Pill versus The Springhill Mine Disaster and Rommel Drives on Deep into Egypt. "
I read that when I was in college, Marshall University 198something... I just laughed. The guy was obviously a pure nutcase, but those were some of the words that cracked me and my friends up. The book of Brautigan's poems worked it's way through many hands over a series of days or weeks or months. "Fuck me like fried potatoes..." was another memorable one. Have not thought of Richard Brautigan since... those were different times.
But tonight as I have been packing a moving truck, 15th move for me an my wife since we have been together, having left behind a long thread about many things, and finding the desire to have another expressive outlet with it's own pulse, and coinciding with my resuming trading after a well-needed sabatical...
Not wanting to call this anything that sounds like trading, but wanting a place to collect my trading thoughts again, like a turtle to his balcony. A place to be, maybe, or really nowhere?
My approach to trading has shifted, my time for it has been greatly reduced, my network of frinds outside of trading expanded immensely, health in line, money flowing, life is good.
Traded crude briefly in sim today, just feeling it. Nailed me the majority of entries, maybe 6? It was the first time I clicked the mouse for awhile.
Traded in the background today, enter a position, set the target and stop, and then minimize the screen. 2 entries, both long, one was a 20 tick target (20/8), made it to 18 ticks, then hit my -4 tightened stop, and 2nd trade made it to 16, and then I closed it within a breath of 2:30pm EST for 15, to net 11 ticks on the day.
Trading as a means of survival is far different than trading with no attachment to the outcome. The former teaches things that might never been learned otherwise, but the latter allows for the proper execution of those skills. In various visualization methods, the concept is to focus on on what is desired, but trading has a way of reversing the rules.
The entry was beautiful so far, this is the place where I start to question moving my stop and target. If I tighten my stop, I risk less. If I bring my target in, I guarantee a win...
Had roughly 20 ticks, which is about where price will stop in my favor if it will lose...
Really, a safer stop is below the LSP at around 96.80...
The "background" trade worked today. I am not allowed to rethink my trade in that mode. It is weird how if I watch I continue to make judgements that can conflcit with my reason for taking the trade.
CL has been in a strong uptrend, with the medium trendline shown as the upward sloping line below price. The morning's open brought a high volume washout below yesterday's prior pivot, but then quickly returned to break above the overnight high, signaling strong support for price remains.
The buy area became a ratio of the upmove, not measured beforehand, but turned out to be roughly 50%. The real signal was the high volume in that area, and the sole trigger for the entry.
I set the stop at an arbitrary number related to price action, but going off my recent minor stop penetrations. 25 was todays tick distance, not great for a 38 tick profit target, but going more for probability than PF. The target could have been higher, but it was the most likely event, just breaking above the most recent minor high pivot. Price did stall at the target, and the 1min volume shows the increase in activity in that area coincides with the target justification.
A 20S/40T would have been perfect for the way hindsight shows this trade, but math was not top priority. What I thought was most likely was more important to me, particularly when setting a "hands off" rule after the entry. What my trading lacks is not math, or analysis, or anything like that. It is confidence after the entry. I find that more often than not, my initial thought is correct. Not due to lucky guesses, but having spent thousands of hours trying to sense every breath of price action, some of that eventually sinks in. It is the not-knowing part, coupled with my own insecurities, that causes me to get a little scattered sometimes in trading.
The indicators I have today mean very little, other than to get a feel for what is happening at a quick glance. There are no trade rules today, I am done wiht them. Price action, structure, volume, and experience, and when I see something that seems right to me, and I can accept that once I am in and the exit points are established, I am done with it. Nearly impossible for me to do while watching it, so I minimize the charts and go on with the day.
Uncertainty is not comfortable to me. I am so wired to be super-analytical, was so driven to learn to trade that I obsessed way beyond sanity...
The cure to all is balance. Center. But we all swing away from center on some path, closer or wider, circular or linear, violent or subtle. And that is normal. The goal then, if looking for balance, seems like it would be to reduce the path of travel. But possibly balance is obtained by increasing acceptance of the volatility.
I made quite a bit of money in 2012. Gave a big chunk back towards the end of the year.
