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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets
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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

  #4291 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
I need someone to sit and trade with. Make it less serious. You're on my list

Trading is serious enough on its own, no sense in making it any worse than it has to be.......

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, Leonardo da Vinci


Most people chose unhappiness over uncertainty, Tim Ferris
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  #4292 (permalink)
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zt379 View Post
In trying to see in amongst this tangled web I can't help thinking that you aren't actually trading to become a better trader.

Some time ago I mentioned that your motivation is in conflict with your desired outcome and the film clip about having “the wrong dream” was my lame attempt to say the same.

Imo for as long as you are trading for the wrong reason then this conflict will always be present.
Namely that to use trading and the money it creates to change the past, or rather, to change how your feel about

I was at some point, but you may be right, maybe not now. My technical analysis is beter every day, my readin of the market the past few days alomst as if in slow motion. But my ability to feel secure in my decision still suffers, I know, "discipline", but I think I confuse that with something else.

The wrong dream was deadly accurate, but Im not sure about what. How is that for conflict?

Correct, I am not free of my past. Live in the home that I dreamed of and made a reality, but today it is nothing more than a physical manifestation of where I was in life, not where I am. My problem is comparison. And I do not know how to stop it. This has to sound horrible, but the majority of days, maybe 5 a week, I awaken, roll out of bed, and the first word that echos in my head is "fuck". Not the poster child for moving on




zt379 View Post
It might seem odd but all that emotional upheaval ends up being the source of understanding.
It's those very experiences that give us perspective. Sure we might prefer not to have had them.
But at the end of the day, you are here trading because of those experiences and these will be perspectives to relate to with each new plateau we reach in trading. Imo.

I agree with that, but do not like it. I am trading because of experiences where I needed something to believe in, and could find little else. My equity was imploding, my cash draining, my business gone, my credit destroyed, and I saw becoming a trader as a way to take back my independence, and my money, in an environment that seemed like there was nothing else at the time.

Today I have a lot of work again. None at all in my hometown, but if I can stomach the airports and motels, I get paid fairly well,





zt379 View Post
I'm not sure what it is you think you want or expect to feel ?

I would suggest that not until you are clear within yourself as to why you are trading, will much of a solution be found.

I'm not sure either M, I just know that I don't feel it. I was alive, energetic, motivated, always moving forward, and it felt good. Now I am scared, risk averse, not enjoying what I do for a living, have thousands of hours into becoming a trader but not possessing the exact psychology to do much about it. Frustrating.







zt379 View Post

I have been where you are and I have my own equivalent experiences of loss etc..
Quite frankly who gives a damn, I don't, (about mine) of which I am certain.

As sad as it seems, I have enjoyed seeing or hearing similar stories to mine. I was at my doctor's office today, went back on some presrciptions that I had sworn of of. He told me of another client who had invested $17M in a highrise project downtown, lost it all, and now has nothing. 12 years older than me. Pathetic maybe, but I felt better after hearing that.



zt379 View Post

Perhaps in the many wondrous ways that life and serendipidy reveal to us that things aren't always as we think or wish them to be, but that ultimately we are not so naÔve and more aware to see the truth of what they and we are, and to that end everything was actually worth having experienced.

I see some truth to that; in the way I approach others, the level of compassion I have, my conversations with my wife and friends and family. Having to dissect my relationship with money and what it means to me.




zt379 View Post
Such that we come to see the illusions that fear and ego were, once we see them for what they are.


Maybe some day. I believe in that way of thinking, but am still so much more student than master.


If it were possible I'd give you a hug now. You are there for me on a level that I understand from how I was brought up. But to keep things from getting weird, we'll just keep that to ourselves...




Wait, was someone else reading this?


Last edited by GaryD; September 25th, 2012 at 09:19 PM.
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  #4293 (permalink)
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PandaWarrior View Post
Trading is serious enough on its own, no sense in making it any worse than it has to be.......

Today I traded as if on valium. And no, I wasn't. But everything was calm, and copasetic. I just watched, and watched, and took my little piece, no need at all, and the difference in feeling was where I like to be in trading. I took a trade with a 7 tick stop, and nearly knew I was good. Nothing big, net 39, was up 51, back to 20something, then two more tiny moves and done. I waited for moves to happen, and then traded the aftermath. Much easier for me for some reason after the chaos starts than in the silence that preceeds it.

Oh, and I had a breakeven that was 19 in my favor. That is more like I traded a year ago.

And I used a 15m/30m chart a lot today. Something I usually keep, but watch less than everything else.

And, remembering things of significance to me today, I reversed, I was short into the close and saw down was over, reversed for my final 9 ticks.


