Well, for one, I have not traded anything other than crude for a long time, and while it can be a moody and volatile animal, it is what I seem to understand better. I watch 6E, so that would be my first choice if I were going to a 3am instrument. But even things like new events make more sense to me as to why the price of oil would move as opposed tto the value of a currency. But, let's assume I could get past the learning curve.

The real issue is not whether I can make money, because despite the fact that I am not making what I would like to in trading, I am doing well in the other things I do. What has happened to me, is I chose my original career path soley for the purpose of making a lot of money, but never because I enjoyed doing it. I one day broke free, and then transitioned what I did for a living to keeping the good parts and eliminating the bad, and did that for several years with great success. But that fell apart on me, as we have discussed. And in hindsight, had I just continued to drudge along in the work I did not enjoy, I would have come out so much better financially.

So, back to the old ways of 80 hours a week, in something I can barely stand, is the thing I knew to do to dig myself out of a hole. And I am somewhat out of that hole now, but looking at moving to full time trading as something that gives me far more satisfaction and personal freedom.

But, it also carries with it risk, and I went down that path once before, choosing something I enjoyed over something practical, and having it blow up on me. One side of me does not want to be afraid to take risks again, and wants to be free to follow whatever path I choose, but the memories of failure are a tough thing to overcome, and so I am clinging to this middle ground of keeping my trading skills honed while I keep the main source of income flowing.

Here's what is the real deal killer to your proposal though; I do not want to arrange my trading so that it allows me to work full time. I want to adjust my mind so that I am more relaxed with uncertainty, and I want to be able to pursue something I feel is more aligned with my spirit.

I was prepared to move along, go to full time trading, when a client lost their account, which caused me to see a significantly reduced workflow, which seemed to be the "push" I was looking for. And then, the new company that took over the work of my client asked me if I would keep doing the same thing for them. "Hooray"... with great sarcasm.

Yes, the money would flow, but that is not the point. If I were not afraid of the unknown, I would tell them "no, thinks but I have other plans". And I even did that initially. Then this job in Denver came up, for my old client, and it was presented to me in a way that I could not turn it down... And now the potential new client is hitting me hard with offers.

So, I came to Denver full time, instead of hiring someone as I always have in the past, and saw it as a working vacation, to clear my head, get a better view of what I really wanted out of life. I packed my monitors, rented a place in a "resort" property, and set up shop as a trader in the morning and a project manager in the afternoon. It actually works well for me to trade crude on Colorado time. The Denver job is not really tough. I could manage that from noon until 4pm EST. It's the bigger picture that is tough on me.

And, last week I just had a lot of things going on. Tough issues on four jobs, all east coast time. I probably would have not tradeded at all had I not come to Denver to sort out some personal decisions. And, I am net up since I got here, so all is not bad.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

@GaryD,

Don't wait too long to do what you really want or your life will be over. Even worse is your life will change and you will no longer be in the position to do it. I waited too long to start trading when i was younger for fear of the unknown. This decision cost me a career in what I really love to do.

I no longer fear failing or have a fear of the unknown; I now have a fear of losing the opportunity which has been presented to me by not doing anything.

I will leave you with a passage from Steve Jobs commecment speech. It sums up better what I am trying to say:



source: Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address - Forbes

SD