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I am NOT a Trader
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I am NOT a Trader

  #1 (permalink)
10 out of 10
Sacramento, CA
 
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eudamonia's Avatar
 
Posts: 310 since Jul 2010
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I am NOT a Trader

I am NOT a Trader
I am NOT a husband, brother, son
I am NOT a $
I am NOT my job
I am NOT my hobbies
I am NOT a fancy car or vacation or anything else

These are just labels, things, roles that I play. But they are not me. Strip all these wordly concepts away and I am still me.

I am NOT a Trader but I play one on TV. I choose this role because it is fun and because it has value. Fun because it is a thinking game - challenging but not impossible. Valuable because it is uncertain like life is uncertain. People fear uncertainty because they are uncertain of death. What happens after? Anything? Everything? Uncertainty indeed. So trading = death. That is why we are so scared. Why the ego, the "I" in TradIng, is so attached. So needy. The ego needs to know. To be certain. To exist. Or else it dies. But it was never me to begin with only a role I choose to play.

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  #2 (permalink)
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  #3 (permalink)
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Watched Fight Club recently?

I agree with your sentiments about fearing the unknown. I've never been afraid of dying and I became profitable within a month.

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  #4 (permalink)
10 out of 10
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Is the goal really to make money? Or to learn about ourselves? Money is nice certainly. But it has never lead to personal growth. After all I am not a $.

So Lornz I'll ask, since you don't fear death or uncertainty and were completely profitable from the start what challenges you to grow as a person? I'm not being satorical. I really want to know because I realize I fear success too. I fear stagnating under a big pile of money in the Bahamas with hot women all around me and every one of my needs taken care of. Because what will I do then to challenge myself and to grow?

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  #5 (permalink)
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eudamonia View Post
Is the goal really to make money? Or to learn about ourselves? Money is nice certainly. But it has never lead to personal growth. After all I am not a $.

So Lornz I'll ask, since you don't fear death or uncertainty and were completely profitable from the start what challenges you to grow as a person? I'm not being satorical. I really want to know because I realize I fear success too. I fear stagnating under a big pile of money in the Bahamas with hot women all around me and every one of my needs taken care of. Because what will I do then to challenge myself and to grow?

In trading goal is to make money. I can find myself other ways

"The day I became a winning trader was the day it became boring. Daily losses no longer bother me and daily wins no longer excited me. Took years of pain and busting a few accounts before finally got my mind right. I survived the darkness within and now just chillax and let my black box do the work."
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  #6 (permalink)
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liquidcci View Post
In trading goal is to make money. I can find myself other ways

Ok let's assume this is true. Then if I am not making money as a trader I have no value and there is no reason to be trading other than $.

So today I had a losing trade. Am I not a trader?

Well you might say, "one trade is irrelevant".

So this month was a losing month. Am I not a trader?

Well you might say, "one month is not enough time".

So this year was a losing year. Am I not a trader?

How long will this perpetuate before the ego, the "I" in tradIng is destroyed? Will we not start to feel threatened, that our very being is under attack at the slightest drawdown? And will we not respond vigorously, doing everything in our power (like pulling our stop losses) to ensure that we never have a major losing streak? Where does this end? Probably when we've embraced our ego to the fullest and we "forced" the market to see things our way. And another account is destroyed, ego and confidence shattered (but still lurking in the background), and are we any closer to learning about ourselves? Is our sole focus on making money (the opposite of losing money) moving us any closer to success or pushing us further away?

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  #7 (permalink)
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eudamonia View Post
Is the goal really to make money? Or to learn about ourselves? Money is nice certainly. But it has never lead to personal growth. After all I am not a $.

So Lornz I'll ask, since you don't fear death or uncertainty and were completely profitable from the start what challenges you to grow as a person? I'm not being satorical. I really want to know because I realize I fear success too. I fear stagnating under a big pile of money in the Bahamas with hot women all around me and every one of my needs taken care of. Because what will I do then to challenge myself and to grow?

It took a while to get satisfactory risk-adjusted returns to warrant scaling up significantly. Trading is just a game, I have always had other/nobler ambitions in life. As I still have to trade for a few more years, I have tried to familiarize myself with more strategies and asset classes. Some of my trading is based on macroeconomic conditions, thus I need to constantly stay on top, preferably even ahead, of the political and economical turns of the world.

My intraday trading has become mind-numbingly boring. I hope this is my last year of such endeavors. I'm currently training my replacement...

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  #8 (permalink)
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eudamonia View Post
Ok let's assume this is true. Then if I am not making money as a trader I have no value and there is no reason to be trading other than $.

So today I had a losing trade. Am I not a trader?

Well you might say, "one trade is irrelevant".

So this month was a losing month. Am I not a trader?

Well you might say, "one month is not enough time".

