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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets


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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

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  #4601 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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Something very closely related to this though

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  #4602 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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Sommelier - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Stretching over. The impact was deeper than I had planned. But, when is trading ever as planned, exactly.

I saw a quote recently that read, "You must be rigid in your rules, and flexible in your expectations..." the second half of that quote is not as important, and not included here.

I never took a trade in NZDUSD, nothing came up. But I am locking onto target.


..........................


I upgraded SC as usual, and it did something that went haywire on my indicator cocktail. I had to re install everything. I had backups, but not as easy to reassemble as the word sounds like. So I got up this Sunday around 0630est to start putting it all back together, on 2 computers, each with 2 installations. The SC help section was good. But that did not mean it was not an all morning job to do.

Q2

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  #4603 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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There is that global DB around the major 382, keeping upside pressure on this move. For whatever reason. Meanwhile, on the micro level price is about to challenge the DB out of the Sunday open. trend has shifted in the lower measures. War is a topic, and without it I doubt there would ave been such a parting of ways with equities.

But inside of all of that is this nonstop balance.

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  #4604 (permalink)
ykpuffy07
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pls i'm a newbie to this forum and i will like to know how i can get the indicators shown on the displayed charts in the first page

 
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  #4605 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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ykpuffy07 View Post
pls i'm a newbie to this forum and i will like to know how i can get the indicators shown on the displayed charts in the first page

They all came from the indicators section on this site, or were included in the version of NnjaTrader I was using. I have never looked at the new NT, there could be better ones in there now.

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  #4606 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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3 months of mind-numbing research later, my first parts just arrived. I am like a kid on Christmas day.

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  #4607 (permalink)
 Market Sniper 88 
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GaryD View Post


3 months of mind-numbing research later, my first parts just arrived. I am like a kid on Christmas day.

Always fun getting new stuff - are you putting it together yourself?

 
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 GaryD 
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Market Sniper 88 View Post
Always fun getting new stuff - are you putting it together yourself?

I think so. I moved everything to the new laptop today, it is currently running the monitors that the Sony did. That will give me some time to figure out what I am doing. I have disassembled the Sony, making sure I really want to build into that case. I am not sure yet.


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  #4609 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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The wires from my power button are not long enough.

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  #4610 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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As strange as this sounds coming from me, to me, I made it. The fear is gone, the focus is there.

And I am not "up" this year in my new account. I am "up" in my forex account, and may be about to close my Mirus account. But back to "up", I had a demon I had to battle. And I decided how, and when. And those entire time, thought of it as an observer. I know it sounds crazy.

but I got myself to a place where

1) I COULD do something that I thought needed to happen
2) I understood myself well enough that I was OK allowing myself to go there
3) I know trading. Well enough.


And so today, as I chatted with a new friend on skype, I explained every entry and exit, as best that I can while trading on one computer and typing on another. How much I made does not matter. My win % does not matter. All of that resets anyway, based on my trading plan for 2014.

The initial feeling was "ricochet". And, that it was. Violent reversal. as if price went to the lowest low, and then back to the highest high, in a matter of minutes.

I questioned everything, did everything different, almost. You would not have seen it if you lived next to me. I looked the same, did similar things, waved hello... And inside there was this still very unstable feeling.

Every time CL used to spike bottom and then run for months after, it always took awhile to adjust to the "new trend". That feeling is mental inertia. MENTAL INERTIA. the anchor that holds us to trading issues. Meanwhile, the computers that move the market have no feelings. It just moves based on the latest and greatest, which is already history as of, anytime.

It does similar things, and that is the only reason those programs exist. otherwise, it truly would be chaos. But how can you judge something when what you think does not matter? It just is, was one of the sayings I remember from my childhood story about a guy who lost everything. It was eastern religion based, I think. hard to tell from that time in my life, but I think it was.

My power button wire is too short. I went t the local computer store, no extension cords. They had a kit for $49. I could buy a new case for that. I had wanted to do this custom case, my sony was translucent on the front. I could do some grahpics inside and then light it up. but, I am not wanting to mess with frying the mobo, not because of the $100, but because, I did not get into building a computer for that. The obsession is not the computer, it is what I can do with it. And it must run for that to occur.

So I guess, of all the cases, the Fractal Design is just good stuff. Same with Corsair, but I like the logo better on Fractal. That was what it came down to. I was in a class once where they said Hilton or Hyatt, I forget which, paid millions for their new logo. Now I get it.

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 GaryD 
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Built my black box today. Started around 8am, was not ready to install the OS until maybe 6 hours later.

I built it with a lot of thought and care. Routed and then re-routed the cables, initially because the cable routing behind the frame was very tight, but as the wires kept coming, I realized "art" was from necessity.

