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Life sacrifice loneliness trading futures

  #21 (permalink)
 
TickedOff's Avatar
 TickedOff 
Sydney, NSW, Australia
 
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the million dollars wont make you happy but starting a family sounds like it would be much better for you

Understanding yourself is just as important as understanding markets.
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  #22 (permalink)
 HoekNL 
Nijmegen/Netherlands
 
Experience: Intermediate
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Brave share.

As an unsuccessful (retail/hobby) daytr..dabbler of 15+ years, still holding a dayjob and getting near retirement I can add my two cents:

Don't focus on the million dollar dream, it's neither realistic nor a recipe for happiness.
Be happy making something over what a feasable dayjob would get you, then try and buy free time by trading less days. You-time is priceless.

Next, 31.... that is not coming back, still in you're prime years. Life can even start at 50 but will never be as good again. Live, now!


Also, like many said, it's best to get out of this mindset first, ye can't trade in this state mate :-)

Keep on smiling

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  #23 (permalink)
 
eferggbd's Avatar
 eferggbd 
Phoenix, AZ
 
Experience: Intermediate
Platform: Ninja, TradeStation
Broker: Ninja
Trading: ES, CL
Posts: 30 since Jan 2018
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My two cents: the million dollar dream is doable. BUT: is it really what you want?

I became a millionaire in my early 30s (not from trading) and it turned out there was a problem: I still defined my self worth by my bank account balance. Therefore I had no inner peace even though I had always dreamed of having a million bucks. I was still stressed to the max regularly.

I ended up losing about 65% of it (not from trading) and it was like this aha moment where it was so blatantly clear that my priorities were misaligned. I had spent 60 hours a week for all those years only to have it come tumbling down and lose most of it. In my case, it's almost like it was meant to be, like I needed to lose a bunch of money to see that money's promises of happiness were actually an illusion. I'm very fortunate that it led me to mindfulness.

I've spent the last several years re-training my mind. It's not easy because I grew up in a household where success was defined by performance and money. So that got ingrained deeply in my brain. But that's nonsense in my opinion. Each human, each being, is a treasure. We are each awesome just the way we are, even with all our quirks. I've taken steps to remind myself of that regularly so that I literally can change the synapse patterns in my brain and change my default way of measuring my self worth.

One other thing that might be helpful to point out: your dad thought money was a measure of his self worth. He chased it relentlessly. Is that what you want for yourself too? To chase money relentlessly, whatever the cost? Are you actually following the same footsteps as him, and is that what you want? If you look back at your childhood and what your needs were as a kid, what do you wish your dad had done for you? And does that have any impact on how you might want to conduct your own life?

Either way, I'm sending you a lot of love man! You're worth it.

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  #24 (permalink)
 planetkill 
New York City + NY/United States
 
Posts: 347 since Sep 2018
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Yes ago I came to the same conclusion. There's a blog I use to follow back in my rat race days that helped me find the perspective to create a new life. Coming from an immigrant family and immigrating at a young age myself, success was only defined by how much money you're making. The former USSR had a way of doing that to people. It took me a long time to find the strength to break free against the advice of all my family and peers. But I've never been happier as I am now.

https://wallstreetplayboys.com/

Some of their newer posts have become a bit wacky ever since they quit their day jobs, so I'd recommend reading it from the beginning back when they use to grind for a living.
eferggbd View Post
My two cents: the million dollar dream is doable. BUT: is it really what you want?

I became a millionaire in my early 30s (not from trading) and it turned out there was a problem: I still defined my self worth by my bank account balance. Therefore I had no inner peace even though I had always dreamed of having a million bucks. I was still stressed to the max regularly.

I ended up losing about 65% of it (not from trading) and it was like this aha moment where it was so blatantly clear that my priorities were misaligned. I had spent 60 hours a week for all those years only to have it come tumbling down and lose most of it. In my case, it's almost like it was meant to be, like I needed to lose a bunch of money to see that money's promises of happiness were actually an illusion. I'm very fortunate that it led me to mindfulness.

I've spent the last several years re-training my mind. It's not easy because I grew up in a household where success was defined by performance and money. So that got ingrained deeply in my brain. But that's nonsense in my opinion. Each human, each being, is a treasure. We are each awesome just the way we are, even with all our quirks. I've taken steps to remind myself of that regularly so that I literally can change the synapse patterns in my brain and change my default way of measuring my self worth.

One other thing that might be helpful to point out: your dad thought money was a measure of his self worth. He chased it relentlessly. Is that what you want for yourself too? To chase money relentlessly, whatever the cost? Are you actually following the same footsteps as him, and is that what you want? If you look back at your childhood and what your needs were as a kid, what do you wish your dad had done for you? And does that have any impact on how you might want to conduct your own life?

Either way, I'm sending you a lot of love man! You're worth it.


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  #25 (permalink)
lewac
West Palm Beach FL/USA
 
Posts: 7 since May 2020
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zetsurin View Post
Is it worth it for me to continue this dream?(long post, non technical related question)

For anyone/trader who will take the time to read my experience, I appreciate it as this is the first time I share my personal life on the internet because I am depressed.