It was due to issues with trading. Or, not really trading, but issues that ultimately affect trade psychology.
And somewhat melted down in full view. It started while I was making a killing, and ended with a big wash and a broken spirit.
It sent me searching for something. Anything.
I found that when I had hit a low financially several years prior, a cocktail of denial mixed with survival casued me to not truly feel the impact until I was on the path back up. Like I came out of the ether and thought, what the fuck happened?
Moving back into a previous house was a very influential part of the formula. Maybe the trigger, but really I believe it was brewing the whole time and would climax no matter what the path was...
The cure, which I think I have found, or not a cure, but the push that sent me on a better direction, was accepting where I was, realizing an obsession I had developed out of shock... in my mind, I was doing all the right things for years. And that "mind" comes from experience. Not wisdom, which is experience that digests lasting truths, but just only having what I knew to base the future on.
I currently find myself going through the same rites of passage - for example my CL Trade documented from post 157 to post 161
- almost each time the trades are triggered based on a mix of intuition, but usually after patiently waiting for setups where intuition is fed and once it is in tune with reading the pulse of the market - the acting on that emotion is the make or break part when it is demanded of - I find that the execution is as important as the 'knowing'.
I too have found, for example, that the first 'impulse' that suggests itself to me is almost always correct (perhaps triggered by the primitive amygdala of the brain?) and then it is matter of judging the pros and cons of acting upon that impulse.
I for one try to avoid math if I can every day (even though it is a practical necessity) - it either is laziness or it is some deeper issue - but it sometimes is damaging as it seems to be the glue that holds together the vital components of trading.
And welcome back. I look forward to reading your posts!
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I have gone through so many variations of trades purely rule-based, to indicator-based, to chart analysis-based, to intuition-based...built spreadsheets like crazy, backtested...
And all have merit...
But I remain a proponent of the human factor, and based on where my mind is right now, I am working my trades to exercise myself psychologically. Confidence & uncertainty play a much higher role to me than indicators or probabilities.
Done correctly there is no separation.
I have not tried to define the origin of the initial impulse, but I have found that the "judging the pros and cons" has great variations of interpretation based on the mindset at the time.
I have come to believe that the math is only needed to form the belief, or track the path. But ultimately, the math is just another lagging indicator.
There is a definite difference having moved out of my prior house and into a friend's.
The last move felt uncomfortable, never felt right being in the house. Would wake up and one of my first thoughts was just, "fuck".
This recent move was strenuous, but I enjoyed getting settled in. half the size of our last home, but by filtering out a lot of unnecessities, and slowly working into the spaces this home has, it fits.
The house is circa 1920s, sits on a dead-end penninsula with 180 degree waterfrontage and a huge wraparound porch. Has some cool features, like full sound system to every room and the porch, 8 security cameras that all terminate on a screen in the master bedroom, so I can see the world outside from bed Outdoor TV room with built-in grill... I told my wife this is like a vacation house to me.
I set my trade desk up in a room that is open to the main living areas, with two full walls of windows looking out at the lake. I added a sofa and two chairs for friends/students to sit back and talk about what is happening on the charts, plus a 42" screen for easier casual viewing.
Price wants to consolidate around 97.00, I was in at 96.80, added in to "trade positions or bust", and got back out of the 2nd at +something. If it can't continue down it may chase shorts out going into 2:30, but I am going to hold this.
Background trading is better when I am busy with other things. Today is a slow work day, and also has turned into a slow market day. I have just watched this 25 cent range of indecision off and on all morning.
And it reminded me of something said by Eckhart Tolle at the opening of one of his seminars...
My chart colors appear to me as kind of reggae today. What I seem to like most about them is they mean very little to me...
Why do I feel the need to do something once I am in a trade? Even now, it is hard for me to complete this sentence as I watch the market feel out it's final hour. As if I could do something about it...
I have not sat through a trade this long since I can't remember when. The forces that will eventually move price out of it's zone are not willing to make a decision... possibly not ahead of tomorrow's report... There is a new experience, I will try to hold on through the night and through tomorrow's EIA.
