Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets - Trading Journals | futures io social day trading
futures io futures trading


Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets
Updated: Views / Replies:278,409 / 4,686
Created: by GaryD Attachments:1,123

Welcome to futures io.

(If you already have an account, login at the top of the page)

futures io is the largest futures trading community on the planet, with over 90,000 members. At futures io, our goal has always been and always will be to create a friendly, positive, forward-thinking community where members can openly share and discuss everything the world of trading has to offer. The community is one of the friendliest you will find on any subject, with members going out of their way to help others. Some of the primary differences between futures io and other trading sites revolve around the standards of our community. Those standards include a code of conduct for our members, as well as extremely high standards that govern which partners we do business with, and which products or services we recommend to our members.

At futures io, our focus is on quality education. No hype, gimmicks, or secret sauce. The truth is: trading is hard. To succeed, you need to surround yourself with the right support system, educational content, and trading mentors Ė all of which you can find on futures io, utilizing our social trading environment.

With futures io, you can find honest trading reviews on brokers, trading rooms, indicator packages, trading strategies, and much more. Our trading review process is highly moderated to ensure that only genuine users are allowed, so you donít need to worry about fake reviews.

We are fundamentally different than most other trading sites:
  • We are here to help. Just let us know what you need.
  • We work extremely hard to keep things positive in our community.
  • We do not tolerate rude behavior, trolling, or vendors advertising in posts.
  • We firmly believe in and encourage sharing. The holy grail is within you, we can help you find it.
  • We expect our members to participate and become a part of the community. Help yourself by helping others.

You'll need to register in order to view the content of the threads and start contributing to our community.  It's free and simple.

-- Big Mike, Site Administrator

Closed Thread
 1,123  
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
 

Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

  #1841 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


Billbb View Post

But "what if" that over powering feeling is "ENERGY" ? Energy that is so powerfull it scares he crap out you..haa haa Yeah... Think about that for a minute....

Everyone feels that sense of energy when we step outside ourselfs, whether its over a ledge, stepping on stage for the 80th time or 1st time, approaching a really hot chick, back in the day. That energy is our gift. When we are sipping coffee on our couches or just flipping thru charts were in our "comfort zone" its when we step out of that zone we feel it..ENERGY

CrazyBill

I don't know if I really become "fearful", that may be the wrong word. I become protective, guarded, on high alert. I'll think about it for a few days and appreciate the perspective.

The following user says Thank You to GaryD for this post:
 
  #1842 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


zt379 View Post

We as traders, also have this odd relationship with uncertainty, as you've also mentioned.
That relationship is, imo also remarkable.
Oddly remarkable and remarkably odd.

It opens our awarness to a multitude of things, not least to that esoteric side that is then mirrored back to our trading.
ie: we then have a different perspective/relationship to loss and gread and fear etc..because we have a diffrent perspective of ourselves.

This is not a ramble I'm making here, but it is an attempt to try to give my perspective on what are very difficult and complicated things.

We begin to see the mirror that trading is of ourselves, but we can only see the reflections we are aware of !


I have all of these stories I discovered in my teens and twenties, while practicing holistic living and integrating some of eastern religion and philosophy into that. I mostly remember bits and pieces, and probably do the original author no justice. But one just came to mind;

There was a temple that was said to contain all of the answers to all of the questions in life. It was forbidden for anyone on the outside to enter, and was heavily guarded 24/7. One night, late when the guards were probably just a little foggy, a stray dog happened to wander right through the front doors into the temple. The dog obviously had no idea where he was headed, and no preconceived idea of what he might find inside.

The dog turns a corner, and sees another dog in there. He stops, hesitates, then wags his tail. The other dog wagged it's tail back at him. he starts to move towards the other dog, when he notices yet another dog inside. His tail is still wagging, and so is this new dog's tail, so he's starting to feel somewhat comfortable.

As he makes his way to meet up with his new buddies, the closer he gets, more dogs start to appear. Apparently there is a whole pack. The stray stops in his tracks again. The other dogs stop wagging their tails. The dog looks all around and realizes, he is surround by nearly a thousand other dogs.

He becomes afraid and growls to show his discomfort. A thousand dogs growled back at him.

The dog quickly was pushed into fight or flight mode, and seing as he was completely surrounded, he had really only one option. The fight was on.

The next morning as the guards were making their inspections, they discovered the outcome of the night's battle; one dead dog. Where had all of the others gone?

