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That's how my results in the MES look like since I started to trade my method:
img_0077
and I start to realize that it's not just the market conditions that have changed, my mindset also slowly shifted.
When I started, I had no expectations at all and was very surprised how well it worked. I sized up to two contracts and it still worked. I calculated the money I could make with 3 contracts in a month if it goes on like that and I know that this would be a psychologically important amount for me. This was at the top of the graph.
I got upset that in week 4 there came no huge trend and that I started to lose all the money I made with 1 and 2 contracts with my 3 contract losses. But week 4 is really just a healthy pullback for that spike at the end of week 3.
Now we're in week 5 and desperation starts to set in like "I need a huge trade to go at least even with my 3 contract losses", maybe then I size back down to 2.
My trade frequency also got way up especially this week.
From the very least of 6 trades per week to an average week of 11 trades to this week 17 trades in just 4 days.
I'm also not capable anymore of being in the now of trading.
Trade #70 - #75 were mostly a result of some "exessive dump" I've seen this week which stuck in my mind and made me resentful of not being in it, telling me "You don't make money going long anymore so you gotta short the hell out of the market"
Trade #69 was a 100% produced by missing the runup at the same time in the evening on the day before
Trade#64 & #65 were trying to force that quick runup after the dump from April 29th onto the market and I had such a hard fight, that I wasn't capable of perceiving the uptrend later that day anymore, which potentially could have given me a few points. This resentment was the reason for Trade #69
Yesterday I did so much shit that I was so out of my mind, that there was no way of even having the chance of catching some of the uptrend which again started in the evening.
I'm so full of regret of missing past moves and of fomo, that this is exactly what I'm getting.
Also in the beginning I saw it pretty casual of when being in front of the computer and lately I'm so glued to the screen that I'm hardly able to even drive to the grocery store for buying some food, not even thinking of going for a run where I'm away for 2 hours.
I have to go back to a more relaxed, not fearful, not resentful, not money-demanding, in the present state of mind.
I'll size back down to 2 contracts and limit myself to a max of 3 trades per day. Also am I forbidding myself to eat my lunch in front of the screen.
The market and money is great, but I should not enslave myself!
I do have some advice. All psychology. I have to go now but will write later.
I think your journal is going to be your best friend and if you can go back and really reread with fresh eyes how far you've come it might help your spirit a bit.
Ive been reading and recommending this book. Theres NOTHING like it out there.
I've briefly noticed that book a few days ago and I definitely will look into it, even though when it comes to such systems like he describes it, that almost sound too good to be true, I became very sceptical in the last years. But I'll give it a shot after I've finished my current book.
It's in general amazing how you can read the same book you've read when you started with trading, now and get an entirely different message from it.
Slowly I really think that can't be coincidences anymore. Was so sick of yesterday's trades and my addiction of observing the market 12hours a day, that I slept longer today, focused on working through all of the previous days shit and hardly looked at the MES until noon. Even was at the shopping mall and took the long way home. Then I was so tired that I went to sleep and set my alarm for 1/2 hour before the cash-open, and thought the market should do whatever it does, I don't care.
Thought that I make a trade with just 2 contracts if I see an opportunity and if not then not and that's also okay. Saw what I perceived as an opportunity and it worked out.
It wasn't that monster trade the greedy part of me was hoping for, but that's totally fine. Nevertheless I closed the chart immediately after I got stopped out, because seeing that thing going still higher would be too much for my slightly impaired mental state.
I would like to be honest but please don't misunderstand. I am going through this as well as we all are.
I am no better or worse it's just easier to see from an outside perspective.
You seem to be really attaching ego to your trades. As in, you made a trade and your decision whether or not it was a good trade was whether it won or not.
I think thats a very stressful way to trade. Leading to worse results.
If you knew going into it that you could truly hit your stop on any trade as its always just a distribution of wins and losses then 10 losses in a row could be VERY frustrating but STILL not become personal.
I know thats easier said then done but if every loser adds a little more frustration a little more anger eventually you'll get so frustrated that your almost guaranteed to do something to severely damage your account.
Or you'll cut cut cut for loss loss loss then grab a few ticks here to ease the pain and discomfort thus fueling the fire!
It's a crappy situation.
Now everything aside. I recommend that book as it literally has mental strategies for incorporating right into the fabric of your trading experiences.
Ok so for all practical purposes. Try this as an exercise.
Go through your trades in the last few weeks and just look at how many loosers you could have avoided had you had NO STOP IN PLACE and only wanted to break even on the trade.
***this is ONLY a thought experiment to show yourself that YOU are the reason your loosing. And it's emotional decision making at the core.
