Wow if that article, If you only read some parts you would have thought it was trading being talked about. That is an apt illustration of what it means to trade. I especially liked the part that pointed to varying length in learning curve.
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ďAnd once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You wonít even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē ― Haruki Murakami
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I saw "the demon", as my friend @Deucalion recently referred to it, once this year.
That was the first time since that time that shall never be spoken of... lol! Not really, I feel nothing today when I look back at something that I had swept out of my memory for over a year.
What I did this time, was I enjoyed being in that space, because I was able to look at it with a clear head. I was down roughly $6900 on the day, and then went out and played disc golf, just the same as I do on winning days. And I thought about how it happened, where it comes from, what drives it, what value it has. And was able to understand it far more than I ever did.
I decided it did not feel like "happy", and that I prefer happy. A conscience preference of something other than that demon.
So I continued to "stretch" right into the last week of the last month, but decided a few days in advance that I have stretched enough. Let the 2014 games begin.
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And I just grasped a little better what I mean by "stretching".
How do you become not afraid of something that you are afraid of?
You push yourself into it, and it it not comfortable.
You have to become numb to losing money, so that fear does not have hold of you. While still maintaining a passion for the game and winning it.
I started my trading this morning at around 4:30am. When my wife woke up I could not even tell her what we were in, but it was something. lol! USDCHF, trading cheese. Then this morning traded the same cheese in reverse in 6S. Then CL for the open, then on to TF and ES I hate to admit... love it.
Last edited by GaryD; February 28th, 2014 at 10:34 AM.
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That thought started to solidify to me this week. YEARS in the making.
I started my day so early it sounds painful. And traded spot forex like a fucking pawn. BUT, then I was in the game, but not with much liability due to the scalability of forex.. but was full of game as the arena turned to NY...
Bam, bam, bam, bam.... 4 fucking markets, like a fucking ninja. $2k in an hour, maybe? I did not ever look at a clock.
And then, tired, over it for the week... there was so much more available, in $s, but I had nothing in me that cared.
It is Friday, I played well, and i wanted Shoe Goo, and a new dog collar, and maybe a new driver for disc golf. And , sex with my wife. That sounds like weekend plans if I ever heard them.
I am falling into something that I thought , wrongly, did not exist. But as I see that it does, fkmal
Not that I want to harm anyone. Just that, it is a requirement? To trade, anyway. And that is all that this is about. A trading journal.
And, I should not say it, but a damn fine one.
Last edited by GaryD; February 28th, 2014 at 11:35 PM.
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I appreciate your brutal honesty, and I see how over time it makes you stronger. That's what a journal is all about. I like how you can harness your eccentric energy yet be disciplined enough to know where you want to go and how to get there. Losing over 6k in general is a tough pill to swallow, but making 2k back in a day is a nice refreshment. Being aware, living, and dealing with losses and how to bounce back is probably the most important factor that I find in a trader because everything else, more or less, handles itself. I have found that simply being aware of problems helps because it allows one's self to cease opportunities to solve them when they do arise, kind of like the rule of attraction. I love this journal because of the psychological element, it allows me to get into the head space of a trader unabridged.
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