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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets
I am not sure that is correct, as I drove away from here I had that comment run through my head over and over. Maybe, trading should feel easy, and my desire to oppress that feeling is going the wrong direction? I understand that there was a time when that feeling could be deadly, but is it really bad today? Do I need to feel like trading is difficult?
Can you help answer these questions from other members on NexusFi?
In Schwager's youtube presentation to an audience, he mentions "Trader X" who would not allow him to use the interview in his book, but agreed to anonymity. He said something about 'zen and the art of trading' and that "if there is effort, force, straining, struggling, or trying--it's wrong. Good trading is effortless." ... mostly correct quote there anyway.
A flash just ran through my mind, picturing thousands of stereotypical traders, all going after money with such hunger that they chase it away.
If only they did not try so hard... but that would seem like they were not sincere. The greater the loss, the harder they try, grasping at it tighter and tighter.
And in contrast to that image, for some reason it almost seems obvious that the better chance of success would go with a different mentality. Not that they would ever care to try, but I would bet on them if they did.
I brought in quite a good amount towards the end of the past week. Win rate well above 70% for the week. Scalped over 150 ticks on Friday, one tiny piece at a time, almost could not lose. Something like 90 ticks long / 60 short. Thursday was much better in net, but a completely different approach. And 100% short.
But, what all of my trades shared last week, is that with every entry I was confident yet scared, like a mouse darting for cheese.
Not one day did I truly allow the market to be.
And if I had, my wins might have been 10x greater. Or, I might have lost and walked away.
But over the larger picture, over the longer sampling, giving freedom, over and over every time, whether coming off a loss or a win, is a better plan. I see that it is, I know that it is, and still... come Monday, I may come at the market with more fear and a tighter grip than I should. Partly because I am still wired more as a trader than as a monk.
But, I am making a committment to myself be aware of letting go, to fight the urge to want anything.
My desire to trade full time has me trying to fit trading into a box that it does not want to go into. I make it seem difficult at times because I want it to be something that it is not. When I allow it to be what it is, it is easy.
To put so much effort into the study, it is such a harsh contrast to then not care whether we are wrong or right. Like a car going 100mph and then hitting a brick wall, the mental effort goes from 100% to zero in the blink of an eye, or rather the click of a mouse. Now what? Is there anything else to do? It is a tough concept when money, survival even, is at stake. But, what is required, is to let go.
Isn't it the same with all relationships? The more we demand, the less we actually receive?
That is why I trade better when I do not care. But I should not look at it as "not caring". I should think of it as, what caring really feels like. Or maybe, caring is confused with concerned, and concerned sounds a step closer to fear.
Being comfortable enough with myself in that moment, that the outcome does not affect me, and allowing price to give me whatever it wants, thankful either way.
The discussion of mirrors and projections has appeared several times here, but it is often the simplest answers that are the most difficult. The world reflects back at us what we project.
The freedom of trading goes beyond the definitions I attempt to impose. It is a two-way relationship. I cannot require it to do anything. To receive freedom, I must give freedom.
Spending the day just getting rid of a lot of stuff. Paper, files, clothes, whatever I touch that I question, if I don't need it, gone.
And in the proces I have gotten some cold chills from somethig that I am having a hard time describing when I sit down to type. It has to do with a comment in Trading in the Zone. Something like, "trust yourself to do what is in your best interest."
I would bet a lot of us read that, understand it, digest it... obvious answer, right? Which of us does not know what that means?
But the cold chill part... do we really see both sides of that statement with equal focus?
I know that to me, the first thoughts were things like; Position size, stop loss, max down, rules, methods...
But... what about trusting yourself when you when you are right? I almost always feel I cut my profits too soon.
That is the hardest part to trust for us for some reason. Am I wrong? It can't just be me, and I may even believe it is every one of us at some time or another.
Do not be concerned if you are wrong... and be even less concerened, when you are right.
Part of the journey of self trust is to finally know that the mechanical things like rules, money management, etc are something we just do....no self deceit, we just do it....integrity with ourselves.....then I think we develop the right to trust the other areas of ourselves that are not rule driven......the feeling areas.....
Sometimes, and I have it at least once a day, I get a feeling that leaves me feeling.....well, not sure how to describe it.....but its essentially a knowing....without reason behind it.....that makes me think, "this trade is a winner" or its gonna run.....or this thing is a dog.....you get the idea.
Its these times I want to size up if its a good feeling and a pass on the trade if its bad. Trouble is, I'm not at the place where I feel like I can trust myself enough during these times to capitalize on it....like passing on a trade that looks good or sizing up on one I know I should.......but this week has pushed me toward this. Taking bigger calculated risk when it certain things line up....kinda like all the planets in alignment or something....and also being willing to sit when they're not....
Its strange actually, this feeling of actually WANTING to trust myself again....no...not wanting....NEEDING to trust myself....like the old days....when I could do no wrong.....relying less and less on others to point me in the right direction and more and more on myself......my skills and knowledge......looking at the man in the mirror and KNOWING its ok.........
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, Leonardo da Vinci
Most people chose unhappiness over uncertainty, Tim Ferris
"The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going." - Emerson
A little quote my wife gave me years ago, in a tiny 2" x 2" glass frame. I always kept it on my desk, until a few years ago, moved a few times. Maybe, subconsciously, I decided I did not know where I was going?