The temple was full of nothing but mirrors.

The world becomes what we project upon it. And I agree, so does trading.

The following 3 users say Thank You to GaryD for this post:
 
  #1843 (permalink)
Elite Member
UK London
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: NT and XTrader
Favorite Futures: Piano
 
Posts: 1,355 since Sep 2009
Thanks: 1,356 given, 1,551 received



Billbb View Post
Let me just share w/ you what I have discovered about fear. This has really help me over the past 2 weeks.

Its not out their, this really makes sense! What if that "fear" that u are feeling isnt fear? U just think its fear!

I know..it feels like fear cuz ur hands sweat ur heart beats, feeling in ur stomach validates it. Trust me, I know!

But "what if" that over powering feeling is "ENERGY" ? Energy that is so powerfull it scares he crap out you..haa haa Yeah... Think about that for a minute....

If u can harness that ENERGY and know its not FEAR You will control your emotions and see whats actually happening w/ PA and swing structure overall. That energy you will control, it wont control you and blind you until ur out of that trade & see it has it was, price action.

If u had an uncle that took that fear away, remember, fear is a lie, and ur uncle had an endless source of $$ so u have no concern but to win for the sake of winning and thats it! FEAR is not in your world, no room for it, better yet, no time for it!

Next time ur in a trade live and that "LIE" comes up..and it will! KNOW that it is actually total ENERGY! Knowledge is power, and that knowledge will empower you my friend. Everyone feels that sense of energy when we step outside ourselfs, whether its over a ledge, stepping on stage for the 80th time or 1st time, approaching a really hot chick, back in the day. That energy is our gift. When we are sipping coffee on our couches or just flipping thru charts were in our "comfort zone" its when we step out of that zone we feel it..ENERGY

Tell ur self & know you are experiencing energy and thats all it is, embrace it, welcome it, you are on the right track when you feel that energy. Believe this to be true and fear will fade. Fear is make belief.

CrazyBill

Hello Crazy Bill.

Yes indeed...I made the occassional post on that perspective that we aren't what we believe or think..
So I shan't labour that perspective, at the possible relief to some...

Suffice it to say, that I agree with you in that eveything is energy in one form or another,
and all be it that "comfort zones" or "thresholds" or "pushing the envelope" or "plateaus" are all expressions of the same or similar in giving a lable or name to a process of internal growth and that not until we are taken to see this, even via a small momentory glimps, or full on experience, can and will we begin to understand that things are not as we led ourleves to believe.

After all believes middle name is lie !

We are everything we care to imagine.

Getting to a place where we can manifest that imagination is really what this is all about on what ever level
but I tried to not go beyond a hint of the esoteric and avoided the realms of the existensial.

It probably resinates with what you posted about the future/past and present all being, in a sense, one of the same and how science, if you will, is learning this to be so perhaps.
Time itself may well be an illusion there for....but I digress.

This is GaryD's Journal after all.
Someone who has "performed" at what ever level financially and is trying to to attain a level of performance
in trading, a realm that is abscent our "normal" basis of opperations and conditions, for many reasons that have been touched on.

Because of this alone, we see how this trading realm is actually the realm of the individual and
abscent the "norms" we require a different (and for some a new) perspective with which to function and move forward.

At the end of the day it amounts to the same sense of the realization of our imagination via the realization of oursleves..

I might need a lie down...

Many thx and kind regards..

Every moment I wake up I realize I know nothing, and then I smile...
The following 2 users say Thank You to zt379 for this post:
 
  #1844 (permalink)
Trading for Fun
GrandRapids, Michigan
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Favorite Futures: Futures
 
Billbb's Avatar
 
Posts: 152 since Mar 2011
Thanks: 220 given, 72 received


GaryD View Post
I don't know if I really become "fearful", that may be the wrong word. I become protective, guarded, on high alert. I'll think about it for a few days and appreciate the perspective.


GaryD View Post
I have spent most of this Saturday morning studying my trading performance for the month of March. I have gone through various phases where I will want to know my performance numbers, and then not want to know them, believeing each direction gave me something that I needed at the time. An example of that is setting a daily monetary goal. Very bad idea for me, but I used to hae one. Or, focusing on percentage winning trades meanwhile missing the big picture.