Should I continue trading and chasing the million dollar dream?
I grew up with a trader father, and all I ever heard from his mouth growing up was money, and the markets. He was rich and went broke when I was 8 years old. He was so confident in his skills that he was sure he would someday bring us back to the more comfortable side of life. Naturally, hearing nothing but trading, combined with growing up living in poverty and immense stress for a teenager, I decided then, I would do it for myself because I don't belong in this impoverished neighbourhood. Fast foward from the space of age(25-30) I have made every single sacrifice possible to save money and keep retrying. I lived in the hood, I never bought a car, I finished university but still decided to work only night jobs to be available for the volatile mornings. I havent gotten a girlfriend because I dont have confidence that I wont let a family go through what I went through, even though I am desperately lonely. All that just to maximize my savings in order to keep funding an account. I havent lost much, but I haven't made much gains either so far. At age 31, I have no friends(close friends), no confidence to build a network( I dont even have a car), no girlfriend obviously, when I look in the mirror, I am decent looking, and healthy, and good with women. But why am I in this predicament.. that eats me away. My father is sick, and gave up his confidence in trading. I have my trading method, but my motivation is 20% of what it was 4 years ago. Mainly due to my age, and the desperate desire to have human relationships (Even though I tell myself its sacrifice, it's mostly shame of my living environment).

Please share your opinions, should I keep trying until I am 40? I have 30000 ish in savings, buying a house in cash and creating a happy family is a dream I share with many people. However, I don't know how risky it is to devote my next decade to hardcore trading. I might end up in the same situation, or slightly better by 40 if I do pursue this. If I quit, I probably will have to join the debt prison and take out loans like people to start a life. In return, I have someone to hug, but I will never be wealthy. I am confident in my trading skills over the long haul, the P&L will be positive and continue to magnify, but currently, I am 31, and alone, with a sense of regret of the people I sacrificed to do this. Because I haven't succeeded.

Please share your thoughts if you were in my shoes, would you keep chasing this million dollar dream. I can't express my gratitude for those of you who spared your time to read. Thanks

I wasn't in your shoes however... you may be under capitalized. and has your algorithm been tested over time "on paper"? look. you have some ideology of keeping up with Mr Jones. you're 31yo but you work at night. the only way to find companionship is to expand exposure and not try so hard. for example I met my long term spouse installing her cable after her divorce. I kept the door open but wasn't looking for Ms Right, see? however I'm bright (top 1%) but was NOT looking for anyone with my IQ (thus I dumbed that side down... average worked for me (or can this woman follow WTF I'm talking about in everyday conversation?)). so YOU need to set priorities, sir. are you gonna trade and make a million or are you gonna go for plan B? because with 30k making a Mil is not at all realistic (at least not quickly). you're banking on wealth to attract a mate? I would not be doing that you want someone that is just like you thus target that area. You're a loner but if you're not comfortable with facing that life trading may NOT be in your future and especially if priorities are not in order. if you continue to pursue trading you need to up your game. trade at 1:2. 1:1 does not cut it that's spinning tires in the sand. why? costs. does your algorithm support that? you need to be targeting a 1% risk and on 30k what's that.. 3 LOTS about. are you trading 3 LOTS? probably not. why? what's your STOP? well it needs to be pretty damn tight, see? only YOU can answer these kinda questions as to whether or not you wanna continue this business. I sincerely hope this helps to guide you into making the correct decision regarding your future. btw here's my trade today (EURUSD, 7.14) on 4 LOTS... this is off of TOS (but I only chart there). its still open as my cover can be as late as 16:00 via a timer.. doesn't look like this guy is gonna set it on fire though, does it (however the night is young)?

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  #26 (permalink)
Lfx987
London
 
Posts: 51 since Apr 2019
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Most important question to ask yourself is: "Why do I want to be trader".

If your answer is money, then there are other ways to make money. If money is your sole reason, then by and large, you will never ever be happy because, "there is always more money to be made".

Does the thought of sitting at a desk and watching the market bring you joy or is it a burden and you wish you were elsewhere? Does it leave you happy or feeling emotionally/spiritually empty?

In my experience, most retail traders who trade, trade because they absolutely love trading. They happily spend hours/days in front of a chart, learning, testing, trying. If you don't enjoy doing any of these things, you will never ever be happy with trading, even if you are making plenty of money. You still have half of your working life left, do you really want to spend it doing something you don't enjoy?

What, if anything, is it about trading you enjoy? Be honest with yourself.

Write down situations/settings you find yourself happiest in ie. helping others, working with others, talking to people. Are these situations consistent with the environment of being a trader? Retail trading is a very very lonely business. You may find you are simply not spending enough time doing the things you enjoy so you may need to manage your trading day better.

All in all, sounds to me as if you need to step away from trading and ask yourself some deep personal questions that only you can answer.

$30k saved despite not having a career is pretty good, most would love to have that amount saved up. You are clearly sensible and the ability to be frugal is a great trait.

But at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself what is it you truly want. Trading is one of the most difficult professions in the world and if your heart/soul simply are not in it, then this will simply add to any difficulties.

