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Life sacrifice loneliness trading futures

  #41 (permalink)
soumen
Dhaka Bangladesh
 
Posts: 50 since Sep 2018
Thanks Given: 6
Thanks Received: 24

This is very risky what you are attempting to do. I follow the market myself and consider myself quite good and still I often find myself getting amazed how market reacts and makes me second guess myself (although I must admit it happens rarely). Money is not everything. Trading is a skill and though I mastered it but I find myself the mysteries of life perplexes me so much and overwhelms me that I am constantly busy trying to deal with life issues. You need to get your life together and generate a regular source of income. trading is not good idea because reading from your post it will be losing proposition for you. Besides, You are not Warren Buffet with big hoard of cash and 20-30 years on your hand so that you can smooth out all the ups and downs of a chart and ultimately it would look like one straight line up. I respect the guy just don't like the idea of smoothing out all the waves in a chart. The other day I was reading an article Robert De Niro and his restaurant biz having hard times during pandemic. Just imagine you are not part of any asset and going thru the pain lot of biz owners are going thru right now. Consider yourself lucky and start something, a job sounds good. As for myself I am a born trader moving with the wind. Its not possible to do by any human being. Here is a technique you can do. The other day I was reading a news article commenting on a reddit blogger who made big trading options. I don't believe it. Options are scam but that trader said something I liked. He said stay in cash most of the time. For novice traders this might work out. Wait for a sure thing and hit it and then wait for another opportunity. You may have to wait months but its worth the wait as long as you don't lose any money. Good luck.
PS: Sun Zu said a war is lost or won before a single bullet is fired. Believe it. Basically don't go into a war unless you know the outcome. Why do you think US can bully pretty much any country in the world and can get away with murder? Its because they know they can win it and all that power under the wrong hands is dangerous like war hawk Hillary Clinton.

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  #42 (permalink)
 prosaic 
Singapore
 
Experience: None
Posts: 6 since Mar 2020
Thanks Given: 0
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You have listed the worst possible things that can happen if you are not successful.
Can you accept them?

If yes, then just do it!
Self-doubt is normal and is something you will have to learn to deal with.

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  #43 (permalink)
Christophe Merten
Alsterbro
 
Posts: 1 since Nov 2015
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zetsurin View Post
Is it worth it for me to continue this dream?(long post, non technical related question)

For anyone/trader who will take the time to read my experience, I appreciate it as this is the first time I share my personal life on the internet because I am depressed.

Should I continue trading and chasing the million dollar dream?
I grew up with a trader father, and all I ever heard from his mouth growing up was money, and the markets. He was rich and went broke when I was 8 years old. He was so confident in his skills that he was sure he would someday bring us back to the more comfortable side of life. Naturally, hearing nothing but trading, combined with growing up living in poverty and immense stress for a teenager, I decided then, I would do it for myself because I don't belong in this impoverished neighbourhood. Fast foward from the space of age(25-30) I have made every single sacrifice possible to save money and keep retrying. I lived in the hood, I never bought a car, I finished university but still decided to work only night jobs to be available for the volatile mornings. I havent gotten a girlfriend because I dont have confidence that I wont let a family go through what I went through, even though I am desperately lonely. All that just to maximize my savings in order to keep funding an account. I havent lost much, but I haven't made much gains either so far. At age 31, I have no friends(close friends), no confidence to build a network( I dont even have a car), no girlfriend obviously, when I look in the mirror, I am decent looking, and healthy, and good with women. But why am I in this predicament.. that eats me away. My father is sick, and gave up his confidence in trading. I have my trading method, but my motivation is 20% of what it was 4 years ago. Mainly due to my age, and the desperate desire to have human relationships (Even though I tell myself its sacrifice, it's mostly shame of my living environment).

Please share your opinions, should I keep trying until I am 40? I have 30000 ish in savings, buying a house in cash and creating a happy family is a dream I share with many people. However, I don't know how risky it is to devote my next decade to hardcore trading. I might end up in the same situation, or slightly better by 40 if I do pursue this. If I quit, I probably will have to join the debt prison and take out loans like people to start a life. In return, I have someone to hug, but I will never be wealthy. I am confident in my trading skills over the long haul, the P&L will be positive and continue to magnify, but currently, I am 31, and alone, with a sense of regret of the people I sacrificed to do this. Because I haven't succeeded.

Please share your thoughts if you were in my shoes, would you keep chasing this million dollar dream. I can't express my gratitude for those of you who spared your time to read. Thanks


Hi, If you realy want this you should join a top prop firm like SMB capital or Axia futures. They are on top of everything from software, psych support , coaching , other succesful traders, playbooks with edge... Don´t try to figure out this by yourself, life is too short and there are other ways to make a living Best regards, Christophe Mertens

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  #44 (permalink)
 
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 forgiven 
Fletcher NC
Market Wizard
 
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nothing is worth what your experiencing. join the church , get a job, and get a real life. trading is just a job. would you stay on any other job that does not pay good and makes you miserable ?

