CL did not know where it was going into the close, we both apparently found it a coin toss. Never could break the high, which speaks loudly to me. I am not liking trying to fight ES, TF, and 6E, and that is why I took the 3rd contract off early, even though I still believed it would washout .20, and return to the yellow line on the 120 min. But with the other markets exploding, shorting seemed imprudent.
I was able to hold my gains today, despite being really frustrated about dropping my long this morning for other work. In hindsight, I could have set my stop and let it go, but I have seen that I will lose my focus on other things, keep looking at the charts (same room), and it was not fair to the other people involved in the call. I figured I would take my shot after the call ended, and by that point the obvious long was much smaller in distance, and the short was my preferred trade but I was not about to hit it 6-9 contracts in the face of everything else going through the roof. So I caught a few ticks, gorgeous entry, decent exit except for #3, I should have waited.
I watched TF into the 3-4pm window, considered a buy around 781, and then hesitated. Once it was back up into 783 I was not interested. It was like it occured to me, that the best moves are earlier in the day, and I was up, why risk it? It may have been good for another hundred or two, but really, why?
I am starting to see that in a lot of trades, asking myself if that is really a great opportunity, just a decent one, a coin toss, or just plain wrong but wanting to see it differently. That last one comes when I miss a great trade. Revenge trading an air loss...
Max down is easy to calculate. Max "miss" is not something I have thought of much until now, but it is a factor in my psychology, and a new contender for the role of top resistance.
I have seen why trading is so hard for me to make the final push. With my history, attempting to feel comfortable with risk, with the unknown, with loss, with leaving money on the table... those are all things that my experience has caused my to have hypersensitivity to. When I do not care about the outcome, those things do not come into play, and I can think, read, manage and wait far more effectively.
I see it though, and I am aware of it, sometimes even focusing on those topics while I am in a trade. There does not seem to be a switch that causes my shift to be instant, but there is a gauge that is slowly moving.
Two contracts has become the same as one in my mind, and that alone is a little victory. I am more comfortable now being in three even, but with each tiny increase see worse trade management. But, better in relation to where I was. It seems every new push to be a better trader starts by taking a step backwards, which can be tricky to digest. Going to the gym reguarly lately keeps me seeing the analogy to how strength builds. Tear down muscle, build back up. Break mental boundaries, build back better ones. Not quite what I wanted? Break them down again...
Last edited by GaryD; June 19th, 2012 at 10:08 PM.
Reason: re-read and found typos
The following 4 users say Thank You to GaryD for this post:
Love reading your journal again Gary, have been doing a lot of thinking on my vacation and what you have written above is the exact topics that have been on my mind. You have taught yourself to be your own observer/trade coach. Be in able to recognize the mind state you are in. Be in able to understand how we think in our split personalities as humans, and more important control them
I keep an emotion journal for most trades to keep myself on my toes to which state of mind I am in throughout my trading day, this is the greatest way to learn our inner self. To learn how to fine tune our inner self for best performance in the markets. You have managed to do this naturally through this journal
People think the key to trading is to rule out emotions, but professional traders know that our emotions are our greatest tools at hand. To have the ability and skills to observe our natural emotions from an observer of our self rather than a human self-indulged in greed and fear
Have a great evening Gary, you’re a great trader
" I will follow my rules, I will take my stops, I will be disciplined and i will work with the market....NOT AGAINST IT! Professional mind control is the key"
The following 2 users say Thank You to greenr for this post:
I am convinced that trading is not against the market, it is against ourselves. It tests our confidence, exploits our weaknesses, demands focus and tenacity, uncovers our true selves in ways possibly no other profession could. We win or lose because of who we are, and that is a harsh reality to accept.
I am not suggesting that there is not a technical side that must be understood, or that there are not fundamentals that are key to overall motion, but teach 1000 traders everything there is to know, and most will still fail.
We bring ourselves into the equation, and that is the final variable. I truly believe if you get that one right, you could get away with being sloppy in other places.
I am to where I believe I know how to do it correctly the majority of the time, but knowing and doing, having knowledge of versus being, they are not the same.
We bring ourselves into every trade we take, and every day we are no better than ourselves. For me, the focus is no longer better indicators, or better analysis, or different markets... it is a better me that I pursue. The money will come.
Thanks for the support.
The following 2 users say Thank You to GaryD for this post: