I agree with you. Still finding myself, but much has already been located. The comment on not knowing was that I am becoming increasingly comfortable in that state. There are those few times when I may know something, and I am defining those better and more patient in between. I started with a belief that I would learn everything and that would increase probability, but now it is more that I feel I learn what I do not know, how to tell when I know nothing, and I am actually expecting to know nothing on a regular basis. And then there are moments when that changes, but only for a small percentage of the time. I am getting it, slow and shaky with the size issue, but other than that...
That started with my wife putting together a soundtrack for her yoga teacher training. She had a CD of Kundalini meditation music, I checked it out and did not like it, but then did some research on music designed to stimulate certain things. I found there are 4 brainwaves, and read about each of them, then found music designed to stimulate each of them specifically. I am guessing Alpha and/or Theta is what would fit trading, but really have no clue and have not listened to them yet.
What I do know is a calm mind is a requirement, but wonder if that can be pushed further. I plan to download some things and try it out in the next few weeks. Will post if anything seems interesting.
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If I could manage as a prostitute, I might try that first, but I don't think I would do as well there. I guess I could print some business cards and head out to Vegas to find out...
Trading is something I found by accident, but it filled a need to have a dream again. And as I pursued it, I simultaneously started in a new business direction, and have built that into something worthwhile. But the drive is not there, and it has instead shifted to trading. What I thought trading would be, it still may become. But today it is not what I thought it was. Meanwhile, what I believe I discovered trading "IS", I have become very drawn to, surprisingly connected to. In balance with possibly.
I am looking at leaving a job (my own business) that pays well, and requires a lot of experience (which I have) to be effective, and pursuing full time trading instead. The project that we lost the contract on recently may be headed back to us again. Just got a call late yesterday, and an email this morning. I am weeks from being ready to shut the doors. Now thinking about it.
I wanted money. Today I want something else. Figuring that out along the way has been a blessing in so many ways. And somehow, because of that, I believe I trade better. But, I also believe that to take the next step in trading, I have to eliminate the noise of running a company. And to do that, I must abandon something I built up again from scratch. So I debate, and hesitate, and question.
I'll figure it out. Thanks brother, always enjoy your posts.
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I don't think I could work for anyone but myself; maybe a few other people--certainly not a large company. I would rather live in a poor country and live well than have to have a real job and a wife and kids and go to church and fill up all of my off hours with 'tasks' for others, etc...that sounds fucking ponderous.
Hey! Clone yourself--and there you are!
Trading intraday requires being in the groove (as you know). Some people can sit right down after 2 months of doing something else and pick right up where they left off. 95%+ of traders cannot do that. I can't do that either, or I would take WAY more time off.
You could work all damned day (PST to EST zones aroundt the U.S.) and then take a long nap and then trade overnight something like the DAX or HSI or EUROFX or Kospi 2000 super early without a single interruption; then run yourself into the ground working 12+ hour days doing what you know.
Trading without interruption is another thing 95% of traders require when scaling. I guess there are super dudes out there wiping their kids asses and feeding them or running the family business while they fire off 2K+ days consistently; more power to them.
I often wonder how many traders make the successful journey from full-time job to part-time trading while working full time and then all the way to full-time trader with no job?
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To my benefit, I am a taskmaster, so doing both has not been as much of a chore as a goal. But without focusing full time I will remain limited in what I can accomplish. I see clearly that I would trade better, make more, have more comfort with size... if trading were all I did.
Today, I went short at 88.90. Stallked it for a long time. I was down $600 +/-, knocked on my ass so to speak, and making sure I knew my plan before I did that again. made back my loss, but then dropped it when I got a call about something urgent on another job. As I was on the phone, I saw the market let loose, but could do nothing about it.
I used to think, "Just set your stop and let it go", and maybe I should in some ways. But still, reading what is happening, in my opinion, is crucial to my success. As soon as anything impairs that, I'm out. Things change in trading, constantly. Imagine being short CL, walk out of the room, and while I am gone some news event comes out. I may not know the news as fast as others, but I would see volume and would know something is up, and at that point my target is no longer as important. Damage control is the new focus.
What surprised me, is that I became interested in trading because I thought it would make significant amounts of money. But there are other ways to do that as well. Things I do well today can make significant money. Lately the draw is not money, but a way of life, a way of thinking. You helped bring that to focus at times.
I woke up at 4:45am a couple weeks ago, caught the first plane to DC, rented a car, drove an hour, had meetings all day, back to DC for an 8pm flight to Boston, delayed until 2:30am, got in bed at 5:15am, and was at my next meeting around 7am. Worked through the weekend, and then between then and now flew to DC, to Boston, to DC, and then home by 9pm Sunday night. The whole time never getting more than 6-8 hours to myself, and half of those were sleeping. I run 7000 minutes on a cell phone a month. The drive for money, or whatever, accomplishment, keeping my word, ego, I am not sure I really know, is very strong in me. All consuming if I allow it to be. That is not living.
What I now like about trading;
It acts as a reflection of myself. My results are directly tied to how I am feeling or thinking. So if I am trading poorly, it tells me something deeper and causes me to review myself.
It offers unlimited potential. Whatever I need, it has the ability to provide.
It is a far calmer space than what I do outside of trading. I enjoy the peace of it. There is no rush to make a certain amount so I can quit doing it.
It is mentally stimulating. Not only the chart analysis, but trying to understand the world in general, how certain things will effect other things as the news and events roll along.
There is no need for a "retirement". If I can think, see, and click a mouse, I am good.
I can eventually help others with it. I already have many friends asking me to please trade for them, but I am not ready for the pressure of not only worrying about my money, but theirs. But, taking investors money and delivering phenomenal returns is something I used to do (in developing), and I know I have had comfort with that concept in the past, and, that I enjoyed delivering good profits to them.
If I quit working all the time and trading in between, and instead just trade, I have time to live. That concept is tough for me. I lived for several years doing nothing and not needing anything, and grew tired of it. I was possibly too young to appreciate it. I had things that needed to be done! But not so much today. I have been there, done that, owned that. Not all it is supposed to be.
After the final phone call today, around 7pm, I put my dog in her seatbelt and we went to the dog park. She is getting so much better with being around other people, but I have really had to work at it for the past 4 years. Today as I sat in a chair, watching her run and meet people, I felt happy. No cost of admission. When I got home on Sunday night, got unloaded, took a shower, and saw my wife in the Laundry Room, I went up and hugged and kissed her. Best moment I had all week, again, no charge.
I have fought to learn to trade, most of the time believeing it was something completely different. But I may just be understanding what it is. I think, I just see a better way. And interestingly, when I see it as that and nothing else, it becomes easier.
I don't have to make the leap right now, even though I started a countdown for right at my 44th birthday, just passed, and the end of what I had in progress elsewhere. But, Sunday I signed on for another 3-4 weeks of work on a job we were done with, and am considering going to Denver for something new, and got invited to work with the new company that took over the urgent cares... I don't know yet. I do know that I am no longer afraid of running out of work, which I believe, as a lifetime entrepreneur, is a constant motivating factor. If there is nothing else to do and I have an internet connection, there is money to be made. Or rather, a "living".
Last edited by GaryD; July 31st, 2012 at 10:57 PM.
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