Coinciding with the start of my daily change collection, I have decided to start a new grading system for my trading. NT performance reports contain some interesting information, but not exactly the way I want to see it. So I have exported information from my laptop and desktop, combined it in a spreadsheet, re-arranged it, added a couple calculations, removed the stuff I don't really care about.

More important to me than percentage wins, is how much did I make versus how much I lost, or "Profit Factor". I see that is some NT reporting, but it does not calculate on the Performance Summary tab, which is where I think it should be.

Another added ratio, is not the "average" win to loss ratio, but the largest win to largest loss for a given period. Different market conditions suggest varying ranges for this, but my goal is to always have my ultimate profit targets larger than my ultimate single loss.

Actually of possibly least importance to me is my win percentage. It has mostly to do with the number of times I will get in, get out, get back in, as I firm up my decision to participate in some trades. I may go +5, -3, +1, -2, -5, -2, +40 in the course of a trade. NT calculates that as 3 wins and 4 losses. I see it as one win. I was thinking about it, feeling it, changin my mind, then finally agreeing to commit. Sure it cost me 8x in commissions (a place where my trading could greatly improve), but when I do go for a winning trade, I could typicaly offset $50 per "trade", (not per entry), if I absolutely had to. But I could use some improvement there.

Anyway, one of the attached PDFs shows what my score summary looks like for the month just ended. I traded 80% single contracts, 20% two contracts, but the 2nd entry is more often than not just "trading positions", where I step back out of contract #1 early and then ride #2 for the move. So, despite the occasional 2nd entry, it is my version of one-contract trading.

After commissions, the amount does not really seem worth the time and the risk, and there is where the concern about the move to full time comes in. I will need to step up to greater size, eventually.

The second PDF attachment shows a breakout of trades where I was only in with one contract versus where I added-in / traded positions. Even though my add-in entry only accounted for 20% of my time in the market, it contributed more than 50% of my bottom line. That is slightly higher than the norm, but not unusual. (The separation of contracts was only exported on my desktop, so the numbers don't line up between attachments)

BTW, the way I track is just by changing my ATM bracket from 20/20 to 12/12 before I take the trade. When I am in one already, the switch in ATM has become second nature to me, just in case I do add. I used to have an ATM name for about 30 different setups so I could sort and analyze, see if divergence was better than breakouts, etc.

So effectively, my leverage comes twice as fast as I step up, and may explain more the fear I have been referencing lately. When I go up to 2 contracts as a "standard" entry, it really means, occasionally 4. 3 becomes 6, 5 becomes 10, 10 becomes 20, maybe only occassionally, but if I expect to keep the numbers I am obtaining I cannot remove that part of it.

I am looking for any feedback on the two performance summaries that might suggest where I am in the trading process. Not for a starting trader, obviously, but for a profitable one. Ignore the dollar amount, that is the easiest of all adjustments in trading. According to my broker's rules, I could make that much and more in a day!

I have no idea how many, or who even, but I know that there must be full-time profitable traders that have at least glanced at my journal a time or two. If you are one, how does this performance compare to yours or others who trade as their only source of income? I just typed earlier this morning about how my journal had been brought out into the light where other traders could see it. Why sit here and analyze myself all alone?

PM if you prefer. Thanks in advance.


Im presently not a profesional trader but my future self trades for other people, He gets 30% of what He makes for all of His clients, their all very happy w/ us sorta speak. Im patient, that future will become present & past and a new future will be created.

I cant get it to pull up? Wants to save it to a file. Order to give u a feed back. Let me tell u, You are ahead of me by leaps & bounds. Well, the present day me that is

Regards to ENERGY rather then FEAR, its a pretty helpfull concept to behold. I really love trading, and I know I can be good at it. Its all I do, even on week ends Im on sim feed now going back & forth writting & so forth. Im doing it w/ a splitting headache, wife made decaf this morning!! GODCrzybll

The following user says Thank You to Billbb for this post:
 
  #1845 (permalink)
Trading for Fun
GrandRapids, Michigan
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Favorite Futures: Futures
 
Billbb's Avatar
 
Posts: 152 since Mar 2011
Thanks: 220 given, 72 received


zt379 View Post
Hello Crazy Bill.

Yes indeed...I made the occassional post on that perspective that we aren't what we believe or think..
So I shan't labour that perspective, at the possible relief to some...

