Even comning into this up market, and first desire was to short. Crazy from some perspectives. I think that is part of what keeps me from the leap of faith. There is nothing to hold onto other than, faith, gut. While I love it, something about it feels scary to bet my entire future on. I am hoping that will change though, and working on it. It is not about trading, it is deeper.
In a youtube video of a lecture by Jack Schwager, he said something like 'loyalty is good in life; in trading, it's terrible' ... meaning of course, be willing to see different angles and perspectives. I can do this on the same day, but reversing from long to short and vice versa is a feat that I have only been able to do a few times ever. It's just so contrary to human nature to switch sides so quickly.
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Rough week. That max down hurt me. I should not have traded, knowing my head was fucked up with the heart attack, 4 hours sleep many nights, just a bad attitude, and then tried to pick a top. I should know better, I do know better, but that means nothing sometimes.
Traded 43% profitable. Net 19 ticks on the week. Amazing I finished up at all, really didn't after costs. That one max down day made all the difference in net, but my numbers were bad regardless. I think I am upset with myself for pushing trading off, driving myself too hard to do everything well, exhausted from different time zones...
I know, I live it. I handle it well, no headaches, no nausea, calm in chaos. I was drininking with a close friend years ago, and said something like, "I am the kind of guy you would want to be in a disaster with". lol! Cocky maybe, but what it meant was ,I just kind of let things be what they are, but then manage appropriately. Even if I know it sucks the whole time.
But I know stress goes somewhere inside me. I am not impervious, just resilient.
That is where you are braver that I am today. It was weird, I just posted this week that I wish I would get a push, but doubt I would like whatever it was. Then I listened to your webinar and heard you had a push, and did not necessarily like it.
There is one guy I have met here who seems to have been born into it. Great way to start, from what little I know. Family support, belief support, mentor/friend environment, young age, fits his personality. The rest of us seem to have some undoing to do.
LOL, it is interesting you say that. Here is an email I just received:
I think in my old day job I would appear to manage the stress well. I never really thought of myself is stressed. But the body clearly knew better, it was trying to tell me with the headaches, and I never really appreciated that or realized as crystal clear as once they stopped almost immediately after quitting the job. You would think quitting would be a cause of stress, but in fact, it was an enormous relief!
Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.
Need help? 1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first. 2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses. 3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make. 4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance. 5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers. 6) Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.
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In trading performance numbers, this was possibly the worst week I have had in a year. Low 40% wins (NT closed), hit max down by taking a trade I knew I shouldn't. And yet I finished slightly up. Winners larger than losers was the only thing that could save me this week.
I really believe I am disappointed in myself for keeping on taking new work. I am looking at San Antonio, New Jersey, another near Boston, one in New York... I started back into business and have built it to something solid, and when I went in I had nearly the same drive I did at age 25, but now, just not loving it. Looking at what I fought to achieve and wanting to walk away in it's prime. My big losing day came in the middle of a supervisor's hospital stay, adding a feeling of having failed him, and questioning why I was possibly walking the same path. I have read about things like that causing poor trading, but, that wouldn't affect me... We probably all think that at times. " I am fine ".
I am enjoying Colorado, particularly how the trading hours work here. I was out of the house by 10:30am. I like the people, the scenery, the lack of humidity. Having a hard time with the oxygen, not sleeping well, always out of breath.
Last edited by GaryD; August 17th, 2012 at 07:03 PM.
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