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  #45 (permalink)
 GeoTrader86 
Nashville, TN/USA
 
Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Trading: ZN, ES
Posts: 88 since Mar 2017
Thanks Given: 22
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Lots of good replies here. Congratulations on sharing the truth about how you feel and what you’re going through! It’s not easy to admit these things, even anonymously to a bunch of internet strangers.

You plainly stated that you are depressed. You’re unhappy. You have emotional scars from a challenging childhood. You are convinced that you must either choose between being wealthy or having meaningful relationships, both of which you crave.

Whatever you decide to do, it is extremely unlikely that you will find the type of success you seek (monetarily or relationally) until you address your depression and sort through all the things that you’re telling yourself about yourself, many of which are likely untrue. I can tell you from personal experience that few people who are seriously depressed are able to accomplish this task alone. It takes an outside and impartial person to enable us to sift through the muck when we are really bogged down.

I would like to strongly urge you to talk to some type of professional or spiritual counselor.

In my opinion, depression (for most people) is a sign that there are conditions/situations/modes of thinking that are present in our life that are detracting from our well being. We can’t just wish to be different or more successful. If you want a different life than you have, if you want things that you’ve never had before, you will probably have to do things that you’ve never done before. Things that will be uncomfortable and that your first instinct will be to resist.

The truth is that depression can be deadly. We’ve all heard stories of traders who have killed themselves. This endeavor can really grind you down.

“I don’t know how risky it is to devote my next decade to hardcore trading.” It is extremely risky. Probably the most risky thing you can do! Seriously!

One last thing I’ll share then I’ll get off the soapbox. I’ve found that I’m not a great judge of what will make me happy. I think “once I get xyz, then life will be awesome and I’ll be satisfied.” Once you get there, life feels like it always did before.

A few things that have helped me:
1. Talking with a qualified person about what’s going on with me.
2. Identify the things (situations/ideas) that are making me unhappy and to focus on removing/alleviating them.
3. Find a way to help others in any way. Volunteer at a cause that interests you. It’s the best way to get out of my head.

If I can be honest with myself about what’s going on, remove the things that are causing unhappiness, and get out of my head, I can be ok with the way things are. Get there, work to stay there as much as you can, and happiness will occur spontaneously!

Best of luck to you!

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  #46 (permalink)
 minskee 
Sydney, Australia
 
Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Trading: Currency Futures
Posts: 10 since May 2015
Thanks Given: 28
Thanks Received: 15


zetsurin View Post
Is it worth it for me to continue this dream?(long post, non technical related question)

For anyone/trader who will take the time to read my experience, I appreciate it as this is the first time I share my personal life on the internet because I am depressed.

Should I continue trading and chasing the million dollar dream?
I grew up with a trader father, and all I ever heard from his mouth growing up was money, and the markets. He was rich and went broke when I was 8 years old. He was so confident in his skills that he was sure he would someday bring us back to the more comfortable side of life. Naturally, hearing nothing but trading, combined with growing up living in poverty and immense stress for a teenager, I decided then, I would do it for myself because I don't belong in this impoverished neighbourhood. Fast foward from the space of age(25-30) I have made every single sacrifice possible to save money and keep retrying. I lived in the hood, I never bought a car, I finished university but still decided to work only night jobs to be available for the volatile mornings. I havent gotten a girlfriend because I dont have confidence that I wont let a family go through what I went through, even though I am desperately lonely. All that just to maximize my savings in order to keep funding an account. I havent lost much, but I haven't made much gains either so far. At age 31, I have no friends(close friends), no confidence to build a network( I dont even have a car), no girlfriend obviously, when I look in the mirror, I am decent looking, and healthy, and good with women. But why am I in this predicament.. that eats me away. My father is sick, and gave up his confidence in trading. I have my trading method, but my motivation is 20% of what it was 4 years ago. Mainly due to my age, and the desperate desire to have human relationships (Even though I tell myself its sacrifice, it's mostly shame of my living environment).

Please share your opinions, should I keep trying until I am 40? I have 30000 ish in savings, buying a house in cash and creating a happy family is a dream I share with many people. However, I don't know how risky it is to devote my next decade to hardcore trading. I might end up in the same situation, or slightly better by 40 if I do pursue this. If I quit, I probably will have to join the debt prison and take out loans like people to start a life. In return, I have someone to hug, but I will never be wealthy. I am confident in my trading skills over the long haul, the P&L will be positive and continue to magnify, but currently, I am 31, and alone, with a sense of regret of the people I sacrificed to do this. Because I haven't succeeded.

