May 2014, I am in year one of full time, and my CL trading is hideous. And I am ok with it. That is something I needed on many layers...
I adopted a new way of viewing the market this year, and decided to ride it out. And ride I have.
And as I walk outside recently, I breathe the air different. As I feel where my mind is, it is in a better place than I have known in a long time.
I traded the Euro-AUD in the asian open following fomc, and the first 6-10 trades got stopped out. I was trading .01 lots, it was meant to be a mind relaxer. And somewhere in the however many trades I took from 6:30pm until 1am, I reversed the cycle of wins and losses. It just became a "feel" of the market.
I had the same indicators, but saw them different, and an hour into it I had turned it around entirely. I lost $7 net, but the P&L was not even being watched. The ability to just "go with it" was amazing as I got to the end. I made my last few trades lying on the trade couch. And then fell asleep in the runner.
My new business office is completed. Very separated from other things, but it has it's own layer of connection. I am very satisfied with the new computer build. Started working on getting my friend's boat to run...
My test of my wiring this year has shown me something that I cannot describe. I try to with my wife, but that is where I realize it is just not happening. I talk with other traders about it, and very few understand. And the ones that do , only do so in their own way. Ultimately, I am alone in the market, even with great company.
There is something happening I cannot explain. I have a lot of flashes of thoughts that I could use to fill in the void, but I am seeing that trying to explain is not the point.
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"Liking" (or not liking) a market type infers a method that is not as accurate as just following price action and order flow. In the correct way of thinking, there is nothing to like or dislike. Opinion does not exist.
1) "What is it doing?"
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what if "balance" meant, back to flat? I think it does.
This year has been interesting, reshaping some thinking with absolute conviction. And having nothing to base that direction on except a glimpse of reality. And even that is only real if I accept it.
But, inside, there is nothing that feels afraid. The more I am humbled, the more reassured I become. Nearly impossible to explain, as if it mattered to anyone but me.
Balance is perpetually elusive, and yet somehow we manage to do it without thought. That zone of knowing something without any thinking about it, something that just happens in the background. It develops out of necessity and persistence.
I abandoned most of what I knew at the beginning of this year, like a swan dive into the unknown. It has had it's moments of fear, maybe jumper remorse... but never regret. I had the advantage of having been here once before, and this time had some different things in place, some deeper understanding of what I was about to do.
Last year some birds built a nest in the fireplace, and as the bay birds started to test their abilities, they fell one by one into the living room. This year, same thing, and today was the first bird falling. Piglet chased it to my desk, and I had to stop in the middle of a trade setup to keep my desk from being destroyed by a dog that is stronger than it realizes, to save a bird that is just seeing the real world for the first time. I caught it in a towel and let igt go out on the porch, and it flew straight across the lake as if it had no other choice. Being chased by a pitbull on "day one" has that effect...
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I took two trades today. I was trying to buy the open, but I got tired and took a nap on the sofa. When I got up the big upside move was over, and I took a scalp out of a pullback. I was targeting a new buy around an abc completion, but when it got there I took the trade and saw I was wrong fast. Whatever just happened, volatility is high this week. Yee the fuck haw! LOL!
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