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 GaryD 
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I came at this year with a feeling of exuberance. I was "free". I was "capable" of doing something impossible...

Time to celebrate! But, because I was coming out of a imte where I had lost freedom, for several years, my celebration became an extended holiday.


And I saw this the last time I was heading off into full time land. And I did not escape that time.

Tonight, after spending from 8am until 10pm putting this new rig together, and still cannot get onto the fucking internet, I am happy that I decided to do this this time. I knew what I would do. I see that I am on the edges of extreme in social context. It has felt like an embarrassment most of my life. But in the cycle, that rotation, bound at the center, there is still room for movement in any direction, as far as seems impossible.

I felt that in more detail as I built that machine. I felt excited. I enjoy being in a cycle. And that is exactly what trading is.

I said to Melissa rently,, "What if I don't make it?", and she just said, "what if I get that job in Clearwater?"

The point not being, admitting any level of defeat. I have rationed well. It is just that, Q2 2014, vacation is over.

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jtrader2013
Nice/France
 
 
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Hi Gary,

Im very new here,i start trading few months ago,im still struggling(only losses)
i spend all the week-end reading your journal,very well organized and very informatif.
What is your advice to a new struggling trader since you have many years n experience?
sorry for my english
i hope you a good day

jtrader

 
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 Itchymoku 
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I've had people ask me "what if you don't make it?" and I answer them "I'll still try in some fashion or another". After making money and knowing it's possible it'll always be in the back of my head to take it to it's furthest. Failure isn't an option. I read this in an article on yahoo -

Myth: Millionaires are just lucky
“One of the great quotes that I love is 'the harder you work the luckier you get.' And time and time again I have seen them be so full of hard work. One of the people I interviewed -- his name was Bobby Casey -- he had a company that built bicycles for Walmart. He went to 60 Walmarts before one of them would accept his company, and I asked him, 'what if you only went to 59 and quit?' And he was like, 'well I would have kept going until I hit 300 stores. I never would have quit.'”

R.I.P. Joseph Bach (Itchymoku), 1987-2018.
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 GaryD 
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jtrader2013 View Post
Hi Gary,

Im very new here,i start trading few months ago,im still struggling(only losses)
i spend all the week-end reading your journal,very well organized and very informatif.
What is your advice to a new struggling trader since you have many years n experience?
sorry for my english
i hope you a good day

jtrader

Quit now while you still can.

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  #4616 (permalink)
jtrader2013
Nice/France
 
 
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thank you for the good advice
What is your favorit market to trade (exept crude oil) and ou think a new trader can develop his knowledge trading it?

 
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  #4617 (permalink)
 GaryD 
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jtrader2013 View Post
What is your advice to a new struggling trader since you have many years n experience?

jtrader

I am prone to extreme sarcasm. Even though, there is truth to what I said. Trading is not for everyone, it is not easy, and it nearly requires a doctorate in trading and in psychology, AND, the ability to apply that consistently day in and day out.

Meanwhile, markets shift their behavior's over time, and so it is also a constant pursuit of maintaining balance. I am not sur eif it is in here yet, but I found some quote recently about (close enough) "Traders need to be rigid in their approach and flexible in their expectations..." and without completely wrecking the quote, it just goes on to say most of the world is wired to do just the opposite.

My background;

I have read a library of books about trading. Wave struture, trend following, market profile, volume analysis, risk versus reward, specific entry and exit techniques, trader psychology. I have applied a lot of different methods from all of that, had them work for awhile, not work (and/or I was not able to follow through on the drawdowns).

I have spent the last couple years digging into my mind, understanding everything I do, and why. A weird example is, I know that there is a desire in me to be an incredible trader, not just good, I mean out of this world good. The why is related to my ego, my personality, my obsessive nature. I know that while I am anti-violent (29 year vegetarian, never fight, raise stray animals as a lifestyle), I have a fighter inside that comes out in my work. That approach works good in a lot of industries, not as much in trading. ("... flexible in their expectations").

So, after all of that, I figured out what I would and would not allow myself to do, how much money I was willing to sacrifice to understand something more. The remainder of this year will tell if I have succeeded in my approach or not. To me, it finally comes down to how trading works for you as an individual, there is not one way. But, things like position sizing, experience, risk to reward, all of that can add an edge.

To boil trading down to it's simplest terms, price revolves around a mean. The mean is only seen in hindsight, but it can be statistically proven that price always comes back to that mean, as long as the mean is defined as a moving target. Price either moves away from it, or back to it. There are always multiple means, as it does the same thing on a large scale and a small scale. To get the best edge, you become aware of where that mean is over a blend of views. You manage your risk as you decide where to get in and out.