Suffice it to say, that I agree with you in that eveything is energy in one form or another,
and all be it that "comfort zones" or "thresholds" or "pushing the envelope" or "plateaus" are all expressions of the same or similar in giving a lable or name to a process of internal growth and that not until we are taken to see this, even via a small momentory glimps, or full on experience, can and will we begin to understand that things are not as we led ourleves to believe.

After all believes middle name is lie !

We are everything we care to imagine.

Getting to a place where we can manifest that imagination is really what this is all about on what ever level
but I tried to not go beyond a hint of the esoteric and avoided the realms of the existensial.

It probably resinates with what you posted about the future/past and present all being, in a sense, one of the same and how science, if you will, is learning this to be so perhaps.
Time itself may well be an illusion there for....but I digress.

This is GaryD's Journal after all.
Someone who has "performed" at what ever level financially and is trying to to attain a level of performance
in trading, a realm that is abscent our "normal" basis of opperations and conditions, for many reasons that have been touched on.

Because of this alone, we see how this trading realm is actually the realm of the individual and
abscent the "norms" we require a different (and for some a new) perspective with which to function and move forward.

At the end of the day it amounts to the same sense of the realization of our imagination via the realization of oursleves..

I might need a lie down...

Many thx and kind regards..

Well said well said, I appreciate everything, & where all you are coming from. It was a pleasure talking w/ you gentlemen today. Enjoy the rest of the week end.

Godspeed.

The following 3 users say Thank You to Billbb for this post:
 
  #1846 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


Billbb View Post
Im presently not a profesional trader but my future self trades for other people, He gets 30% of what He makes for all of His clients, their all very happy w/ us sorta speak. Im patient, that future will become present & past and a new future will be created.

I cant get it to pull up? Wants to save it to a file. Order to give u a feed back. Let me tell u, You are ahead of me by leaps & bounds. Well, the present day me that is

Regards to ENERGY rather then FEAR, its a pretty helpfull concept to behold. I really love trading, and I know I can be good at it. Its all I do, even on week ends Im on sim feed now going back & forth writting & so forth. Im doing it w/ a splitting headache, wife made decaf this morning!! GODCrzybll


It should be safe to save to your desktop and then open with Adobe Acrobat, but my computer allows me to just choose the "open" option. I am fanatical about virus software and computer maintenance.

Regarding your "future clients", 2% of AUM and 20% of profits over a benchmark and/or "high-water mark" seemed to be the standard when I looked into it. You must be planning to be one helluva trader!. Me too. lol!

The following user says Thank You to GaryD for this post:
 
  #1847 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


GaryD View Post
Coinciding with the start of my daily change collection, I have decided to start a new grading system for my trading. NT performance reports contain some interesting information, but not exactly the way I want to see it. So I have exported information from my laptop and desktop, combined it in a spreadsheet, re-arranged it, added a couple calculations, removed the stuff I don't really care about.

...........


Anyway, one of the attached PDFs shows what my score summary looks like for the month just ended. I traded 80% single contracts, 20% two contracts, but the 2nd entry is more often than not just "trading positions", where I step back out of contract #1 early and then ride #2 for the move. So, despite the occasional 2nd entry, it is my version of one-contract trading.

After commissions, the amount does not really seem worth the time and the risk, and there is where the concern about the move to full time comes in. I will need to step up to greater size, eventually.

The second PDF attachment shows a breakout of trades where I was only in with one contract versus where I added-in / traded positions. Even though my add-in entry only accounted for 20% of my time in the market, it contributed more than 50% of my bottom line. That is slightly higher than the norm, but not unusual. (The separation of contracts was only exported on my desktop, so the numbers don't line up between attachments)

....................


So effectively, my leverage comes twice as fast as I step up, and may explain more the fear I have been referencing lately. When I go up to 2 contracts as a "standard" entry, it really means, occasionally 4. 3 becomes 6, 5 becomes 10, 10 becomes 20, maybe only occassionally, but if I expect to keep the numbers I am obtaining I cannot remove that part of it.


2012. This will be a very interesting year for my trading. I have been at a point where I come out ahead more often than not for over 1 year now. My confidence comes in waves, cresting then subsiding, but each time setting a new highwater mark in my subconscious. While my account is not growing at any exponential rate yet, my beliefs as a trader seem to be solidifying at that pace.


The pieces I selected above from an earlier post were just left by quickly scanning through. It was too lengthy to want it re-written across this journal. I have a lot of issues to get still through when it comes to trading at a higher level of leverage.


