Built my black box today. Started around 8am, was not ready to install the OS until maybe 6 hours later.
I built it with a lot of thought and care. Routed and then re-routed the cables, initially because the cable routing behind the frame was very tight, but as the wires kept coming, I realized "art" was from necessity.
I came at this year with a feeling of exuberance. I was "free". I was "capable" of doing something impossible...
Time to celebrate! But, because I was coming out of a imte where I had lost freedom, for several years, my celebration became an extended holiday.
And I saw this the last time I was heading off into full time land. And I did not escape that time.
Tonight, after spending from 8am until 10pm putting this new rig together, and still cannot get onto the fucking internet, I am happy that I decided to do this this time. I knew what I would do. I see that I am on the edges of extreme in social context. It has felt like an embarrassment most of my life. But in the cycle, that rotation, bound at the center, there is still room for movement in any direction, as far as seems impossible.
I felt that in more detail as I built that machine. I felt excited. I enjoy being in a cycle. And that is exactly what trading is.
I said to Melissa rently,, "What if I don't make it?", and she just said, "what if I get that job in Clearwater?"
The point not being, admitting any level of defeat. I have rationed well. It is just that, Q2 2014, vacation is over.
Last edited by GaryD; April 5th, 2014 at 10:09 PM.
Im very new here,i start trading few months ago,im still struggling(only losses)
i spend all the week-end reading your journal,very well organized and very informatif.
What is your advice to a new struggling trader since you have many years n experience?
sorry for my english
i hope you a good day
I've had people ask me "what if you don't make it?" and I answer them "I'll still try in some fashion or another". After making money and knowing it's possible it'll always be in the back of my head to take it to it's furthest. Failure isn't an option. I read this in an article on yahoo -
Myth: Millionaires are just lucky
“One of the great quotes that I love is 'the harder you work the luckier you get.' And time and time again I have seen them be so full of hard work. One of the people I interviewed -- his name was Bobby Casey -- he had a company that built bicycles for Walmart. He went to 60 Walmarts before one of them would accept his company, and I asked him, 'what if you only went to 59 and quit?' And he was like, 'well I would have kept going until I hit 300 stores. I never would have quit.'”
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I am prone to extreme sarcasm. Even though, there is truth to what I said. Trading is not for everyone, it is not easy, and it nearly requires a doctorate in trading and in psychology, AND, the ability to apply that consistently day in and day out.
Meanwhile, markets shift their behavior's over time, and so it is also a constant pursuit of maintaining balance. I am not sur eif it is in here yet, but I found some quote recently about (close enough) "Traders need to be rigid in their approach and flexible in their expectations..." and without completely wrecking the quote, it just goes on to say most of the world is wired to do just the opposite.
I have read a library of books about trading. Wave struture, trend following, market profile, volume analysis, risk versus reward, specific entry and exit techniques, trader psychology. I have applied a lot of different methods from all of that, had them work for awhile, not work (and/or I was not able to follow through on the drawdowns).
I have spent the last couple years digging into my mind, understanding everything I do, and why. A weird example is, I know that there is a desire in me to be an incredible trader, not just good, I mean out of this world good. The why is related to my ego, my personality, my obsessive nature. I know that while I am anti-violent (29 year vegetarian, never fight, raise stray animals as a lifestyle), I have a fighter inside that comes out in my work. That approach works good in a lot of industries, not as much in trading. ("... flexible in their expectations").
So, after all of that, I figured out what I would and would not allow myself to do, how much money I was willing to sacrifice to understand something more. The remainder of this year will tell if I have succeeded in my approach or not. To me, it finally comes down to how trading works for you as an individual, there is not one way. But, things like position sizing, experience, risk to reward, all of that can add an edge.
To boil trading down to it's simplest terms, price revolves around a mean. The mean is only seen in hindsight, but it can be statistically proven that price always comes back to that mean, as long as the mean is defined as a moving target. Price either moves away from it, or back to it. There are always multiple means, as it does the same thing on a large scale and a small scale. To get the best edge, you become aware of where that mean is over a blend of views. You manage your risk as you decide where to get in and out.
This year to date, I am not really the guy to ask. I pushed myself through a lot of self issues, which I referred to as stretching, and then analyzed myself before, during, and after. It was meant to go on for 2 months, I "stretched it" into the 3rd. But, I planned for it, I chose it, and I believe I am on the right path. Check back with me at the end of this year and I'll tell you if I really do know anything.
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I was drawn to crude because it can have these crazy extended moves. A market like ES is more back and fill. But CL is a beast of a market, leaves a trail of blood wherever it goes. I have studied it for close to 5 years as my market, and that allows me to stay alive in it, but there are easier ways to trade. My win/loss % and my account balance are much better this year in forex than in crude. The reason being, in forex I can scale out to .01 of a contract, which in itself is an edge, and the dollar size of the move is small enough that I really lose interest after awhile and let the trade just do it's thing. lastly, I have no history in forex, I do not understand what would make one currency move against the other enough to have any real opinion. So I am forced to rely on basic information, without any prejudices.
I had a week recently where I did not have a winning day in cl, and won in every forex pair I traded. That is bias, thinking about it too much, ego says I know something that really I do not.
"I am "passionate". Period. I play(ed) guitar that way, I run(ran) businesses that way. And I trade that way.
But as of today, something in that chemistry does not apply as well to trading as to anything else. So, as I dial that layer in, I play a lot of disc golf, but apply the psychology. I decided to build my own computer, and apply the same psychology. They are more similar than it may sound."