This year to date, I am not really the guy to ask. I pushed myself through a lot of self issues, which I referred to as stretching, and then analyzed myself before, during, and after. It was meant to go on for 2 months, I "stretched it" into the 3rd. But, I planned for it, I chose it, and I believe I am on the right path. Check back with me at the end of this year and I'll tell you if I really do know anything.

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 GaryD 
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jtrader2013 View Post
thank you for the good advice
What is your favorit market to trade (exept crude oil) and ou think a new trader can develop his knowledge trading it?


Get your nose broken a few times.

I was drawn to crude because it can have these crazy extended moves. A market like ES is more back and fill. But CL is a beast of a market, leaves a trail of blood wherever it goes. I have studied it for close to 5 years as my market, and that allows me to stay alive in it, but there are easier ways to trade. My win/loss % and my account balance are much better this year in forex than in crude. The reason being, in forex I can scale out to .01 of a contract, which in itself is an edge, and the dollar size of the move is small enough that I really lose interest after awhile and let the trade just do it's thing. lastly, I have no history in forex, I do not understand what would make one currency move against the other enough to have any real opinion. So I am forced to rely on basic information, without any prejudices.

I had a week recently where I did not have a winning day in cl, and won in every forex pair I traded. That is bias, thinking about it too much, ego says I know something that really I do not.

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 GaryD 
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As ironic as it feels to me tonight, I have come full circle from where I started this. Long story.

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 GaryD 
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"I am "passionate". Period. I play(ed) guitar that way, I run(ran) businesses that way. And I trade that way.

But as of today, something in that chemistry does not apply as well to trading as to anything else. So, as I dial that layer in, I play a lot of disc golf, but apply the psychology. I decided to build my own computer, and apply the same psychology. They are more similar than it may sound."



Something from an email

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 GaryD 
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Not predicting. Just something I see recently.

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 GaryD 
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My win percentage in forex is around 80%. My win percentage last month in CL was below 40%.

As I start to trade differently in forex, using scaling as an additional edge, and then attempt to mimic that at CL... my mind will not allow me to feel the same. As of today.

I have tried a lot of ways, and am realizing that is why the need to "crawl you way". And going back to crawling is painful and humbling to me. Not a feeling that is easy to relax into. But, that is what I am making my core trade exercise; relaxing back into crawling. Or just, live. Survive.

The rules of survival are different. There is an unusual set of priorities when contrasted against a purist definition of "civilized society". And finding a place in that, with the practical need to keep one foot in both worlds, is balance.

Very similar to anyway. Right now, as I sit with better posture than in years, I can take a deep breath and enjoy feeling the subtleties of the muscles that maintain balance. I do not even have to think about it, they just do it on their own. Autopilot. But, autopilot means writing something that worked in the past. Until a robot can survive in the wild, humans are just, faster. Period.

But, humans have "thought", "ego", "emotion", and even deeper, necessities. Computers do not understand any feeling of being obligated to do anything.

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 GaryD 
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I wrote a much longer explanation to my friend and mentor. I am becoming a completely different person. I want different things, I really want nothing.

I would choose experience over stuff today,

where before it was imagined the same, but lived the opposite, out of necessity.

My avatar changes as I write this, I did not realize at first that it also changes past posts. I would be cool for me to be able to see where the shifts took place. But because of that I document that I am on scalpels. Prior was 3 dragons. Prior was 3 dragons way out of focus. In there somewhere in that mix, just me, in front of my trade desk.

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 Itchymoku 
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GaryD View Post
My win percentage in forex is around 80%. My win percentage last month in CL was below 40%

Do you think if CL was sold in fractional contracts similarly to small lot sizes in forex, where you had the ability to fully scale in or out, that it would help your CL trading? (assuming that the fractional contracts had the same liquidity but proportional commission etc.)

And if you had that ability with CL would you still trade Forex?

Thanks,
Itchymoku

R.I.P. Joseph Bach (Itchymoku), 1987-2018.
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 GaryD 
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Itchymoku View Post
Do you think if CL was sold in fractional contracts similarly to small lot sizes in forex, where you had the ability to fully scale in or out, that it would help your CL trading? (assuming that the fractional contracts had the same liquidity but proportional commission etc.)

And if you had that ability with CL would you still trade Forex?

Thanks,
Itchymoku

I bought the absolute RTH bottom within a few ticks today, then washed dishes, fed the animals, rearranged wiring, and then sold the absolute RTH top within a few ticks... made maybe 15 ticks each time, and then was done for the day.

The middle, who knows.

And did so with zero scaling. It is more, the learning to scale had negative effects on my CL trading.



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 GaryD 
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Meaning, I trade differently when scaling is motivated by dollar size. And, I trade differently when it is not.