It may justify a change in my stop strategy though... Do I move to above the zone, far enough for stop runs? Hold at +5, or back to BE? Or will it get hit before open pit close today, in which case I do not need to make a decision. Many other traders decided not to make one today...
Of greatest importance though, is why the feeling of anxiety over potentially allowing profit to slip away?
Do I feel that there is any sign I am wrong in my trade? No... Nothing to say I am right really either.. except that my stop has not been hit... that could say I am right...
This has no risk for me to post, so I will consider it sim speculating The support at 96 was very expected, as this was the fairest price over the last week+ (yellow highlighted area). Buyers found there, no problem. Interestingly, you can also see 97 was rejected last week both from the upside and downside (highlighted blue box), and it was rejected again today, and you took the short. The most natural place to search for buyers again will be 96. However, if there is enough demand here, and 97 fails to reject to the downside, my expectation would be for 97.60, a major area of acceptance last week, to be auctioned for sellers. So if I were GaryD, and if I had a free short trade on, I would leave it, for the potential that exists, or cut it if I didn't want to watch it. But if I were GaryD, I would personally not have a stop any higher than today's highs, expecting 97.40-97.80 to trade before any real sellers are found.
I know you will not let any of this create a bias, so that's why I'm posting, as it's fun to do so for a product I do not normally trade
The following user says Thank You to josh for this post:
Today crude basically balanced in the upper distribution from yesterday. This is not particularly bearish, but the fact that it could not get above yesterday's high this afternoon either is not particularly bullish. Since Monday's high has been rejected, a move to Monday's lows at 96 might very well be in play, as you are looking for, but since even the VPOC at 96.27 from yesterday could not be tested, a move to the upside is not unexpected either. In short, today was a balanced day, and the market in my very humble opinion has a decent chance of breaking out of this balance to either side (perhaps more to the upside given the context of the day trading in the upper portion of Monday's range, having already found major support at 96). Anyway, hope this trade works out for you Gary!
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The funniest part is, when I started to figure out what you were saying, I stopped reading and skimmed through to the bottom!
You are right, I will not let any of that create a bias... and the only way I know how is not to listen in the first place! lol! The mind has a mind of it's own...
lol Gary! When you re-read you will see that I have no real opinion either way as the structure is not particularly supporting either side in my opinion, so the joke is on you
So, which bit of that analysis would you bet the farm on?
I hope you take my comments as trying to be funny. I am not always good at that...
I am working on something different in my mind right now. Less analysis, more digesting what I have learned. More of a "so what" if I am wrong, and a "trust myself" approach with what I know from experience.
I know you are joking Gary, I have always gotten your sense of humor. Since you have already "bet the farm" here and have a risk free trade, you are in a great position to trust yourself to do whatever you deem best. As you say, in the big scheme of things, it's one trade, so very much it's a case of "so what" if you are wrong (or right, for that matter).
Won't overstay my welcome, good to see you my friend. Btw, you still clearly have "the touch" in trading, as you always have, it's very cool to see.
-J
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Forgetting why I got in and how many hours of experience went into the whys, whens and hows... This is all I know;
Price broke it's intermediate trendline recently, shown in green.
The red dashed line probably contains stops from today.
The next thing I can find, based on how I view the market, as a decent suport structure is down around 95.50.
Stops are also most likely around that 95.90ish pivot. Bargain buyers may also be in that zone.
I know that crude can move easily $2 in a 24 hour period.
I have no idea where price is going from here.
I am already in the trade, and my stop loss is set to where my risk is currently non-existent.
I know that sitting in this trade, currently up 38 ticks, gives me some feeling of discomfort, or anxiety, or wanting to close the door to the unknown. It has been open long enough, so I feel. And that feeling is what I need to get comfortable with.
Always welcome with me Josh. Come trade in Orlando for a week. I have the coolest setup right now, staying in a friend's house for awhile as I sort out where I go from here. Never had such a great view from a trade desk. I'll post some photos sometime.
My friend has decided to live other places for awhile. He left some of his stuff here and as I moved it into storage for him I found the wisdom of a fortune cookine, "KEEP YOUR FACE TO THE SUN AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE SHADOWS". That, my friend, is a pretty good trading plan. I am short, what reason is there for the market to go up?
