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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets
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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

  #4111 (permalink)
Elite Member
Michigan, Jackson
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
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Thanks: 389 given, 547 received

Hey, Gary,

A trading partner provides, first and foremost, accountability to a fellow trader regarding his trading rules. For those who think "out loud" or on the fly, it is a means of debriefing yourself. Other trading partners share their preferred method of trading or even there system of trade. In essence, a trade partner makes a commitment to a fellow trader as a check on his partner's trading behavior. Not everyone is open to this. Hubris is the enemy of the trader. Those humbled by the markets are often in the best position to work with a trade partner to better understand his/her own trade psychology.

I am not a trading psychologist but am interested in finding someone to "keep me honest." I know, my motive is a bit selfish but also in the interest of those who see the need for a smaller group of trading friends.

Ken

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  #4112 (permalink)
Site Administrator
Manta, Ecuador
 
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GaryD View Post
Thanks Ken. Sometimes I wonder if this is even the place for this.

It's your journal - it's for you! Do what you need to do to be able to reflect and improve.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

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  #4113 (permalink)
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Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
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GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


I just booked a flight back to Denver. I have a project that is starting to slip, scheduled for completion by the end of the week. Just got an update this morning. I leave tomorrow afternoon and will probably not be back until Friday at the earliest.

@greenr, I am in town today and in the morning, but after that may miss you this trip. I leave Sunday at 1:45pm. Sorry, I was looking forward to trading with you for a day.

The part that is behind involves placement of cameras and projectors to capture interaction with life-size screens, and there is about 1" of room for error. And it has to all be positioned before Wednesday for other things to occur. I even considered flying someone else out, but the timeline is so close and the completion is a bit tricky.


@COTtrader, I PM'd you my contact info.


Not packing monitors this trip. Just starting to feel like I am beat, and today don't really care enough to pack them. Maybe I'll get there and think differently, but there is a flat screen out there, if I really need it.

 
  #4114 (permalink)
Elite Member
Nashville, Tennessee
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: Ninja / Jigsaw / 9G
Broker/Data: AMP / CQG
Favorite Futures: NQ, YM and ES
 
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Thanks: 4,260 given, 2,527 received


GaryD View Post
est.



Not packing monitors this trip. Just starting to feel like I am beat, and today don't really care enough to pack them. Maybe I'll get there and think differently, but there is a flat screen out there, if I really need it.


Hang in there, brother... you are sounding a bit down. Positive waves, baby... Positive waves....

Be safe in your travels.


AJ
Nashville, Tennessee


"Life On The Edge of SR"
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  #4115 (permalink)
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tderrick View Post
Hang in there, brother... you are sounding a bit down. Positive waves, baby... Positive waves....

Be safe in your travels.

I'm just wearing down. A lot of hard work has gone into getting $6k a month with no guarantees. Unless I can get over the issue with size and distance, it is just not worth it. I am stuck.

I have lost so much in my past that losing is no longer something I am comfortable with. I am older today, not as interested in risk as I once was. And the 7 day a week 18 hour a day work schedule is eating away my life.
The crazy workload, the non-stop studying...

I got the continuation on a contract I thought I was going to lose, but now seem to have it back and starting new projects in Jersey and MA within a week or so. And I know, almost for sure today, what I will make there, and it is almost guaranteed more per hour for than I make trading.

I am just seeing 1) partial success compared to where I wanted to be, 2 a possible push into experiencing full time that is now not there, and 3) a guy who is beating himself to death trying to make up for mistakes in his past.

Feeling the sacrifice is needed, and that, "some day..."

But then, there is today. There have been thousands of "today"s that I have let get away, only starting to catch a glimpse of it, strangely initiated by @researcher247's comments one day.

My wife and I were discussing political candidates a few nights ago. Her belief was that Obama was to blame for the financial crisis. I was debating that the problem started long before that, and that it did not matter who won in the past election. In my mind, no one coud stop the damage that was to come.

She looked at me and said, "So when do you stop blaming yourself?"

And that lead to a few posts here, a few of which got deleted. I'm now almost teasing myself, and that is not healthy.

So, you are correct, I am feeling down some today. Like I am questioning everything. Still in this house. Back to the airport tomorrow.

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  #4116 (permalink)
Site Administrator
Manta, Ecuador
 
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GaryD View Post
And that lead to a few posts here, a few of which got deleted.