I CAN trade the larger, in a different way, but, I CANNOT trade the smaller the same. "Spread" requires a different approach, but because of the smaller size, the timing becomes less important. In larger leverage as it relates to your equity, timing become more and more important. And the hardest timing is not the entry, but the exit. Being able to drop when told, hold when told. Not caring between the two outcomes.

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Sayounara
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GaryD View Post
I bought the absolute RTH bottom within a few ticks today, then washed dishes, fed the animals, rearranged wiring, and then sold the absolute RTH top within a few ticks... made maybe 15 ticks each time, and then was done for the day.

The middle, who knows.

And did so with zero scaling. It is more, the learning to scale had negative effects on my CL trading.



this looks like a Renko chart to me. any particular reason that you chose this over ranged bars?

 
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 GaryD 
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Sayounara View Post
this looks like a Renko chart to me. any particular reason that you chose this over ranged bars?


Renko is cleaner visually, and I am attempting to follow some advice from a great trader. So far, in CL I am getting my ass kicked trying to work the market differently than I did in the past. My entries that day were dead on, and I knew not to go short until the place to go short, but holding in between, and scaling correctly, for whatever reason those abilities escape me in CL so far this year.

Recent conversation:

"What you are teaching me has started to become painful to me. In weight lifting, muscle conditioning basically, that is where growth can begin (pain). Trading is mind muscle memory, as I feel to digest the core of what you tell me. But, that way of thinking is... nevermind. Never Mind. Always Instinct. AI = Artificial Intelligence"

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 lancelottrader 
Legendary Market Wizard
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GaryD View Post
So far, in CL I am getting my ass kicked trying to work the market differently than I did in the past.

Sounds like the system you had in the past may be the better way to go......no?

Failure is not an option
 
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  #4630 (permalink)
monty1
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renko is good for entry and exit with heiken ashi..

 
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 GaryD 
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lancelottrader View Post
Sounds like the system you had in the past may be the better way to go......no?

No, not in the long run. What I am learning now is universal. My problem in CL is that I have so many years seeing it differently and that causes me to think. When I trade something i know nothing about I do so much better, following some new info.

I recently started trading NQ. I trade it better than CL. Last night I traded the EURJPY, trade it better than CL.

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  #4632 (permalink)
jtrader2013
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"I bought the absolute RTH bottom within a few ticks today, then washed dishes, fed the animals, rearranged wiring, and then sold the absolute RTH top within a few ticks... made maybe 15 ticks each time, and then was done for the day" GARYD




HI Garyd,

I read your journal from the beginning 3 times,its an amazing source of info and good other stuffs.
I really enjoy it
you mentioned that you are trying new stuff now and i am sure that you will succeed on it.

The trade you took was amazing! Can you please explain what trigger your entries and exit ? and how you was able to determine almost precisely the RTH extreme HIGH and LOW?

Jtrader

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 GaryD 
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jtrader2013 View Post
Can you please explain what trigger your entries and exit ? and how you was able to determine almost precisely the RTH extreme HIGH and LOW?

Jtrader

I do not remember that day, but most likely it was related to high volume delta divergence, a prior session high/low, and/or exhaustion extensions.

But, my CL trading is not "on" though this year. The biggest reason I did not hold that trade that day from bottom to top is lack of confidence in myself in that market. I shifted my trading approach over the past year, and it worked horribly at first. Between that and the planned "stretching", it was wise of me to ration this year as I did. Hard to describe, but some sort of forced calm. It ties together a lot of stuff for me.

I am happy with where I am; no more "ricochet", far more "reset". My expectation is that by year end I will wind up where I wanted to be.

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 GaryD 
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I have posted my TUT email of the day here when it seemed like the timing was dead on. This was today's;

"The experiment has been a success, Gary. You can now tell everyone you're a SUPERCOOLHAPPYLOVETHING to whom no limits apply.

Double-positive,
The Universe"


My house is bugged.

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 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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I had to watch for a trade like a lion in the grass today. Those days are the easiest if you can slow your mind down to speed, but the hardest if you cannot. What I did, was buy the lower side of value after the day's rotation and target the prior high.

I was in the trade between 2:06pm and 2:27pm. But was watching since 8am to make a trade.

If there is no "zen", there is no trader.


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 GaryD 
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If there is no zen, there is no trader... possibly the most insightful thought I have had to date regarding trading. Without calm, and knowing, and balance, and a centered attitude, the "trader" is not there. I thought of that a lot today as I drove around town.

There is a trader that I admire to the point of having thrown away some of my own knowledge, so that I could be more like him. But I am not him, and have no need to be. What the real focus should be, maybe what I saw that was so alluring, is to be myself more like he is himself. To trade from a place of pure awareness and understanding of what the market is doing at that moment. I have those moments of my own, but trusted them less than I should, and traded more than I should when I had nothing but a feeling that I need to be in the trade.