" I will follow my rules, I will take my stops, I will be disciplined and i will work with the market....NOT AGAINST IT! Professional mind control is the key"
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The Razor's Edge Newsletter
For People Who Live Life in the Pursuit of Excellence
"Those Thoughts Are Molding You"
by Peter Ragnar
When a radio or television is blaring in the background or people are talking among themselves, we register these sounds unconsciously. Whenever we hear a commercial jingle, that jingle may even loop in our brains days later.
"It’s the same with popular songs we hear that soon have us singing the lyrics sub vocally."
The smallest particles of sound are called phonons. Phonons are not audibly detectable. A phonon is the amount of energy found in a vibration. That energy is actually atomic particles found in the crystalline solids within our bodies. They have a powerful influence on our thoughts and behavior, as well as the health of our bodies. For this reason, we should carefully monitor how we listen to negative conversations or express displeasure.
If you think of your body as a human tuning fork that has been set to a certain tone, it will help you understand your behavior.
This is especially true when your behavior surprises you. All of our decisions and all of our actions are filtered and influenced by the dominant tone of our conditioning. Our unconscious sub vocalizations—those times we hear ourselves talking to ourselves—are products of social conditioning and the things we have convinced ourselves to believe. Our physical flesh also reflects those beliefs. Those thoughts are molding our bodies.
If you think of how much advertising you’re exposed to daily, you can see how the race to occupy your brain has gotten faster. Back in the 1970s, when there were only three major television networks competing for your attention, they reached an estimated 70 percent
of the viewing population. CBS News recently reported that today the amount of advertising is significantly greater:
Well, it’s a non-stop blitz of advertising messages," President of the Marketing Firm Yankelovich, Jay Walker-Smith said. "Everywhere we turn we’re saturated with advertising messages trying to get our attention." Walker-Smith has said we’ve gone from being exposed to about 500 ads a day back in the 1970’s to as many as 5,000 a day today. "It seems like the goal of most marketers and advertisers nowadays is to cover every blank space with some kind of brand logo or a promotion or an advertisement," Walker-Smith said. Marketers have found a way to use parking stripes, postage stamps and floors, even buses and buildings, like a target ad which practically engulfs an entire New York city block. Walker-Smith says it’s all an assault on the senses.”
So, how do we combat these invasions? By consciously reprogramming and overriding the trash that clamors for our attention. The constant tugging to buy this or that, to join this or that, to be this or that, is just another way the ego deceives us into thinking that having is happiness. Having isn’t good or bad: it’s simply
neutral. The difficulty arises when we think that arrival at a certain point or having certain things will result in perfect peace.
"Peace is what happens when we are content as we are in the present moment."
The secret is that when we vibrate the emotion of contentment, we attract more external conditions that amplify the inner condition. Contentment is a discovery, not an accomplishment. No running or purchasing is required. The moment all those limiting thoughts and ideas are dissolved, you’ve freed up your mental hard drive.
"My question has always been, why don’t we simply reprogram ourselves with the code needed to break the old conditioning that has us running around like rats in a maze?"
When we combine meditation and new subliminal instructions, we soon find the old messages dissolving. Meditation clears up space so that you can fit new instructions onto your mental hard drive and become the conscious creator of a new mind and body. Now you are free at last!
Reflections from Turtle Lake,
Peter
That email newletter just came today, but it is amazingly close to the thoughts I have been having with myself over the past few months, and the things I am working on with my trading right now.
Aside from what my psychological excercies are, even market movement can be referred to as "noise", and that can bombard a trader when they pay too close attention as I did for so long. It can cause one to forget what to believe in.
OK, now I really read it. Yes, I was trying to decide if I really was looking for a swing trade, where my stop would be, and where I had it was not it. But, I had not really done any research on where it should be.
Josh, I never really got into POC very deep, so your number may be perfect, but I would never know. Someday I may still dig into that more, and I can see where a volume ladder view would maybe be beneficial to my own take on VSA.