To be clear, futures.io (formerly BMT) has not deleted anything.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

The following user says Thank You to Big Mike for this post:
 
  #4117 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
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GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received

I know it may sound strange. Yes, I sold my soul in a way, years back, by giving 100% of my time, to reach a goal. It was more, keeping a promise I made to myself. But I hated it a lot of the time. 80-90 hour weeks are tough.

And then, I got to slow down and be myself more. And I enjoyed that.

Now I see the pursuit to get back somehitng I lost is taking over my life again. I am slowly moving away from being the person my wife married, while believeing that all I am doing is trying to get back to being that person.

It's not about money. I had that thought related to trading a few times here, but still, tunnelvision that I have sometimes, missed the whole fucking point. It is about living. And I have been missing out for a long time now.

If someday in the future things slow down for me, maybe I will trade full time. Today I lack the confidence, and maybe it is just because I have a stable source of a better income today. And that realization, having spent so many hours and feeling like, I have succeeded and failed all in the same move... God, how many traders would love to just make a profit? And if I had more put away, were I not trying to catch up and provide for a secure retitirement for me and my wife, if I were 25 again...

But breaking the candle in half and burning four ends is getting old. Ignoring my wife is not right. Spending every waking moment trying to undo some of my past..

And it is sad for me today, feeling like I need to back off one or the other, and not feeling like I should choose the one I enjoy more.

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  #4118 (permalink)
Site Administrator
Manta, Ecuador
 
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Thanks: 29,351 given, 83,223 received


GaryD View Post
I'm just wearing down. A lot of hard work has gone into getting $6k a month with no guarantees. Unless I can get over the issue with size and distance, it is just not worth it. I am stuck.

Why do you want to be a trader?

Are you unable to be happy if you are not a trader?

What things make you unhappy if you are not able to earn your living through trading?

What things make you happy with trading?

Don't say "I'm stuck". Always move forward. Years ago I can easily remember thoughts of "just add a zero", meaning that if you are trading 2 contracts successfully then "just add a zero" and trade 20. Why not? What's the big deal? Of course, it is a big deal for all the reasons that are impossible to quantify into a single post or to try to teach someone who has not yet learned it for themselves.

But you aren't stuck. Not if you really want to be a trader. Set realistic expectations. Set intervals to measure yourself. Define specific areas to focus on and train on. Always be learning, always move forward, always be a better trader today than you were yesterday, even if you had a losing day - you've gained additional experience.

Increasing size is not as easy as most think. If it was, I would be retired today. (luckily for me, I am thinking 'retirement' is only a year or two away). The important thing is to focus on getting better.

Size can be very difficult when you have a lot of baggage of losses and if you have any kind of insecurity about your income or money in the bank, etc. Usually what happens is people start with a lot of money, lose it all, then pour in more money, lose it all, and by the time they are on their third or fourth account, they don't have any 'extra' money left to risk. So even though they've learned a tremendous amount and may finally have sufficient skills to start making money as a trader, the emotional and psychological side is a constant battle which prevents them from just "adding a zero" with success.

Of course the other side of the coin are the people who have lost a great deal of money, and are still bad traders today - but unwilling to reduce size downward, because "I can't make my money back if I trade smaller".

Everything requires the absolute perfect amount of balance.

If it were me, working a day job, having a family, I would never be able to day trade. It's just too time demanding. Swing trading equities/ETFs may be far easier for you. You mentioned you had swing traded previously, but it is not clear to me why you stopped swing traded and started futures trading?

I started swing traded over 15 years ago and then 5 years ago switched to almost exclusively futures. But in the last year I've added a lot of swing trading back to the mix, and I have to tell you, it is so much easier These days even my futures trades are on ever bigger and bigger charts, and longer and longer duration. To me, it is just easier this way.

I'm not at all trying to convince you to change anything. But I do ask the question, why futures? Why day trade? (vs swing trading ETFs, as an example). I'm talking about the time commitment of day trading vs swing trading, not about leverage or risk or tax benefits.

Mike

Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.

Need help?
1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first.
2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses.
3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make.
4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance.
5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers.
6)
Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.

If you want
to support our community, become an Elite Member.

The following 3 users say Thank You to Big Mike for this post:
 
  #4119 (permalink)
Elite Member
Nashville, Tennessee
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: Ninja / Jigsaw / 9G
Broker/Data: AMP / CQG
Favorite Futures: NQ, YM and ES
 
tderrick's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,589 since Sep 2010
Thanks: 4,260 given, 2,527 received


GaryD View Post
I'm just wearing down. A lot of hard work has gone into getting $6k a month with no guarantees. Unless I can get over the issue with size and distance, it is just not worth it. I am stuck.