Now how many of those trades, as a number or a percentage, had you had the patience and waited until they came back and let you out at least at breakeven?
You might be shocked to find it's NOT your entires. It's about how, where and WHY you EXITED.
Live of course this all presupposes the use of PROPER risk management, (not just stops as thats only ONE piece of the puzzle), position sizing and context. But this is just an experiment.
Also. If you are getting frustrated (as we ALL do) its yourself telling yourself somethings not quite right.
Your body is sending you signals via cortisol, adrenaline, noradrenaline, ect that we feel as stress and then we take those signals to make bad decisions as it would be impossible to do otherwise.
It's like when we first start learning to drive. We don't know what we don't know and are in panic mode as we learn. Almost causing accidents only because we are so stressed and overreacting.
After a few years of driving you know what NOT to pay attention to add have much more focusing ability because you know what to look for thats out of the ordinary and everything else is on auto pilot.
That's where we want to be. Comfortable... but fully aware of the dangers as one slip up and it could ruin the lives of us and others. Same with trading.
(Funny thing about the driving analogy. As you first learn to drive (trade) it would more analogous to say that it would be more like driving a Ferrari with the gas pedal nailed down and no brakes and no seatbelts and you just had to learn to drive like that starting with no experience driving at all. Lol)
Sorry so long but do go and try that exercise. You'll see emotions made you exit alot of those trades before they DID eventually come back.
I've looked into that for the previous 23 losses, basically since my losing streak began. They came all back sooner or later and pretty evenly distributed. About half of them came back within 10 Ticks, some took a bit more, BUT there was one that took 87 Ticks and one that would have been exactly that out of control loss that destroys people with 290 Ticks and took 2 days to come back.
My exits are always determined by the chart, so I have no profitgoal for a trade.
What I'm aiming at is pretty much being on the right side if one of those out of control moves occur and stay in as long as possible.
I'm not sure if I'm getting at where you're pointing at or it doesn't apply for my method?!
Also I couldn't make my stops wider and still trade in the same time-frame. That wouldn't work with my logic how to handle them when in a trade.
Like I see it, the problem I have to work on is interpreting/perceiving the big picture more objective, so that I don't enter into too much crap-trades.
The big picture tells me if I should enter and what direction and the small picture where exactly and how to handle my stop.
It was ONLY a thought experiment to show the difference from where you ACTUALLY exited with all the feelings and thoughts and reasons for exiting AT THAT MOMENT compared to the ENDLESS possibilities that were AVAILABLE until the decision was made to close FINALIZING into stone that trade.
This is ONLY to shift your THINKING from "I entered here, exited there, look what an idiot!"
...To...
OK I can now see that there was infinitely MORE possibilities then what I could see when I closed the trade.
Once you do this a few hundred times what you find happens is when your panicking or ready to exit at a loss BECAUSE THE STRESS IN YOUR BODY IS THE SIGNAL YOUR USING TO EXIT you can remember more easily the infinite possibilities that may lie ahead and maybe manage out of your exit better.
And over time and iteration you get better at both patience and pattern recognition for those times you really want to rationally be out.
The result is better exits AND a better mindset and more likely higher profits.
Again it's ment ONLY as a thought experiment AND has ZERO to do with any trading strategy or improvement to a trading strategy. That's not what it's about.
Hopefully that makes more sense and by the sounds of it, it gave you the numbers I usually get and hear others get.
So you did it correctly.
Those stats tell you so much. Again it's not about focusing on that one time that woulda killed ya because it's not about a trading strategy.
And EVERY system you look at will have those. That's what risk management is for.
I hope that made it more clear.
Nothing to do with strategy. Everything to do with MINDSET.
Stayed out of the market. Maybe in the earlier hours short opportunities, but I leave them alone for a while.
Later on jumped around with big, fomo producing candles, which when actually traded probably more likely to get chopped around and slip into a non-rational state quickly.
Again no trade today. Not so jumpy anymore and pretty solid downtrend the entire day.
There was a passage in my book today where the protagonist, a profitable discretionary trader, met a math-wiz who develops trading systems, but actually is himself a bad trader. His systems are pretty good, but as soon as he has to take a few losses in a row, he goes back and tweaks around at his system and this is a neverending story him. He enjoys building systems more than trading, because in his world of numbers there's no room for non-perfectionism.
The problem I have, is to be able to differentiate between a technical legit or a series of technical legit losing trades, and trades that are driven by emotion, wanting to make back money and just wanting to be in the market for the sake of hoping for the next big monster-trade.