Meanwhile, my long term plan that I posted weeks back is set up to require that my leverage remains somewhat constant. It does not need to be much bigger than where I am today, not this year. But I have set a goal for myself to have at least some leverage increase in the near future. My obssession with finding the best indicators and settings, the best support and resistance calculation, the best entries and exits...that obsession has locked onto a new target this year; To move to full time trading, and to begin to execute a plan that has been the foundation of my relentless pursuit of successful trading since day one.

I do not want incredible wealth today, or next year. I'm not really sure incredible wealth is a part of my goal. But I wanted to become good enough to make trading my new career, providing my required income and my retirement down the road.

I do have another career that is capable of that without question. At one time I had more than enough of a nest egg to live off dividends, if I chose. But I decided to go heavily into defining myself as a true real estate developer. I had the experience, the track record, the investors, the financing, the connections...and the market seemed ripe. I netted around $1M my last profitable year as a developer, took $400k and put it in as the first round of a staggered downpayment on a new retail ground-up, paid off the $440k equity line on my house to have as a cash cushion, put $325k into a 5%+/- CD to cross-collateralize a new ground-up beach front residential development, renovated the house I used to live in in downtown with about $200k cash and listed it at $1.1M... Had more than enough coming in to not worry about my $7k a month house payment and $1k a month utillity bills.

When the fall started, I was underway with several new projects, had a few hunderd thousand in the bank, plus my equity line, no credit card debt...by the end of 2010 I was upside down roughly $1M.

I am back into the same business again, much wiser, and starting to pick up speed. I know the things to do, know what it feels like, have no doubt as to whether I would be successful again. But the spark is gone. The passion is not there this time around. I found myself trapped in a quagmire of pride and ethics versus value implosion and non-existent liquidity. I saw first hand the other side of the lenders that previously were so eager to be on my team. I was lied to, stolen from, cut off. I was current on payments and told they were not interested, felt they were well protected with the amount of equity I had, end of conversation. I saw that real estate developing from scratch has a very long time horizon, and that with greater time comes greater uncertainty.

As my world imploded, I turned harder and harder to trading. It became my sanctuary. As my equity took a nosedive in my world outside trading, I believed in the value I was creating in my new direction. It was value in skills and training and mental conditioning, not in money. I saw the potential to work in an environment that held a similar promise to what I had been accustomed to, but had nothing to do with it.

Almost from day one, before I even lost my first trade, I was a revenge trader. I felt angry to be in search of a new career. I felt desparate to find one. And so my biggest problem from the start has been learning to have fear. What was there to be afraid of, losing money? "Ha! Done that and then some, is that all you got?"

Tenacity is a funny beast. It can be asset and liability, for eternity.

So now, as I am seeing that I am getting closer and closer to the realization of a goal that I have sweat blood for, I find myself in a state of confusion. I am so ready to take the next step, the anticipation, the longing...but I need to be certain that I have tamed myself enough to not lose sight of all the lessons learned over the past several years.

The pig has become my countdown. This month I started a new physical health regimen, including more biking, more cardio, more supplements. Yesterday I started a whole body cleanse with detox teas, herbs, gallons of distilled water. I am eliminating alcohol entirely for my cleanse, no dairy, no fried foods. Carrot sticks, hummus, and flax milk was last night's dinner.

My training has turned the crosshairs on psychology. I find myself getting up to type something here more and more. I took the spreadsheets I exported for March and made another page where there is a variable of "standard contracts" at the top, and the performance dollars re-create themselves as if I traded any other version of first and second entry. This play on numbers is something I had not considered before this morning, but it is similar to backtesting. I am looking at what the month would have been had I traded 2 and 2, or 5 and 5. I went through every day, every drawdown, every win, and tried to "feel" what that was like. I am going to continue that study, and add other similar visualization techniques this month, to start a repetition in my subconscious before the reality begins.


Last edited by GaryD; April 1st, 2012 at 11:25 AM. Reason: typos
The following 16 users say Thank You to GaryD for this post:
 
  #1848 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received


zt379 View Post
Hi GaryD

If I may talk about things from my own perspective...


Kind regards


ZT, your perspective throughout this journal has been a welcome addition. Your posts typically set the wheels turning in my head. I appreciate your support.