Hey Gary - good to see you back man. Sounds like you're in a good place with the different house, etc - all good stuff. And as usual you nailed that trade. I've never been psyched about holding things overnight either - but sometimes I wish I was!
happy trading
Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty. - Frank Herbert
The following user says Thank You to Surly for this post:
The overnight is not that bad to me, but the space between when markets are truly closed, where stops and targets do not exist, that is something I do not even consider. I can always get back into a trade.
Yes, much better place in all respects. Life is good, trading is relaxed. Hope all is right with you, and appreciate the time we talked.
I would like to take a trade, just because there is a part of me that enjoys the activity itself, but I have not found a place that feels right today. Initial resistance should be around 96 even, but the fall down was so sharp that I would prefer to see some more structure to acceptance/rejection.
Currently a runaway train to the upside... nailing all shorts who were looking for the sky to fall this morning...
Man, they are getting slaughtered, lol! straight up 130 ticks... if there was ever a lesson in trading crude that I learned so many times it makes me queasy, it is do not step in front of crude in impulse mode. Go with it or get out of the way. I am still watching the short side, south of 96.50, but this is too violent for me.
They are all futures.io (formerly BMT). Keep in mind I just put them there based on visuals. Really that is the 1min volume I am watching, and the other stuff is mostly there for entertainment. If you want the template I can send to you.
Coming back to this, while CL does this often enough, that sharp spike bottom and straight back to where it started gets me the majority of times I attempt to trade it.
Doubt. An emotion that causes me to question the future from a negative perspective.
It does not change the future, but it changes my decision making as I participate along the way.
The trade outcome does not matter. The stop placement does not matter. Allowing my trade decisions to stand and what happens, happens, while I participate with optimism, belief, acceptance...
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Can someone explain to me the title of this thread? I tried a google search and found nothing useful. I don't understand... turtle's don't have balconies...
Do traders have anything that truly exists? A tangible "holy grail"? Or is the secret in the belief system, the psychological world we form around us that shapes our decisions?
It reminds me of P.G.Wodehouse's novel Leave it to Psmith in which Psmith tries to understand this line of a poet he is trying to impersonate. the poem starts with...
Across the pale parabola of joy...
chuckle!
@Big Mike leave the deciphering to the critics they can extract meanings which even the authors could not have intended in their wildest dreams!
The following user says Thank You to iqgod for this post:
Sitting here in a trade on the day's unpopular side, I remember something I read of @tigertrader, who is in my opinion one of the most intellectual contributors on this site. His writings have been as entertaining as any book I have purchased about trading.
Sent Big Mike a private message going into deeper detail about this thread's name. Not that he would require it, but out of respect. If not for him, we would never have known this community.
We are a generation that has online friends that we may never know outside of the internet. And while the physical side still holds weight, it is becoming less of a dividing line than it was in years past. "Seeing" some familar people here after such a long break was good for my spirit.
"Home again, home again...and you know where that's at." - Richard Brautigan
That is just being silly. Really, I know for certain that going into the pit close can be very turbulent, and I realized the trade I was in was good enough for the time of day. Not really "luck". It just as easily could have gone another 50 ticks in my favor, but to me, in that moment, the prior movement of the day said price was broadening, and the potential H&S would keep a lid on any extended move.
Tomorrow, or Monday, could be interesting.
What I want is to train myself to let a trade have more freedom than I once allowed. Or rather, started to allow and then began to think I "knew what I was doing", which leads to trying to "do" something about it...
Hard to explain where I am in trading without sounding somewhat insane. But, who am I to question my own insanity? We all have something we might be concerned would be labeled as such by others... Or if we don't, there is something wrong with us.
While I noted last night the significance of the pivot by a yellow arrow, the movement up has tried to reverse back down at the 382, then the 50%, and most recently the 618 at 96.57. I have taken one 22 tick long, going in the direction that coincided with the ES breakout, but now am still very aware of the higher timeframe H&S possibility.
I have been watching crude all day, wanting to buy, but can't find a place to do it. I made one entry, and then saw something in the volume that made me pull my target in very tight.