I have lost so much in my past that losing is no longer something I am comfortable with. I am older today, not as interested in risk as I once was. And the 7 day a week 18 hour a day work schedule is eating away my life.
The crazy workload, the non-stop studying...

I got the continuation on a contract I thought I was going to lose, but now seem to have it back and starting new projects in Jersey and MA within a week or so. And I know, almost for sure today, what I will make there, and it is almost guaranteed more per hour for than I make trading.

I am just seeing 1) partial success compared to where I wanted to be, 2 a possible push into experiencing full time that is now not there, and 3) a guy who is beating himself to death trying to make up for mistakes in his past.

Feeling the sacrifice is needed, and that, "some day..."

But then, there is today. There have been thousands of "today"s that I have let get away, only starting to catch a glimpse of it, strangely initiated by @researcher247's comments one day.

My wife and I were discussing political candidates a few nights ago. Her belief was that Obama was to blame for the financial crisis. I was debating that the problem started long before that, and that it did not matter who won in the past election. In my mind, no one coud stop the damage that was to come.

She looked at me and said, "So when do you stop blaming yourself?"

And that lead to a few posts here, a few of which got deleted. I'm now almost teasing myself, and that is not healthy.

So, you are correct, I am feeling down some today. Like I am questioning everything. Still in this house. Back to the airport tomorrow.



Although your schedule, due to air travel, is a bit more grueling than mine, I feel we are in a similar boat.

I work very long hours in the studio at times and then "unwind" by getting in some screen time on price
action. I rarely feel rested enough to be comfortable with live trades, so I study constantly.

Also, I am now 51. I spent the first half of my life basically not really applying myself to be truly successful.
I have always envied "driven" people, but also realize that being a work a holic has it's own set of drawbacks.
I took enough sessions to survive making sure to leave plenty of time for "Recreation" I have no idea why
my wife has stood by me for 22 years - amazing.

Where we align, is that now I have a deep feeling of lost time and regret. Was enjoying my life to the hilt wrong?
Perhaps no more than the man who worked his entire life away and lies on his death bed saying "I wish I had
a bit more fun"

My wife is actually a bit worried about me now.

I never have "fun" anymore. I now am "driven" I don't want to go out and watch bands anymore.
...or golf, or fish or ride my motorcycle.... I now have a goal. A purpose. I have never been happier.

Imagine the possibility of making a decent wage from your home spending only a few hours a day at the screen.
Incredible. Worth fighting for until the day I die. ( which is little too close for comfort now, I'm afraid)

I'm not sure how old you are or how you spent the first part of your life. All we have is now.
I'm learning to take a little pressure off myself.... because in the end, it is who you love and who loves you
that really counts.

If you are young and have been jamming hard all your life, maybe it's just time for a break. You can always
come back to trading at anytime.

It's just money, baby. Stay the course... just slow down a bit.


AJ
Nashville, Tennessee


"Life On The Edge of SR"
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  #4120 (permalink)
Membership Permanently Revoked
copenhagen denmark
 
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GaryD View Post
I know it may sound strange. Yes, I sold my soul in a way, years back, by giving 100% of my time, to reach a goal. It was more, keeping a promise I made to myself. But I hated it a lot of the time. 80-90 hour weeks are tough.

And then, I got to slow down and be myself more. And I enjoyed that.

Now I see the pursuit to get back somehitng I lost is taking over my life again. I am slowly moving away from being the person my wife married, while believeing that all I am doing is trying to get back to being that person.

It's not about money. I had that thought related to trading a few times here, but still, tunnelvision that I have sometimes, missed the whole fucking point. It is about living. And I have been missing out for a long time now.

If someday in the future things slow down for me, maybe I will trade full time. Today I lack the confidence, and maybe it is just because I have a stable source of a better income today. And that realization, having spent so many hours and feeling like, I have succeeded and failed all in the same move... God, how many traders would love to just make a profit? And if I had more put away, were I not trying to catch up and provide for a secure retitirement for me and my wife, if I were 25 again...

But breaking the candle in half and burning four ends is getting old. Ignoring my wife is not right. Spending every waking moment trying to undo some of my past..

And it is sad for me today, feeling like I need to back off one or the other, and not feeling like I should choose the one I enjoy more.

Its your understanding of why markets move that is 100% wrong . Trading should never be this hard. Its your inability to go outside and meet real traders from real companies. In here you are surrounded by internet kings and forum trolls , it clouds everything .


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