But there is never a need to be in a trade. There is a correct time and place, based on an understanding of some fairly simple logistics.

My avatar has gone to the surgical cut, and it is fitting. The cut has nothing to do with structure or indicators, and everything to do with brain surgery.

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 ratfink 
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GaryD View Post
What the real focus should be, maybe what I saw that was so alluring, is to be myself more like he is himself.

Recently found the same animal. Hoping he sticks around.

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 GaryD 
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Today I played the video game "Defender", choosing the prior NPOCs as my line. Pre-commission was 51 ticks net, but it took lots of quarters to play as long as I did. I rotated in and out from the upstream side, viewing this area as higher time support for a confluence of reasons.



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 GaryD 
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 GaryD 
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  • possible
  • probable
  • scaleable

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 GaryD 
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 Itchymoku 
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what's the orange lines? the initial balance?

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 GaryD 
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Itchymoku View Post
what's the orange lines? the initial balance?

Yes, weekly IB, but I do not use those lines for anything, that was a chart template from @Private Banker. That is up just for reference to weekly vwap. It was just accident that I saw that structure, and the trade gave up at the 3rd top. The pattern may still hold weight on Monday though.

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 GaryD 
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I did a test, where I traded as I envisioned my mentor traded, since the beginning of this year. I used one account, and it kicked my ass. The rationing I have mentioned, and was not comfortable going into more detail than that... that is the executive summary.

I just let him know the same thing.

But, the strange part to me, is that I really do not care. Not that I do not realize money is necessary, but that I also realize it is still abundantly available. And, that in the process of really not caring it has caused me to live differently, and in that new center of gravity in life, I am seeing the markets differently.

When my "job" is to go out and take a few dollars out of the market, if that was the equivalent of chasing crumbs, I can do that for days and days. But what I see is some trade I exit right, and others I do not. And in that "do not", there is this craving that builds. That is good tenacity, bad thinking.

My new trade box is running smooth, I spent at least 12 hours again in the build, updating, driver loading, software installation, historical data downloading, settings configuration...


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Thxo
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Um .... okay, .. let's see .... where's the water cooler ????


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 iqgod 
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Thxo View Post
Um .... okay, .. let's see .... where's the water cooler ????


The water-cooler, you said?

.... in a non-descript corporate office where the whiners gather for gossip and grumbling?

Such a place has no existence in Gary's setup; he has found himself, found what he loves to do and knows what he is good at. And he is cultivating his strengths, from a place of peace.

Metaphors apart, he has cabled it neatly, I must say!


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 GaryD 
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This year I have been following a trader that is way out of my league, and who approaches the market differently than I ever have. The result is that I am now trying to ride two (or more) completely different timeframes, entering at the exhaustion of the higher with the expectancy of the lower, and many times I am a day, session, or hour early. That is not how it was explained to me, but that is how my mind is interpreting it as of now.

The bottom line results so far are that in forex markets my win % continues to rise. In futures markets it continues to fall. This has been my worst performance in a YTD in CL trading since my first year. Meanwhile, I barely ever lose in markets that i do not have a clue in. It has something to do with the hourglass meets the scalpel. Getting the right hold time merged with the right level of precision. I am tempted to go back and forget a lot of new information, but instead I just keep working through it as detached as I can be, focusing on just digesting the results and learning from them.

One thing I know, is that in forex trading, I truly have zero concern about the money. Most of the time I trade the smallest entry increment available. I was in 3 scales last night and netted around $3, which was a great night. I play it more like a game. And another thing I know, is that my motivation to do the same in CL is related to money, and somehow that is enough to reverse the outcome.

On the bright side, I have seen this before and prepared myself this year. And, regardless of any trade results, I am happier and more energetic than I have been in several years, my relationship with friends and family is far better, I have several new outside interests and hobbies, I talk with my wife and friends with incredible honesty about my trading.

I really am not upset with myself about anything trade related. I just keep pushing along, this time not feeling because i need to, but because I enjoy it. It is just becoming a way of life.

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 iqgod 
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GaryD View Post

I just keep working through it as detached as I can be, focusing on just digesting the results and learning from them.

...

And another thing I know, is that my motivation to do the same in CL is related to money, and somehow that is enough to reverse the outcome.

On the bright side, I have seen this before and prepared myself this year. And, regardless of any trade results, I am happier and more energetic than I have been in several years, my relationship with friends and family is far better, I have several new outside interests and hobbies, I talk with my wife and friends with incredible honesty about my trading.

.

Bravo!

I am extremely happy for you Gary. I wish you continued success and a long peaceful trading journey ahead.

