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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets


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Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

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  #1871 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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Started this thread

Can you help answer these questions
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  #1872 (permalink)
 zt379 
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zt379 View Post
.....

But haven't we all watched those sole crossings of an ocean or the climbing of a mountain or some such "doing" by another that we ourselves "feel" ?.......

" Try not.
Do.
Or not do.
There is no try"

...


GaryD View Post
I decided to do an intense cleanse of the body and the mind to reach a higher level of clarity. I am nearly fasting, but with enough food to keep me from losing it. I have better answers to your questions than I did before, but the questions seem backwards to me tonight.

What is it within you that is wild, that you need certainty has been tamed ?


I came to trading needing money, and had to learn to forget about that so that I could learn how to trade. When the focus shifted to money, I did poorly. I don't know exactly what that was, or is, or how much of that might still exist inside me, but I eventually discovered if I confined myself to a single contract, over and over and over, it went away. And I did pretty good.


What, specifically, are you confused about?

How do I step up while not thinking about the money? To pursue the goal of stepping up, what motivation would there be, other than making money?


I kept a spreadsheet open on another computer today, with last month's records distorted to appear as if I traded 2 contracts. When I found myself down today by $490.00, I was about to stop, as $500 is typically my max down (not max drawdown, max negative for the day). But looking at the past make-believe performance, I had been down more than than in a day before , and realized that just became $1,000 if I am going to play along. So I geared up for another trade, kept my size at 2, and pulled off the comeback today. It was easier feeling like it was just another day of trading, and being down "$250.00" was far from being out of the norm. I still had plenty of headroom. I made myself believe that nothing had changed. I wasn't completely buying it, but it certainly made it easier.

Hi GaryD.

There's a lot happening isn't there...
It comes as a surprise to us sometimes how things got so "busy".

There are few things worse than re-invoking the wrong things.
But how do we know what's right or wrong ?
How often have we gained the wisdom of what is right by having done what was wrong ?

All contradictions seem to be two sides that make the whole,
but we are seldom aware of both sides.
We are more often than not fixated or more focused on something without being aware of what it's
contradiction may reveal.

We need, as was mentioned to be aware of those reflections in order to see them.



So we face that most obvious of contradictions in trading:

"When the focus shifted to money, I did poorly."
and
" How do I step up while not thinking about the money? To pursue the goal of stepping up, what motivation would there be, other than making money?"

You have clearly stated a clear conflict.
A conflict in the sense that the two things, motivation and the purpose of that motivation, are not compatible.

Such that the motivation (to make money) becomes the very thing (via thinking about it) that doesn't allow us to achieve the purpose of that motivation.

So you got to asking those questions the other way around.
Answers are often within the very questions we ask.

You said:
"You came to trading needing to make money
only to become aware that in order to make money
you needed to forget about the money
and focus on the process of learning how to trade."

Seems like a plan stan (I mean GaryD) ?

I mentioned in a previous post:
"But haven't we all watched those sole crossings of an ocean or the climbing of a mountain or some such "doing" by another that we ourselves feel".

You've watched yourself solo cross many oceans or climb many mountains before.
Funny how such endevours actually result in us ending up at the place we left to start those journeys.
(and I've just re-read your first post of this Journal and some replies I gave in post #176 and #178)

That's where we always are.
Here, now, at the beginning of our journey.

Each and every present moment is the beginning of a journey.
Each and every trade is a beginning of a journey.
We are called upon, indeed we become aware that we are calling upon ourself to be present in this moment,
and in doing so we call into being everything we know to realize, to create something out of nothing.
After all "this" moment we are creating has never existed before.

The money isn't what we are creating, but rather we are creating the awareness to realize who we are.

What would be our motivation here then ?
To make money or to be aware ?
And in that awareness to learn to know ourself ?


Yes the "try not Do"quote.
I first read in a book before I saw that film.
As you mentioned, this is not about being reckless.
Indeed its the opposite.
It's about a high enough level of responsibility that enables a level of awareness that takes
us beyond the resistance we have created.

However, imo, trying, and especailly too hard, can be a sign post for caution !!

Where there is confilct there is resistance.
Where there is a question there is an anwser.

Some things just can't exist without the other,
indeed some things can only exist because of the other..


There is so much to say about such things but in the limitations of these posts,
this is just my perspective GaryD, for however and in whatever way it might help.

Kind regards

PS: I thought you're bike ride was interesting to say the least.
Re-visiting old ground and old memories can remind us of how we have moved on and so can always move on.
As Alan Watts would say "the present changes the past".
And graveyards ? I don't see it as our future, but as a reminder of where we are, here, now, present.
Nothing is more an important a contradiciton to reveal what is most important, perhaps.

.

"Every moment I wake up I realize I know nothing, and then I smile..." zt379
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  #1873 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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There is the reversal at support

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  #1874 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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Posts: 6,462 since May 2011

Will CL find enough believers today toretest or break the red zone, or is FOMC enough to stall it in it's tracks this morning?

Took an entry, down 10, took another up 10. Neither of us seems to know what we want to do.

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  #1875 (permalink)
 lancelottrader 
Legendary Market Wizard
west palm beach florida usa
 
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He who hesitates is lost At 10:40 ,.I was waiting for the little breakout at 104.50. I looked at my other monitor for one second and missed the quick move. I hate to get into a late entry, so had to watch the quick 70 tick move.