This is more trading in my mind. As I am really drawn to longer timeframes, I decided to explore the weekly VWAP, and am suggesting this area as a "buy", but traded from the short side this morning.
Last night is the first time I have ever used this weekly VWAP, so I know nothing regarding it, and changed my background to get my mind to interpret it with less prior influence.
And another place I know nothing... This chart is in honor of my buddy @greenr. I am going to watch what I believe is one of his views as I study the book "Markets In Profile".
Dont be fooled by the red and green.....think about it logically
" I will follow my rules, I will take my stops, I will be disciplined and i will work with the market....NOT AGAINST IT! Professional mind control is the key"
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I am fooled easily, but not paying attention to those charts really yet. lol
I shorted the daily VWAP, but used it as additional confluence with other things I am more comfortable with. Today it worked, but as with all things in trading, was it coincidence or not? Time will tell. I bought out of my short already at 97.35 due to a HV catch and am done.
Gary, it seems to me you are quite good already at using volume and your general read, that you are already using order flow effectively. What you are seeking to learn in your book (and I would recommend Mind Over Markets over that one, though I like them both) is unrelated to that particular chart that you are now using, as that chart has little to do with structure, which is what profiling is useful for.
The following user says Thank You to josh for this post:
Josh, I really have no opinion about POC, VWAP, VAH/L, IB, etc, as it has never really been something I studied in depth. I know what it is enough to talk about it from a chart perspective, but nothing about how to use it as an advantage. I was reading Ryan's post in another thread and decided to imitate one of his charts for awhile, which is what I posted. But it means absolutely nothing to me in terms of having a clue.
What I THINK you are referring to is this other chart I am starting to watch. But still, I am a complete market profile idiot and really do not even know if my charts are right yet. I am going to read both books mentioned and thought I would just start to get familiar with what the charts looked like. If you or @greenr have any advice on setting up charts and indicators correctly I would welcome it.
For today, and probably for awhile to come, I am still making trade decisions the old fashioned way, using prior pivot structure, fibs, short term momentum, and 1 minute volume. It is all I know at this point, but I want to know more.
This has been interesting. I have been doing it for awhile, and the change is not instant, but over time is perceptible. Greater calm, clarity, patience, peace, etc.
For fun, and as part of opening my mind to a new way of thinking, I changed my entire chart setup as a new workspace that I have flipped back and forth with my regular charts over the past few days.
I changed the background to white to help open my mind, and also to make obvious I do not know these charts. (I have switched to my old setup before taking a trade, as being unfamiliar spooks me some)
I just noticed how "happy" it all looked, and might just keep it for that reason.
" I will follow my rules, I will take my stops, I will be disciplined and i will work with the market....NOT AGAINST IT! Professional mind control is the key"
I have decided to read "Mind over Markets" first, but without even getting past the first chapter, this view immediately makes sense to me.
But this view ( where I imitated @greenr using a 1600 tick chart ) makes no sense to me whatsoever in trying to extract something useful out of the volume ladder content. I am just sitting here staring at it, zooming in and out, trying to even get what benefit it could give.
Have yet to post in this thread but was interested in this because I had something in common. About 2 years ago I got the same thing from my wife, but I didnt get to chose one, it was "I want you to get me p90x so we can do it together". Long story short I did it a few weeks and she did it a few days. There is a lot of equipment needed to do the whole program like pull up bars, free weights exc. This year she wanted to try INSANITY tried it a while ago but then was sick for a while and have not got back to it yet, but if I had to chose between the 2 I would go with INSANITY.
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I am letting her pick, and it sounds like it will be what appears to be the least manly choice, "TurboFire". My wife is excited about it, and she is more likely to keep at it anyway. She is to working out as I am to trading.
The girls are hot... Hopefully no one will see us through the windows as I try to keep up with the booty shaking.
Decided to fade today. Not sure why from an indicator standpoint. It was based on seeing something in the volume bars highlighted, but with this new chart I am playing with it looks worse than it felt. I have so many things on the chart that I do not really use and it feels awkward.
Messed around with settings and colors to get a MP view that I think I like. The contrast of colors makes it easy to see groupings of value better than where I started.