Please share your thoughts if you were in my shoes, would you keep chasing this million dollar dream. I can't express my gratitude for those of you who spared your time to read. Thanks

Sorry I haven’t read through the comments but your initial post was in my email inbox. I’m working night shift at the moment and will go through this entire post in the coming days.

Is it worth it for me to continue this dream? : Ultimately only you can answer.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I will share with you mine.

I grew up in a broken house hold, father left before I was born and mum was incompetent. I also grew up in poverty. When I was 18 I turned a $25,000 into $50,000 and thought I was awesome, and lost it all in the 2008 GFC. I didn’t even finish high school the Australian Army gave me an education in paramedicine and nursing I cherish dearly. I went through a venture of trying to push myself to trade the US markets at night here in AUS, the grind starts at 1am. Then I would go to work underperform and lose more money at night. I made a lot of money playing poker in the tens of thousands but lost so much more trading. I’m fantastic with women but failed to go through when the relationships get deeper because I’m insecure I’ll fuck up like my Dad. I’m kind of lonely but that’s due to covid-19. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been with a lot of beautiful women, (thanks to pick up artist community) I’m a regular 5”7 Asian guy dating the hottest Europeans but can’t seem to keep them LOL. I have no money to be able to ask them to marry me and stay in Australia this eats me up. I have disowned both my parents, and although I don’t endorse taking drugs (I’m currently working as a mental health nurse). I was so desperate and took psychedelics particularly LSD and DMT because I heard it would enhance me the way it’s enhanced all these Silicon Valley execs. It’s changed my life and I’ve never felt depression ever again, even when nothing is going right. There’s a part of my soul has a sense of deep optimism. And I’ve decided to use my department of veteran affairs benefits to see a performance psychologist. I’ve also stopped playing video games and spent the time reading more self-help and watching inspirational TED talks.

Since I was a ghetto kid and dropped out of school, I have decided to study mathematics and complete my bachelor of artificial intelligence. So in 4-years time I can apply to a proprietary trading firm here In Australia or in Europe and show them I have tangible skills in this rapidly developing world. To be honest some firms here were willing to give me a shot several years earlier for my poker + computer gaming abilities, human instinct and never quit attitude but I was in the Army and had to complete my contract for an honourable discharge. I have decided to delay gratification study programming then pursue my dreams as a trader. With a bachelor of artificial intelligence I can apply for both discretionary and or quant firm.

Right now I'm doing math equations while my patients are sleeping, It's a long road but I tell myself one question at a time, just like I was running 10-15km's per day in the Army. One step at time - focus on breathing. I feel blessed even though I’m nowhere near where I want to be. All my friends in high school are in prison, and I’ve had the opportunity to save many lives and make a difference. Now it’s time to focus on me.

I must add, maybe I'm glad I didn't make millions in my 20's I was probably too immature to handle all the money. I would of probably blown it all on cocaine and strippers like I did my poker winnings. I was neurotic AF, I'm sure with some previous un-diagnosed bipolar. But nowadays I meditate everyday and have a healthy sleep schedule.

I hope you and I can talk more personally one day.
Warm regards,
Charlie

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  #47 (permalink)
 minskee 
Sydney, Australia
 
Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Trading: Currency Futures
Posts: 10 since May 2015
Thanks Given: 28
Thanks Received: 15

Thank you to everyone for posting their 2 cents. Very thoughtful and generous!
Last post was about my life story this time I'll give my two cents.

With $30,000 have you thought about taking some time off to travel? after this pandemic is over of course.
Connecting with backpackers could be a life changing experience, time doesn't matter, work doesn't matter just experiences and human connections. You could make some life long friends, find a lover or even be re-inspired to do the things you have always wanted to do. Some of my German friends did the entire East Coast of Australia on as little as $7000 AUD, if you want bang for buck go to South East Asia, you could probably do 6 months on that much money. Make some friends along the way and journey together.

I've certainly been able to change some travellers lives. They have a child like curiosity and moment to moment way of being. Even showing them around Australia was fun and trivial, all the things the locals take for granted. Meanwhile everyone in Sydney and Melbourne is stuck in the rat race, trying to pay off a $500,000 mortgage studying whilst working two jobs, don't make time to have fun and just enjoy life a little.

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  #48 (permalink)
 roztom 
Chicago, IL. USA
 
Experience: Advanced
Platform: IRT, Bookmap
Broker: Rithmic MBO Data
Trading: ES/NQ/Volume Profile
Posts: 42 since Oct 2011
Thanks Given: 24
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Why not create financial security with a "job" and then trade Globex? You can still trade but reduce/eliminate the psychological pressure and allow yourself flexibility and a "life."