The following user says Thank You to GaryD for this post:
 
  #1849 (permalink)
Elite Member
UK London
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: NT and XTrader
Favorite Futures: Piano
 
Posts: 1,355 since Sep 2009
Thanks: 1,356 given, 1,551 received


GaryD View Post
2012. This will be a very interesting year for my trading. I have been at a point where I come out ahead more often than not for over 1 year now. My confidence comes in waves, cresting then subsiding, but each time setting a new highwater mark in my subconscious. While my account is not growing at any exponential rate yet, my beliefs as a trader seem to be solidifying at that pace.


The pieces I selected above from an earlier post were just left by quickly scanning through. It was too lengthy to want it re-written across this journal. I have a lot of issues to get still through when it comes to trading at a higher level of leverage.


Meanwhile, my long term plan that I posted weeks back is set up to require that my leverage remains somewhat constant. It does not need to be much bigger than where I am today, not this year. But I have set a goal for myself to have at least some leverage increase in the near future. My obssession with finding the best indicators and settings, the best support and resistance calculation, the best entries and exits...that obsession has locked onto a new target this year; To move to full time trading, and to begin to execute a plan that has been the foundation of my relentless pursuit of successful trading since day one.

I do not want incredible wealth today, or next year. I'm not really sure incredible wealth is a part of my goal. But I wanted to become good enough to make trading my new career, providing my required income and my retirement down the road.

I do have another career that is capable of that without question. At one time I had more than enough of a nest egg to live off dividends, if I chose. But I decided to go heavily into defining myself as a true real estate developer. I had the experience, the track record, the investors, the financing, the connections...and the market seemed ripe. I netted around $1M my last profitable year as a developer, took $400k and put it in as the first round of a staggered downpayment on a new retail ground-up, paid off the $440k equity line on my house to have as a cash cushion, put $325k into a 5%+/- CD to cross-collateralize a new ground-up beach front residential development, renovated the house I used to live in in downtown with about $200k cash and listed it at $1.1M... Had more than enough coming in to not worry about my $7k a month house payment and $1k a month utillity bills.

When the fall started, I was underway with several new projects, had a few hunderd thousand in the bank, plus my equity line, no credit card debt...by the end of 2010 I was upside down roughly $1M.

I am back into the same business again, much wiser, and starting to pick up speed. I know the things to do, know what it feels like, have no doubt as to whether I would be successful again. But the spark is gone. The passion is not there this time around. I found myself trapped in a quagmire of pride and ethics versus value implosion and non-existent liquidity. I saw first hand the other side of the lenders that previously were so eager to be on my team. I was lied to, stolen from, cut off. I was current on payments and told they were not interested, felt they were well protected with the amount of equity I had, end of conversation. I saw that real estate developing from scratch has a very long time horizon, and that with greater time comes greater uncertainty.

As my world imploded, I turned harder and harder to trading. It became my sanctuary. As my equity took a nosedive in my world outside trading, I believed in the value I was creating in my new direction. It was value in skills and training and mental conditioning, not in money. I saw the potential to work in an environment that held a similar promise to what I had been accustomed to, but had nothing to do with it.

Almost from day one, before I even lost my first trade, I was a revenge trader. I felt angry to be in search of a new career. I felt desparate to find one. And so my biggest problem from the start has been learning to have fear. What was there to be afraid of, losing money? "Ha! Done that and then some, is that all you got?"

Tenacity is a funny beast. It can be asset and liability, for eternity.

So now, as I am seeing that I am getting closer and closer to the realization of a goal that I have sweat blood for, I find myself in a state of confusion. I am so ready to take the next step, the anticipation, the longing...but I need to be certain that I have tamed myself enough to not lose sight of all the lessons learned over the past several years.

The pig has become my countdown. This month I started a new physical health regimen, including more biking, more cardio, more supplements. Yesterday I started a whole body cleanse with detox teas, herbs, gallons of distilled water. I am eliminating alcohol entirely for my cleanse, no dairy, no fried foods. Carrot sticks, hummus, and flax milk was last night's dinner.

My training has turned the crosshairs on psychology. I find myself getting up to type something here more and more. I took the spreadsheets I exported for March and made another page where there is a variable of "standard contracts" at the top, and the performance dollars re-create themselves as if I traded any other version of first and second entry. This play on numbers is something I had not considered before this morning, but it is similar to backtesting. I am looking at what the month would have been had I traded 2 and 2, or 5 and 5. I went through every day, every drawdown, every win, and tried to "feel" what that was like. I am going to continue that study, and add other similar visualization techniques this month, to start a repetition in my subconscious before the reality begins.