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 GaryD 
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I explained, in as few words as possible, for me, where my head was this year. "Know your domain", was the reply I got. I said, "I was too quick to want to move into yours!". LOL

But, I understand, and I had tossed away mine in pursuit of a deeper knowing. And then brought it back, only to be looking at way too many "trends" to do any good.
......................................................................................

This was something I have been meaning to post for awhile, a quote from @BTR411

"I found that a lot of stuff back then I continued to do simply b/c it was sort of "grandfathered in".....well I have always looked at weekly charts, so I will continue to do so type of mindset. The Truth I realized was that many of these things were not only not helping my trading, but if anything, they were hurting it at times. Pure reason and logic alone dictated that for my type of trading a good portion of what I was doing was unnecessary and/or counterproductive....."

He hit me square in the weak spot, whether realizing it at the time or not. I know I did not immediately realize it.

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 GaryD 
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iqgod View Post
The water-cooler, you said?

.... in a non-descript corporate office where the whiners gather for gossip and grumbling?

Such a place has no existence in Gary's setup; he has found himself, found what he loves to do and knows what he is good at. And he is cultivating his strengths, from a place of peace.

Metaphors apart, he has cabled it neatly, I must say!


I also color-coordinated it with my room, but my wife said that just sounds gay and advises not to post here. I did not do it intentionally, I just realized it after I was done. My charts are in the exact same color scheme. It must just be where my focus is right now; settling into my domain. I have not been "settled" for , well, maybe never.

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 GaryD 
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Accidental that the colors turned out the same inside the computer.






The comment about "domain" is something that I think I was already working into without realizing it.

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 GaryD 
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I left the front area of the computer wide open for future deposits.


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 GaryD 
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exponentially spiraling down the rabbit hole.... g-force is more than expected, but not a bad thing.

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 GaryD 
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May 2014, I am in year one of full time, and my CL trading is hideous. And I am ok with it. That is something I needed on many layers...

I adopted a new way of viewing the market this year, and decided to ride it out. And ride I have.

And as I walk outside recently, I breathe the air different. As I feel where my mind is, it is in a better place than I have known in a long time.

I traded the Euro-AUD in the asian open following fomc, and the first 6-10 trades got stopped out. I was trading .01 lots, it was meant to be a mind relaxer. And somewhere in the however many trades I took from 6:30pm until 1am, I reversed the cycle of wins and losses. It just became a "feel" of the market.

I had the same indicators, but saw them different, and an hour into it I had turned it around entirely. I lost $7 net, but the P&L was not even being watched. The ability to just "go with it" was amazing as I got to the end. I made my last few trades lying on the trade couch. And then fell asleep in the runner.

My new business office is completed. Very separated from other things, but it has it's own layer of connection. I am very satisfied with the new computer build. Started working on getting my friend's boat to run...

My test of my wiring this year has shown me something that I cannot describe. I try to with my wife, but that is where I realize it is just not happening. I talk with other traders about it, and very few understand. And the ones that do , only do so in their own way. Ultimately, I am alone in the market, even with great company.

There is something happening I cannot explain. I have a lot of flashes of thoughts that I could use to fill in the void, but I am seeing that trying to explain is not the point.

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 GaryD 
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Complaint: "I do not like this type of market"

Answer: "That is not your choice"


"Liking" (or not liking) a market type infers a method that is not as accurate as just following price action and order flow. In the correct way of thinking, there is nothing to like or dislike. Opinion does not exist.


1) "What is it doing?"
2) "Where?"

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 Scalpingtrader 
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GaryD View Post
Complaint: "I do not like this type of market"

Answer: "That is not your choice"


"Liking" (or not liking) a market type infers a method that is not as accurate as just following price action and order flow. In the correct way of thinking, there is nothing to like or dislike. Opinion does not exist.


1) "What is it doing?"
2) "Where?"

Not linking a market to ne always Sounds like "I dont know how to handle this type of market as I don't have a strategy for it..."

There is multiple ways to respond to that. However, simply not liking it is none.

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 GaryD 
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what if "balance" meant, back to flat? I think it does.

This year has been interesting, reshaping some thinking with absolute conviction. And having nothing to base that direction on except a glimpse of reality. And even that is only real if I accept it.



But, inside, there is nothing that feels afraid. The more I am humbled, the more reassured I become. Nearly impossible to explain, as if it mattered to anyone but me.

Balance is perpetually elusive, and yet somehow we manage to do it without thought. That zone of knowing something without any thinking about it, something that just happens in the background. It develops out of necessity and persistence.

I abandoned most of what I knew at the beginning of this year, like a swan dive into the unknown. It has had it's moments of fear, maybe jumper remorse... but never regret. I had the advantage of having been here once before, and this time had some different things in place, some deeper understanding of what I was about to do.