So this year was a losing year. Am I not a trader?

How long will this perpetuate before the ego, the "I" in tradIng is destroyed? Will we not start to feel threatened, that our very being is under attack at the slightest drawdown? And will we not respond vigorously, doing everything in our power (like pulling our stop losses) to ensure that we never have a major losing streak? Where does this end? Probably when we've embraced our ego to the fullest and we "forced" the market to see things our way. And another account is destroyed, ego and confidence shattered (but still lurking in the background), and are we any closer to learning about ourselves? Is our sole focus on making money (the opposite of losing money) moving us any closer to success or pushing us further away?

If you can throw a football does that make you a football player?
If you can make a basket does that make you a basketball player?

There is a big difference between trading and being a trader. Anyone can trade but all are not traders. Not being a trader does not mean you have no value. Failing at trading does not mean you have no value. Sometimes we assign our success or failures to our value. But neither of those things determine a persons worth in my opinion.

Trading will reveal much about who you are and who you are not but it's purpose is to make money. There are cheaper ways to look deep inside and "find yourself" if that is what you are after.

"The day I became a winning trader was the day it became boring. Daily losses no longer bother me and daily wins no longer excited me. Took years of pain and busting a few accounts before finally got my mind right. I survived the darkness within and now just chillax and let my black box do the work."

Last edited by liquidcci; April 24th, 2012 at 03:38 PM.
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  #9 (permalink)
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Yesterday and during the O/N session the following levels were observed:

1383.75 responsive sellers
1376.75 acceptance
1370 initiative sellers
1369.5 responsive sellers
1364.5 acceptance
1360.25 acceptance
1356.75 acceptance
1354 responsive buyers

Premise for the day:

Holding below 1354/55 = looking for trend day down
Holding above 1354/55 and below 1360/62.25 = looking for balancing day
Holding above 1360/62.25 = looking for gaps to be filled at 72.5 and 75.25

We held above 1360/62.25 with the low of the day at 1362.75. Therefore, I was looking for 72.5 as my first upside target and was looking at longs only.

6:30a - ES open at 1363.75. OS low 1363.5. OS high 1365.5

6:42a - ES long @1362.75. Target is 66. Risk is 2. +3.25
Main premise of the day. Took profit at pre-market resistance looking to re-enter on pullback.

7:25a – ES long @1368. Target is 72.
9:44a – ES long @1366.5 (avg 1367.5). Target is 72. Risk is 4. -4
Continuation of main premise. Entered at likely pull-back areas. OS high did not hold.

11:25a – ES long @1364.00. Target is 66. Risk is 2. +2
Test of the OS low. Probability of neutral day is low. Near the IB. Target at pre-market resistance.

12:17a – ES long @1366.5. Target 70.5. Risk is 1.5. +0 (end of day)
Continuation of main premise after pullback in pre-market resistance. Ran out of time before close.

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  #10 (permalink)
10 out of 10
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Posts: 310 since Jul 2010
Thanks: 299 given, 424 received


Ever since we entered school we have been measured, graded. The grading system accounts for most of the disappointments growing up. At home, we are measured by our parents whether you are “doing good” or “you are a disappointment”. We get a job and it is the same except now a boss evaluates us. Our lives are a constant struggle “not to disappoint” which in turn sets us up for perpetual disappointment.

Most of our social conditioning comes from this very fact. It is the elusive obvious. We don’t question this system. We just are born into it and grow into it and will probably die in it without questioning it or its validity. Most of this measuring is done by people who in turn are being measured..and it goes on infinitum.

Then we come to trading. We get into it and what do we do? Same old measuring. This is the reason many traders struggle with “outcome vs. process”. They can not let go of the measuring. Bad trade/good trade, bad day/good day, good entry/bad entry, good/bad performance, good trading method vs bad trading method, good advice vs bad advice and the list goes on and on.

We miss out on the courage to be imperfect. My best performances as a trader have been imperfect ones. I came back from gross mistakes or salvaged bad situations. When we let go of perfection results came tumbling down. I would say that being courageous is defined by how imperfect you can be. How much of a fool you are willing to be perceived as. How much "measuring" you are willing to mess up.

I believe in fact that trial and error is at the heart of successful trading. That´s how it is learned. Most traders are terrified to make mistakes. Why? You guessed it right. The measuring system. It haunts them in the back of their head. Makes them feel they need to “improve” constantly to “live up to”. Not good because it destroys our natural ability. It goes against our core. The trader is not relaxed so he can not perform properly. His own outcome oriented mind paralyzes him. The “need for constant feedback” is at the heart of the measuring system. The need to be “reassured” that we are doing it right even when we are doing it right. Self confidence is coming from the “outside” not from inside where it should.

Therefore, I won't judge results on the basis of good or bad. I am enough.

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