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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets


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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

  #4341 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


Rad4633 View Post
@GaryD

if I may ask when you increased your size how where you showing your PnL? in ticks or $$$, I glanced back in your journal but did not find the answer to my question

Ticks while in the trade, dollars when flat.

It really is not a sizing isue that got me. It is an internal issue. I got trigger happy out of nowhere.

Started this thread

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  #4342 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011

5 trades; 3 wins, one BE, 1 tiny loss.

Spent so much effort on myself today I am tired just from that. Trying to really get into myself, question every motive.

Started this thread
  #4343 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


In a long discussion yesterday by telephone with @Surly, something came up that I had not thought of before. I am too tired mentally to get into it now, but just using this post as a placeholder. It has to do with instinctual wiring, and how it is backwards for trading.

Started this thread
  #4344 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011

Watched the market from 8am until 12:30pm, then done. Came back at 4pm to see what happened at the close, then shut down NT.

Started this thread
  #4345 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011

6:30pm. The tension I have is incredible.

I wonder if I ever have been this aware of it? How often am I aware of it? My thoughts came to rest on those questions at some odd moment in self-thought. The tension I was feeling. Like a rigid board. My neck, shoulders, back, stomach...

And it occurred to me that might be how I normally feel? Normally?

I dropped my shoulders some. Lower. Loose. Interesting that it required to occur in steps...Rolled my head from side to side, allowing it to stretch out the muscles as it did.

I am saying that I live tense, and that I just tonight saw it a little closer.

The easy thought; make a regular schedule for a massage. But that would become just another appointment, another thing to fit in. What I need is more space, between the fibers of my being.

Where does tension, stress originate from?

Analytical behavior was my number one thought, but I almost instantly understood that just feeds some energy somewhere else. Analytical is not the cause of tension.

Fear of being wrong might be. But fear of what exactly? What happens if I am wrong? Not death. Not imprisonment. Losing money maybe. As one who went through a bankruptcy, I know a lot of ways to feel about losing money.

But fear of being wrong is not the origin of tension either.

This feeling I have, this body posture existed years ago, probably the majority of my career. And it was useful for the goal I wanted to achieve. And I need to find a way to get my body to relax when I am not thinking about it.

Stress starts with a deadline, I believe that much.

Started this thread
  #4346 (permalink)
 
VinceVirgil's Avatar
 VinceVirgil 
Toronto, Canada
 
Experience: Advanced
Platform: NT
Broker: TD Ameritrade, Dorman/Zenfire
Trading: CL,ES
Posts: 1,752 since Aug 2011
Thanks Given: 2,144
Thanks Received: 9,223


GaryD View Post
6:30pm. The tension I have is incredible.

I wonder if I ever have been this aware of it? How often am I aware of it? My thoughts came to rest on those questions at some odd moment in self-thought. The tension I was feeling. Like a rigid board. My neck, shoulders, back, stomach...

And it occurred to me that might be how I normally feel? Normally?

I dropped my shoulders some. Lower. Loose. Interesting that it required to occur in steps...Rolled my head from side to side, allowing it to stretch out the muscles as it did.

I am saying that I live tense, and that I just tonight saw it a little closer.

The easy thought; make a regular schedule for a massage. But that would become just another appointment, another thing to fit in. What I need is more space, between the fibers of my being.

Where does tension, stress originate from?

Analytical behavior was my number one thought, but I almost instantly understood that just feeds some energy somewhere else. Analytical is not the cause of tension.

Fear of being wrong might be. But fear of what exactly? What happens if I am wrong? Not death. Not imprisonment. Losing money maybe. As one who went through a bankruptcy, I know a lot of ways to feel about losing money.

But fear of being wrong is not the origin of tension either.

This feeling I have, this body posture existed years ago, probably the majority of my career. And it was useful for the goal I wanted to achieve. And I need to find a way to get my body to relax when I am not thinking about it.

Stress starts with a deadline, I believe that much.

Here is a radio interview with a doctor talking about anxiety disorders and how prevalent they are. It from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.

https://www.cbc.ca/player/Radio/Local+Shows/ID/2283479075/?page=5

What is interesting is that they are treatable.