Last year some birds built a nest in the fireplace, and as the bay birds started to test their abilities, they fell one by one into the living room. This year, same thing, and today was the first bird falling. Piglet chased it to my desk, and I had to stop in the middle of a trade setup to keep my desk from being destroyed by a dog that is stronger than it realizes, to save a bird that is just seeing the real world for the first time. I caught it in a towel and let igt go out on the porch, and it flew straight across the lake as if it had no other choice. Being chased by a pitbull on "day one" has that effect...

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 GaryD 
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I made a guess of the low of week yesterday, but the market just went no overhead to the downside. Price is currently highly rotational in a bracket between 98.50ish and that NPOC at 100.62.


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 GaryD 
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I took two trades today. I was trying to buy the open, but I got tired and took a nap on the sofa. When I got up the big upside move was over, and I took a scalp out of a pullback. I was targeting a new buy around an abc completion, but when it got there I took the trade and saw I was wrong fast. Whatever just happened, volatility is high this week. Yee the fuck haw! LOL!


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 Itchymoku 
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For some reason when I go to your thread and only your thread this error message pops up on my computer every few seconds lol



even happens when I open up your thread on a different browser like mozilla and I'm not even logged in.

Strange

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 tturner86 
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Itchymoku View Post
For some reason when I go to your thread and only your thread this error message pops up on my computer every few seconds lol



even happens when I open up your thread on a different browser like mozilla and I'm not even logged in.

Strange

@BigMike. It seems to be trying to pull his image off your hard drive.

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 Big Mike 
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tturner86 View Post
@BigMike. It seems to be trying to pull his image off your hard drive.

Use Chrome.

The error appears to be with your browser trying to create a cache copy of the image, and it can't on your side.

Delete your cache.

Mike

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 Itchymoku 
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my bad, I just found out it's spyware on my side and got rid of it. Nothing to do with this forum. Started happening on other sites too

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 GaryD 
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Itchymoku View Post
For some reason when I go to your thread and only your thread this error message pops up on my computer every few seconds lol



even happens when I open up your thread on a different browser like mozilla and I'm not even logged in.

Strange

It's probably related to the alien abductions

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 Itchymoku 
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It's probably related to the alien abductions

they're trying to communicate to us through price patterns, we just haven't figure it out yet.

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 GaryD 
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London just rotated right back through it's session low, just as the pit did yesterday. Very "whipsaw" price action the last few days.

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 Scalpingtrader 
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Itchymoku View Post
they're trying to communicate to us through price patterns, we just haven't figure it out yet.

you just made my day

reminded me of one of my favourite novels - the swarm by Schätzing (could read that one again..)

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 Itchymoku 
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whooop there it is, hope you made out well

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 GaryD 
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Stop hit as I hit "post" I was done, it had good rr, and so I tightened to where I do not care. A win is a win.







I played it completely different in another account.


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 GaryD 
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I am in an interesting place in year 1.

My trading in most areas is at all time worsts. In the few that they are at all time bests, I am trading as "practice".

My confidence is becoming a two-sided thing. And I am being conscious about respecting the strengths and weaknesses of both. On a "reality" side (as traders might refer to it), my numbers, suck this year. And what happened was a visual change, without a doubt. And that is not to be ignored. Changing ANYTHING visual changes things, in a way. As we assign lines and labels and patterns, we also give them their own identity. In that moment, we have strayed.

The biggest thing I see so far is that when I mention "money", I suck. When I work on "practice", I see things differently than what might even sound reasonable. I converse internally a lot more frequently. I feel as good and mostly better than I have in a long long time. Alive, and discovering the real risks that this means, to trade fulltime, as my reality.

Primal is a part, and as anti-social as that may sound, it becomes necessity in a world of "reality". The world that I have decided to dive into headfirst as of this year. Closed a net $200k/year business to do it. And as of tonight, not my best trading ever...

And the weird part is, even as I type that I started to smile, or even laugh. There was a post today on Facebook where someone said something about , laughing out of context. And viewed as some level of "insanity", or as I aka, "outside the box".

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 GaryD 
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But, simultaneously, I am negotiating contract potential with two entities about my involvement as qualifier in construction and/or development business. I am drinking more water per day than is even possible, due to restroom break time constraints, in a corporate environment, and I feel more full of testosterone since when it first faded, and was noticeable.

My decision to become a full time trader was about a full leap of faith. More "knowledge" than most, read however many books, finally thought, ricochet. Fuck "knowledge". We lost an ability somewhere along the way of progress. And as cycles go, and they always will, the most forgotten ability that is a casualty of "convenience" may have lost it's place in "reality", but not in the real world.

History says evolution wipes out the weaker genes. So does trading.

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 GaryD 
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HFT in a nutshell

Ultra-fast, the robotic arm can catch objects on the fly - YouTube

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 GaryD 
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For whatever reason, I just went short at a long setup. I recognized it pretty much immediately, do not really recall the time from recognition to closing the trade.