Last edited by GaryD; September 25th, 2012 at 09:32 PM.
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  #4294 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
The moving averages are set to "flood", but the gradient covers all but that strip. Discovered by accident.

Is it an indicator that can be shared? I'd love to see the code.

 
  #4295 (permalink)
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GaryD View Post
I may already possess the skills of a trader beyond what I allow myself to accept. But I am missing something critical, it is something deep inside, and it has to do with uncertainty. I know uncertainty has it's place. I know to rely on structure. I have a pretty good guess at what will happen many, many times.

And then I am in the trade and it all fades away.

It matters too much to me, possibly. I am still seeking a magic bullet, not for trading, but to correct something that happened over a long period of time. My inability to come to peace with myself, to forgive myself for some things I could have done differently... my fantasy possibly, of getting another chance to go back and maneuver myself through the challenge a second time, is not as strong as last year, or the year before, but still resurfaces often enough that I consider it a normal state of being.

http://zenhabits.net/uncertainty/

sleepy


Last edited by sleepy; September 26th, 2012 at 09:35 AM.
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  #4296 (permalink)
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MWinfrey View Post
Is it an indicator that can be shared? I'd love to see the code.

attached

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Register to download File Type: cs AaMA.cs (19.1 KB, 44 views)
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  #4297 (permalink)
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From the article you shared;

"When the unknown future(s) throws something unexpected your way, you deal with it without fear, without anguish, without anger. You respond instead of reacting, with balance and calmness, and the joy of knowing that all will be fine, and in the process you will have experienced something new and beautiful."

For the past two days that has been my mantra while I am trading. One contract. No add ins. Just as I did some time ago. Net 182 since Monday, only 52.29% wins. Largest wins 49 long, 29 short; largest losses 17 each way.

If I just allow it to be, continue to tighten my stop, do not look at my P&L, ignore money. Try less to interpret what is happening and more to observe.

The "target" thing is better, but tough as an everyday thing. I have a target, and then realize it probably won't make it.

I feel somewhat "broken" as I finally did go back to my doctor and get back on the prescriptions he never wanted me to stop taking in the first place. I felt like such a loser standing in his office, explaining that things were getting much better, but dealing with living in this house, seeing how slow rebuilding feels, watching myself get older, finding more and more friends out of work here in Orlando, getting tired of airports and motels. Not that it is all bad, I am working, I am far ahead of where I was 3 years ago. Comparison is a bitch sometimes.

I want to move past where I am though, and it seems like the medications do help. They remove some of the emotional side, the fears, the concerns. It will be an interesting test to see how I feel over the next month. And equally important, how I trade.


I started losing interest in posting here a few months ago. At one point felt "detached" from futures.io (formerly BMT). I think now it is more I am tired of talking about trading. The less I talk and the more I am quiet, the more I understand.

I titled this thread "Catching Big Waves", and at the time that seemed to be my life's purpose when it came to trading. Major R:R, that was where I wanted to be. And I have gained a lot from that study. But really, "big" waves are better for big players. Understanding key SR level is an incredible edge, even if the expected move does not occur.

Today, for example, when crude got down into support around 89.17-89.48, and then tried to go into the close above that area, odds increased that shorts would want out. After that, who cares if that support zone holds?

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It created enough of a psychological barrier to price movement going into the electronic close, that without some seriously determined sellers, price was going to have to rise...


Will I even catch a big wave, 1,000 ticks or so? I'm starting to not care. The factors that determine those types of move are constantly changing, rare to align, and if I do catch one, is it skill, or luck?

I had a mentor who said, "Want to make a million in trading? Learn to make a dollar a day." That does not sound like such a big wave...


If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. - Henry Ford


Last edited by GaryD; September 26th, 2012 at 10:43 PM.
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  #4298 (permalink)
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Henry Ford -

Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.



Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.



Don't find fault, find a remedy.



Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.



Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest
thing in life is to keep your mind young.



If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.



The only real security that a man can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience and ability.



Speculation is only a word covering the making of money out of the manipulation of prices, instead of supplying goods and services.



I do not believe a man can ever leave his business. He ought to think of it by day and dream of it by night.



There is no man living that can not do more than he thinks he can.

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  #4299 (permalink)
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This should be fun. Day one of medicated trading.

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  #4300 (permalink)
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MWinfrey View Post
Is it an indicator that can be shared? I'd love to see the code.



It came from futures.io (formerly BMT). "AaMA" I set mine to T3, and have "flooding" on two of the three I watch. That is what creates the gradual shift between colors, when one is up and the other is down.

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