Maybe it will give you something to think about. I found it pretty interesting.

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  #4347 (permalink)
 zt379 
UK London
Market Wizard
 
Platform: NT
Posts: 2,067 since Sep 2009
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GaryD View Post
6:30pm. The tension I have is incredible.

I wonder if I ever have been this aware of it? How often am I aware of it? My thoughts came to rest on those questions at some odd moment in self-thought. The tension I was feeling. Like a rigid board. My neck, shoulders, back, stomach...

And it occurred to me that might be how I normally feel? Normally?

I dropped my shoulders some. Lower. Loose. Interesting that it required to occur in steps...Rolled my head from side to side, allowing it to stretch out the muscles as it did.

I am saying that I live tense, and that I just tonight saw it a little closer.

The easy thought; make a regular schedule for a massage. But that would become just another appointment, another thing to fit in. What I need is more space, between the fibers of my being.

Where does tension, stress originate from?

Analytical behavior was my number one thought, but I almost instantly understood that just feeds some energy somewhere else. Analytical is not the cause of tension.

Fear of being wrong might be. But fear of what exactly? What happens if I am wrong? Not death. Not imprisonment. Losing money maybe. As one who went through a bankruptcy, I know a lot of ways to feel about losing money.

But fear of being wrong is not the origin of tension either.

This feeling I have, this body posture existed years ago, probably the majority of my career. And it was useful for the goal I wanted to achieve. And I need to find a way to get my body to relax when I am not thinking about it.

Stress starts with a deadline, I believe that much.


How would you be if in this very moment, with total and complete sincerity you knew, (which is beyond feeling it or believing it or thinking it) that you had , now and in every living moment from here on, everything you need, desire, wish or hoped for?
To be clear of what I'm saying, that you actually had everything now within your being.

This is not about owning stuff or any particular thing, it's not about what you want or had...non of that... but about a knowing that you have, now, everything you need...
[@GaryD an additional line to my original post] in that "need" is replaced by "require", and want is replaced by "aquire", such that we can then experience and create in the sense of experiencing love and life and create our intensions from the knowledge that we have, already, now, everything we require from which we can aquire our intensions..

How would that be (feel like) for you ?

Perhaps a question to ponder.
no rsvp necessary if you prefer.
I don't want or intend to interfere with your thought process here Gary.
I feel your strength. I mean that sincerely.
Something has indeed shifted within you (if it's not an intrusion to say so) and for the better imo..

best wishes

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  #4348 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


VinceVirgil View Post
Here is a radio interview with a doctor talking about anxiety disorders and how prevalent they are. It from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.

https://www.cbc.ca/player/Radio/Local+Shows/ID/2283479075/?page=5

What is interesting is that they are treatable.

Maybe it will give you something to think about. I found it pretty interesting.


Listening to it now. Thanks.

Started this thread
  #4349 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


zt379 View Post
How would you be if in this very moment, with total and complete sincerity you knew, (which is beyong feeling it or believing it or thinking it) that you had , now and in every living moment from here on, everything you need, desire, wish or hoped for?
To be clear of what I'm saying, that you actually had everything now within your being.
This is not about owning stuff or any particular thing, it's not about what you want or had...non of that... but about a knowing that you have, now, everything you need...

How would that be (feel like) for you ?

Perhaps a question to ponder.
no rsvp necessary if you prefer.
I don't want or intend to interfere with your thought process here Gary.
I feel your strength. I mean that sincerely.
Something has indeed shifted within you (if it's not an intrusion to say so) and for the better imo..

best wishes



It is not a question that requires an answer, is the first real direction I had. Not meaning not deserving, but the question is the answer.

I set a "permalink". That is tough to answer with any conviction at first. I'll see if I develop some.

Started this thread
  #4350 (permalink)
 
GaryD's Avatar
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


Military School. It was not an everyday topic, but my parents brought it up more than once as I grew up. never went. They used it as a threat, to redirect my behavior. No different than any other tactic a parent might use, better than many. But what they wanted me to establish was boundaries and discipline.

Started this thread

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Last Updated on May 23, 2014


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