GaryD View Post
ZT, your perspective throughout this journal has been a welcome addition. Your posts typically set the wheels turning in my head. I appreciate your support.


GaryD.
I am pleased anything I might have said has been of any use. Thx.

Crazy Bill reminded us that life is energy.
Something that never dies but just gets transformed !

There is life in this thread, this Journal is an expression (to what ever degree) of your life.

I was drawn to initially post in your Journal, by a sense of sincerity, and I used that very word.
I didn't fully understand why I sensed that at the time. I could have been wrong.

There is an energy now to these posts, I feel it, but again I might be wrong.
I might be way off base as to what I think I understand of and from you, some one I have never met and can't assume to know.

But haven't we all watched those sole crossings of an ocean or the climbing of a mountain or some such "doing" by another that we ourselves "feel" ?

One way or another we are all reflections of each others journeys.
However, here, it is about your "doing".

I am reminded of some quotes from a Constance Brown book:
"Our visions are the blueprints of our reality"

"If I ever stop to think about what the ball will do after it hits my hand, I might srew up the whole process"

" Try not.
Do.
Or not do.
There is no try"


If I may, from what you wrote above:

"So now, as I am seeing that I am getting closer and closer to the realization of a goal that I have sweat blood for, I find myself in a state of confusion. I am so ready to take the next step, the anticipation, the longing...but I need to be certain that I have tamed myself enough to not lose sight of all the lessons learned over the past several years."

and at the risk of appearing to be blunt or intrusive (or sounding like your mother lol), none of which I intend,
I would like to merely pose a question for you :-

What, specifically, are you confused about and what is it within you that is wild, that you need certainty has been tamed ?

kind regards

Every moment I wake up I realize I know nothing, and then I smile...

Last edited by zt379; April 1st, 2012 at 01:45 PM.
The following 4 users say Thank You to zt379 for this post:
 
  #1850 (permalink)
User requested to be banned
Orlando, Florida
 
Futures Experience: None
Platform: shoes
Favorite Futures: happy
 
GaryD's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,462 since May 2011
Thanks: 2,090 given, 5,026 received



Big Mike View Post
Congratulations on your journal!



In the spirit of our March Trading Journal contest, I am asking everyone to spend a few minutes and share their journaling experience.

A) What are the top five benefits you have seen as a result of regularly posting in this journal?

I've got an add to this.

It is the experience of so many other traders being continually added to my journal, the side discussions that occur by PM or email or Skype where the journal topics sometimes continue, or take new directions. The sharing and caring, the thought provoking that occurs. There are so many traders who have taught me at least something, even if by accident, just by participating in what would otherwise be a solo conversation. The list is long, but here are a few who come to mind as being influential recently;

@zt379
@Deucalion
@researcher247
@Big_Mike
@dorschden


I saw my name mentioned in someone else's journal as having helped them, and it felt good. I figured, why not pass it on.

The following 2 users say Thank You to GaryD for this post:

Closed Thread



futures io > > > Catching Big Waves - a trader's journal of surfing the the markets

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Upcoming Webinars and Events (4:30PM ET unless noted)

Linda Bradford Raschke: Reading The Tape

Elite only

Adam Grimes: TBA

Elite only

NinjaTrader: TBA

January

Ran Aroussi: TBA

Elite only
     

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Surfing and Trading shodson Psychology and Money Management 14 September 28th, 2015 01:26 PM
Little League to the Big Leagues - Journal of a simple trader rtrade Elite Trading Journals 142 July 23rd, 2011 05:22 PM
Trader 11 Journal greggdd Trading Journals 15 March 18th, 2011 12:53 AM
New Beginnings: The Journal of a Trader's Journey to Equanimity plethora Trading Journals 122 March 5th, 2011 11:13 PM
Rookie Future Trader Alex's Trading Journal alex123 Elite Trading Journals 69 June 20th, 2010 04:14 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:20 PM.

Copyright © 2017 by futures io, s.a., Av Ricardo J. Alfaro, Century Tower, Panama, +507 833-9432, info@futures.io
All information is for educational use only and is not investment advice.
There is a substantial risk of loss in trading commodity futures, stocks, options and foreign exchange products. Past performance is not indicative of future results.
no new posts
Page generated 2017-12-10 in 0.28 seconds with 20 queries on phoenix via your IP 54.221.73.186