I am working on responding to situations with no thought, and something impulsive (related to fear of missing a move or at least similar to that), caused me to pull the trigger, instinctively in the wrong trade direction.

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 Itchymoku 
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GaryD View Post
I am in an interesting place in year 1 ,..., my numbers, suck this year.

As long as you have come out positive you're doing great especially considering this is your first year. Most people think coming out with a gain in the first year is close to impossible. Most veteran traders on the forum would say if you can maintain break-even status the first year trading regularly you're way ahead of the majority and will most likely do better and better in subsequent years. there comes a point where you have to give yourself a break and congratulate your effort for putting the courage in to making the transition.

R.I.P. Joseph Bach (Itchymoku), 1987-2018.
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 iqgod 
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For whatever reason, I just went short at a long setup. I recognized it pretty much immediately, do not really recall the time from recognition to closing the trade.

I am working on responding to situations with no thought, and something impulsive (related to fear of missing a move or at least similar to that), caused me to pull the trigger, instinctively in the wrong trade direction.

I struggle with this MOST. I however find good progress happens in baby steps, when I am mindful.

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 GaryD 
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Itchymoku View Post
As long as you have come out positive you're doing great especially considering this is your first year. Most people think coming out with a gain in the first year is close to impossible. Most veteran traders on the forum would say if you can maintain break-even status the first year trading regularly you're way ahead of the majority and will most likely do better and better in subsequent years. there comes a point where you have to give yourself a break and congratulate your effort for putting the courage in to making the transition.

A positive year end is really not even my top priority. This is technically year 6 coming to an end, year "one" for when I closed my company to do this.

I am working on some things I know are keeping me from trading the way I have always wanted to. For me, some of that includes pushing some of my own buttons, dealing with some of my own issues sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. If I get through this year by doing nothing but completing the exorcism...

I am happy, no worries, no stress, feeling great, laughing daily. Life is good.

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 GaryD 
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I hit a point with my mentor where I was told "trading is not a team sport", or something like that. Said to me in a context that was intended to send me in a direction, or so I believe. It felt mildly confrontational.


And I felt that I got it, and said "OK, I'll be back". And I left. Knowing that I owe more to that person that to anyone else when it comes to trading, and that is even as I know I cannot show why in numbers as of today.

There is a mindset that melds with experience. And that specific balance point is where I have set course to. Money is becoming irrelevant. As it should be. And in that, perception is taking a very abrupt turn.

"Thinking" has been a four-letter word for almost a year. And I may be seeing why. The more obvious is that I am feeling it.

I posted something to facebook recently about how others might interpret sanity vs understanding, posted with sarcasm as that is what I find funny. But in that I also saw something that continues to pull on me as if gravity.

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 GaryD 
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@mattz can attest to my level of insanity though... LOLOL!!!

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 GaryD 
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But, I have my course.

I have found myself testing almost every "limit", in one way or another. Like a true and complete reversal back into a mentality where everything is ok and nothing is known, analogous to the first time experience of "being thrown from the nest", or any expansion of independence...

And, many times more intense, my wife is adopting my theory. Almost as if recognizing each other from some time previous. An out-of-balance, to one extreme or the other, of seeing each other.

And I always heard trading there is the whole point?

I just asked her, as we were in passing, "sex in the kitchen?", she said, "ok". And we both laughed, and agreed it was a great way to think but not a necessity. But I am going back to that now, as I feel silly talking about it. Smoke em if you got em kind of feeling

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 GaryD 
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 GaryD 
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Here it is... 3628 actually. but close enough

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 GaryD 
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Fear in trading can only be experienced when one pretends they are not in control.

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@mattz can attest to my level of insanity though... LOLOL!!!

I think you are a pretty decent and good guy to work with.

Matt

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 GaryD 
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mattz View Post
I think you are a pretty decent and good guy to work with.

Matt

I feel the same way about you. TGIF

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 GaryD 
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It's been a LONG time since I started this journal.

By requiring myself to interact with a tolerable dose of the outside world, sterilzed somewhat via the internet, I learned to communicate better, I was able to see myself from the outside. Then feeling somewhat praised for “writing” and not “trading”, it became it's own addiction.

I have felt proud of it and ashamed of it, sometimes both in the same day.

It was a necessary experience for me, for whatever reason. A documented portion of my life, but not the best part of it. That comes when I stop talking about it and start living it.

The End



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 GaryD 
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@Big Mike, please close this thread. Thanks.

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 Itchymoku 
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As this thread ends I hope to at least see the TRADEPORN thread increase with your trading pics

R.I.P. Joseph Bach (Itchymoku), 1987-2018.
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