There are many different jobs - some have flexible hours, some you can work from home and others are more structured. The key is to design a life that allows room for your passion for trading but does not exclude you meeting your basic needs and financial security... IMHO.

Tom

Regards,

Tom

Trading Is A Journey of Self-Discovery, Not A Destination.
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  #49 (permalink)
 
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 Nolaughingmatter 
San Francisco
 
Experience: Beginner
Platform: Thinkorswim
Trading: NQ
Posts: 46 since Jun 2020
Thanks Given: 63
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zetsurin View Post
Thank you all very much, I have read through every single comment many times over. I never expected this many support, I was not expecting anything other than 2 short comments along the lines: that sucks. Although I am alone now, my mental state is less lonely than a week ago, thank you. I'm going to vent here as an outlet, please don't spend your precious time to read unless you want to. Its only venting.

It is true I have been living my fathers life, and as a son, it is natural I wouldve wanted to pursue my fathers "job". He chose this job because he never graduated high school, so he was unemployable. Before he went broke, we lived in big house, with two black mercedes. After one was stolen, he just buys another one because he thinks he has money. His life was filled with women alcohol and cigarettes. Most importantly, arrogance towards others, even family. Which is why today, I have 0 family besides him(including my mother and younger brother)

Although I grew up just wanting a normal life, there was increasing resentment. Because after he went broke, he didn't even know how to process any government applications, look for a job. At age 18 years old, he in his 50s would ask me what are we gonna do for rent? Solving money issues while taking insults from him growing up was the norm, and he took that patten for granted. When things were at its worst, I was looking for $250/room, roommate apartments on student forums, so we can have a place to move fast. There are countless hardships I'd rather not list, but basically, Survival>embarrassment. During this time, all he talked about was still trading and big numbers. The delusion he instilled in me pushed me away from the conventional mindset, however, it made me obsessed to get out of this hellhole. Upon trading at 25, I had an unparalleled work ethic, unparalleled determination, thirst of knowledge and I say this with confidence, however unlike any other job, even that doesnt guarantee success. At the time, I wished I had a successful trader to take my as an apprentice, I wouldve done anything for such a figure. Making money and being lavish was never my objective. All I wanted when I was a kid was love because I never received any or had anyone to give mine too. My first and only girlfriend was constantly comparing me to other guys, until she cheated. l believed without money, every family relationship will crumble if I, as a man cannot give the “stress free life”. Therefore, I became obsessed to succeed, for the sole reason of “having a forever lasting loving family”.

Thus far, I have experienced every emotion trading, until I became immune to depleting balances. I always start with 2000, and bring it up to 15000, and wipe out. I lost around 20000 so far, separately. This repeated for 4 years until last year, I accepted the fact this is going to take 10-20 years instead of 3. Then I started building my systematic method that doesnt involve emotion, and is executed the exact same way, everyday, only once. Then my p&l became positive. However I am not trading currently, because of the covid market conditions. I am very good at money management, because I grew up surviving. That's why I simply don't have the courage to take on anything that costs me money unless I can overly afford it. That includes getting a girlfriend, a car, or any recurring payments. I am a living example of cash hoarder with 0 assets.. my mental state right now, you are all aware. The road ahead is complicated, thank you all.

Based on what you said you are still very accomplished.I know plenty of people with simple jobs who have been able to accumulate savings because they lived below their means. I know people, including your father and my father, who had money but didn't know how to keep it or grow it. This is something you can do, so you're ahead of so many people. Keep using your work ethic for self-improvement and education. There's more to learn in trading and everything else that enhances the quality of your life.

After seeing the comments on this forum, I can say the people here are nice. If you bared your soul the way you have in other online "communities," they would rip you apart. Just as they did with me and so many others. So this is a good place to ask for help.

When you're busy improving yourself, you won't feel lonely. Love and a life partner are very special and rare, so don't wait for this person before you start living and fighting for your dreams.

Here's an inspiring video from the "world's poorest president" Jose Mujica, former president of Uruguay.


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  #50 (permalink)
Hemm
Laguna, CA/ USA
 
Posts: 2 since Oct 2018
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From reading your note, I do not believe that you currently are in the right mindset to succeed as a trader. Additionally, your account is too small. Trading with scared money is a losing game. A friend of mine was in the same boat several years ago. He gave up on full time trading, and got a full time JOB. After he did this, things started coming together for him. After he built up his nest egg, he started trading part time. In this capacity, he has finally become profitable. He is no longer dealing with scared money, and he does not have to count on trading profits for his rent and food. He has also regained his life and appears to be much happier. He has switched from being a day trader to a swing trader. I think that with these changes, he has saved his dream of becoming a trader. In fact, I would not be surprised to see him being a full time swing trader in a couple of years.

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