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 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
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Trading: happy
 
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Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


zt379 View Post


The money isn't what we are creating, but rather we are creating the awareness to realize who we are.



That is it, in a nutshell.

I thought I needed Obi-Wan, "my only hope", when who I really needed was Yoda.

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  #1877 (permalink)
 VinceVirgil 
Toronto, Canada
 
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zt379 View Post
Hi GaryD.

There's a lot happening isn't there...
It comes as a surprise to us sometimes how things got so "busy".

There are few things worse than re-invoking the wrong things.
But how do we know what's right or wrong ?
How often have we gained the wisdom of what is right by having done what was wrong ?

All contradictions seem to be two sides that make the whole,
but we are seldom aware of both sides.
We are more often than not fixated or more focused on something without being aware of what it's
contradiction may reveal.

We need, as was mentioned to be aware of those reflections in order to see them.



So we face that most obvious of contradictions in trading:

"When the focus shifted to money, I did poorly."
and
" How do I step up while not thinking about the money? To pursue the goal of stepping up, what motivation would there be, other than making money?"

You have clearly stated a clear conflict.
A conflict in the sense that the two things, motivation and the purpose of that motivation, are not compatible.

Such that the motivation (to make money) becomes the very thing (via thinking about it) that doesn't allow us to achieve the purpose of that motivation.

So you got to asking those questions the other way around.
Answers are often within the very questions we ask.

You said:
"You came to trading needing to make money
only to become aware that in order to make money
you needed to forget about the money
and focus on the process of learning how to trade."

Seems like a plan stan (I mean GaryD) ?

I mentioned in a previous post:
"But haven't we all watched those sole crossings of an ocean or the climbing of a mountain or some such "doing" by another that we ourselves feel".

You've watched yourself solo cross many oceans or climb many mountains before.
Funny how such endevours actually result in us ending up at the place we left to start those journeys.
(and I've just re-read your first post of this Journal and some replies I gave in post #176 and #178)

That's where we always are.
Here, now, at the beginning of our journey.

Each and every present moment is the beginning of a journey.
Each and every trade is a beginning of a journey.
We are called upon, indeed we become aware that we are calling upon ourself to be present in this moment,
and in doing so we call into being everything we know to realize, to create something out of nothing.
After all "this" moment we are creating has never existed before.

The money isn't what we are creating, but rather we are creating the awareness to realize who we are.

What would be our motivation here then ?
To make money or to be aware ?
And in that awareness to learn to know ourself ?


Yes the "try not Do"quote.
I first read in a book before I saw that film.
As you mentioned, this is not about being reckless.
Indeed its the opposite.
It's about a high enough level of responsibility that enables a level of awareness that takes
us beyond the resistance we have created.

However, imo, trying, and especailly too hard, can be a sign post for caution !!

Where there is confilct there is resistance.
Where there is a question there is an anwser.

Some things just can't exist without the other,
indeed some things can only exist because of the other..


There is so much to say about such things but in the limitations of these posts,
this is just my perspective GaryD, for however and in whatever way it might help.

Kind regards

PS: I thought you're bike ride was interesting to say the least.
Re-visiting old ground and old memories can remind us of how we have moved on and so can always move on.
As Alan Watts would say "the present changes the past".
And graveyards ? I don't see it as our future, but as a reminder of where we are, here, now, present.
Nothing is more an important a contradiciton to reveal what is most important, perhaps.

.

I have read this journal for some time and I really mean this in the most constructive way possible.

It may just be me, but I dont have the slightest idea how this can possibly help a person trade profitably.

I am just not getting it. Its just not adding up for me, from a logical standpoint. Am I overthinking this?

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  #1878 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
 
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Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


VinceVirgil View Post
I have read this journal for some time and I really mean this in the most constructive way possible.

It may just be me, but I dont have the slightest idea how this can possibly help a person trade profitably.

I am just not getting it. Its just not adding up for me, from a logical standpoint. Am I overthinking this?


Underthinking it. And overthinking it.

I has to do with something beyond math and risk. The answer is not necessarily in things that we can touch or feel or analyze by numbers alone. But, it can help be profitable, possibly more so than anything else.

Since FOMC is coming and there is nothing more to do...

My issue is not profitablility. That may be the confusing part. It is breaking out of a pattern that I formed intentionally to start a new habit, i.e. be profitable. So now I am profitable, but do not necessarily enjoy the limitations that I boxed myself in with.

Maybe like training wheels. I did not want them, but needed them to stop falling down. At some point, I want to remove them again, and am wrestling with how to do that correctly.

I want to keep what is good and shed what I am feeling is too restrictive, but have no experience with how to perform such delicate surgery on my psychology, and so I am pushing myself thorugh various exercises, testing some boundaries and then thinking about it more.

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  #1879 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Trading: happy
 
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Posts: 6,462 since May 2011


zt379 View Post


The money isn't what we are creating, but rather we are creating the awareness to realize who we are.



zt379 had an interesting approach here, and nearly nailed the object of my current state. I am a much better trader than I allow myself to be, I know that. I can nearly prove that. But my issue is a fear of letting go, a fear of losing what I have gained, a memory of things gone wrong in the past. If I stop thinking about "money... (being what I am)...creating", as zt said so eloquently, and instead focus on just being the trader that I am becoming, the trader that I already am.

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  #1880 (permalink)
 GaryD 
Orlando, Florida
 
Experience: None
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Trading: happy
 
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Posts: 6,462 since May 2011



Started this thread

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