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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets
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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

  #4321 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
I don't have an answer right now Mike. The fact that I was able to lose conrol of my own trading recently has caused a major disturbance in me. I thought I trusted myself. I thought I knew myself.

Hey Gary...do you not see this


GaryD View Post
"The fact that I was able to lose control of my own trading recently has caused a major disturbance".

a sign of just overconfidence and a warning to keep on your TOEs

Was you on a "Winners High"......?

I still get glitches its just recognizing and protecting your account and learning to re correct this bad behavior

" I will follow my rules, I will take my stops, I will be disciplined and i will work with the market....NOT AGAINST IT! Professional mind control is the key"
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  #4322 (permalink)
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greenr View Post
Hey Gary...do you not see this



a sign of just overconfidence and a warning to keep on your TOEs

Was you on a "Winners High"......?

I still get glitches its just recognizing and protecting your account and learning to re correct this bad behavior



My problem is, I really can't say what caused it. I was risk averse for a long time, trading well, managing my account well, then one day I decided the market was going to run up, it didn't, I added in, it fell more, I dumped it, it started up, I went in again... Heavy still, feeling the curse of needing to maintain the same size to make it back...

Just a horrible trading experience for me after feeling like I was years away from doing somewthing that stupid. And the blow I have taken psychologically has been far more than I imagined it would be. Like I shattered a lot of beliefs in one day. I cannot believe myself. What the fuck happened?

Still very shaken, still very unsure, it was enough of a shock I went back to my doctor to confess my loss of control, feelings of regret, issues with still dealing with past losses. He put me on 3 separate perscriptions. That made me feel even more unsure about my mental state, motivations, discipline, etc.

I am going to watch my trades fror the next few weeks and make a decision to either shake it off and continue wiser, or step away entirely. I hate to consider it that way, but if my mind is not ritgh I will never get beyond this, in which case I am better off getting out.

Just a very low experience for me. I have lost weight, not slept, paced the house, not gone to the gym... I felt like I broke every rule I had, as if I were not even there for that day. Shameful. Infuriating. And possibly destroyed my hopes of mastering the psychology required to become a full time trader.

I don't know man, I knew moving back into this house had some bad energy to it. I had avoided this entire part of town for several years. But that may also just be an excuse. I think I may always be a little angry deep inside of having lost everything we had once, and wanting it back. Wanting to go back in time and do things differently.

I know that is silly. I have felt so far above that so many times. But today I just feel lousy, broken.

 
  #4323 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
The fact that I was able to lose conrol of my own trading recently has caused a major disturbance in me..

Can you give me a post #? I must have missed this post and not sure where it is.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
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3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
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6)
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  #4324 (permalink)
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Mike ... #4320


GaryD View Post
My problem is, I really can't say what caused it. I was risk averse for a long time, trading well, managing my account well, then one day I decided the market was going to run up, it didn't, I added in, it fell more, I dumped it, it started up, I went in again... Heavy still, feeling the curse of needing to maintain the same size to make it back...

Gary,

Do you have a written/mental daily loss limit?
Or did you just consciously over ride it on this occasion?

sleepy

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  #4325 (permalink)
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sleepy View Post
Mike ... #4320

I don't think so, or am confused.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

The following user says Thank You to Big Mike for this post:
 
  #4326 (permalink)
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@Big Mike I' d say that Post No. #4311 is the one...

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  #4327 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
I went back on the medications becasue I took a hard hit a few weeks ago. After years of succesful trading and risk management, who knows why, I found myself in a trade that went against me, after I was up a few grand, and the next thing I knew I had averaged down way too heavy, and was losing. I wiped out all of my wins for the past year in about 5 minutes.

OK I think this is the above post being talked about, I see it now.

@GaryD, I know I sent you a PM, but I would like to publicly re-emphasize that you need some time off to re-evaluate and collect your thoughts, make sure you are moving forward and not in a circle. Take a month or two off from trading to clear your head.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

The following user says Thank You to Big Mike for this post:
 
  #4328 (permalink)
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Big Mike View Post
OK I think this is the above post being talked about, I see it now.

@GaryD, I know I sent you a PM, but I would like to publicly re-emphasize that you need some time off to re-evaluate and collect your thoughts, make sure you are moving forward and not in a circle. Take a month or two off from trading to clear your head.

Mike


You're right Mike. I don't know what to do about it. I was doing so well. I saw the pressure increase around the time someone on this thread said I should consider increasing size. I know it was my choice, but it started this push into trying to break through barriers. I guess I did, but in the wrong direction.

I was up every day for a couple weeks, took a few great trades that day, then had one turn on me and out of nowhere, went in from 1 to 5 to get back to even. Lost. Then 15. Then 25. It was horrible, and I still have no idea what got ahold of me in those few moments. It was like I stopped thinking, like I was not even there.

And then I just sat there and stared at what I had done. For hours, alone in my office, wishing I could rewind.

How could I destroy years of work in a short afternoon? I feel sick. To have put so many years into this, so much hard work, so much into the psychological pursuit, and then fall apart.

I still have more than enough in my account to trade, but I have been tempted to close my account altogether. This slip was major to me psychologically. I really wish there was someone "live" I could talk to.

I appreciate all that futures.io (formerly BMT) offers. I felt I found a place where I belonged.

Today I feel like an outcast, a failure, my own enemy. Horrible.

Thanks to everyone. Very sorry about the failure.

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  #4329 (permalink)
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  #4330 (permalink)
Site Administrator
Manta, Ecuador
 
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GaryD View Post

Feels good to get it out...

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

The following 2 users say Thank You to Big Mike for this post:

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