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  #27 (permalink)
 refine 
Edmonton Alberta Canada
 
Experience: Intermediate
Platform: Ninjatrader
Trading: Emini ES
Posts: 22 since Mar 2018
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zetsurin View Post
Is it worth it for me to continue this dream?(long post, non technical related question)

For anyone/trader who will take the time to read my experience, I appreciate it as this is the first time I share my personal life on the internet because I am depressed.

Should I continue trading and chasing the million dollar dream?
I grew up with a trader father, and all I ever heard from his mouth growing up was money, and the markets. He was rich and went broke when I was 8 years old. He was so confident in his skills that he was sure he would someday bring us back to the more comfortable side of life. Naturally, hearing nothing but trading, combined with growing up living in poverty and immense stress for a teenager, I decided then, I would do it for myself because I don't belong in this impoverished neighbourhood. Fast foward from the space of age(25-30) I have made every single sacrifice possible to save money and keep retrying. I lived in the hood, I never bought a car, I finished university but still decided to work only night jobs to be available for the volatile mornings. I havent gotten a girlfriend because I dont have confidence that I wont let a family go through what I went through, even though I am desperately lonely. All that just to maximize my savings in order to keep funding an account. I havent lost much, but I haven't made much gains either so far. At age 31, I have no friends(close friends), no confidence to build a network( I dont even have a car), no girlfriend obviously, when I look in the mirror, I am decent looking, and healthy, and good with women. But why am I in this predicament.. that eats me away. My father is sick, and gave up his confidence in trading. I have my trading method, but my motivation is 20% of what it was 4 years ago. Mainly due to my age, and the desperate desire to have human relationships (Even though I tell myself its sacrifice, it's mostly shame of my living environment).

Please share your opinions, should I keep trying until I am 40? I have 30000 ish in savings, buying a house in cash and creating a happy family is a dream I share with many people. However, I don't know how risky it is to devote my next decade to hardcore trading. I might end up in the same situation, or slightly better by 40 if I do pursue this. If I quit, I probably will have to join the debt prison and take out loans like people to start a life. In return, I have someone to hug, but I will never be wealthy. I am confident in my trading skills over the long haul, the P&L will be positive and continue to magnify, but currently, I am 31, and alone, with a sense of regret of the people I sacrificed to do this. Because I haven't succeeded.

Please share your thoughts if you were in my shoes, would you keep chasing this million dollar dream. I can't express my gratitude for those of you who spared your time to read. Thanks


Reading stories like this about traders who sell their souls for "the dream" is heart breaking. Makes me wonder if there isn't a place for a new "12 step" program for traders.

The parallels to substance abuse is profound. How many times have you heard people who suffer from substance abuse say, "Yeah...I can quit anytime."

Well.....there is the first reality check.

Can you walk away from it and not look back? Can you shut it down and put your energy into something more tangible?

If you can't.....then there might be the real problem.

My advice......for what it's worth.....is shut it down. Walk away and don't look back. Don't be that guy who is alone, unfulfilled and beating himself up for it when he is 55.

Your best years are still ahead of you. It might be time to redeem what you have left.

Oh....btw.....in spite of what you may feel (consciously or unconsciously).....you don't owe your Dad anything.

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  #28 (permalink)
zetsurin
canada
 
Posts: 2 since Jul 2020
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Thank you all very much, I have read through every single comment many times over. I never expected this many support, I was not expecting anything other than 2 short comments along the lines: that sucks. Although I am alone now, my mental state is less lonely than a week ago, thank you. I'm going to vent here as an outlet, please don't spend your precious time to read unless you want to. Its only venting.

It is true I have been living my fathers life, and as a son, it is natural I wouldve wanted to pursue my fathers "job". He chose this job because he never graduated high school, so he was unemployable. Before he went broke, we lived in big house, with two black mercedes. After one was stolen, he just buys another one because he thinks he has money. His life was filled with women alcohol and cigarettes. Most importantly, arrogance towards others, even family. Which is why today, I have 0 family besides him(including my mother and younger brother)

Although I grew up just wanting a normal life, there was increasing resentment. Because after he went broke, he didn't even know how to process any government applications, look for a job. At age 18 years old, he in his 50s would ask me what are we gonna do for rent? Solving money issues while taking insults from him growing up was the norm, and he took that patten for granted. When things were at its worst, I was looking for $250/room, roommate apartments on student forums, so we can have a place to move fast. There are countless hardships I'd rather not list, but basically, Survival>embarrassment. During this time, all he talked about was still trading and big numbers. The delusion he instilled in me pushed me away from the conventional mindset, however, it made me obsessed to get out of this hellhole. Upon trading at 25, I had an unparalleled work ethic, unparalleled determination, thirst of knowledge and I say this with confidence, however unlike any other job, even that doesnt guarantee success. At the time, I wished I had a successful trader to take my as an apprentice, I wouldve done anything for such a figure. Making money and being lavish was never my objective. All I wanted when I was a kid was love because I never received any or had anyone to give mine too. My first and only girlfriend was constantly comparing me to other guys, until she cheated. l believed without money, every family relationship will crumble if I, as a man cannot give the “stress free life”. Therefore, I became obsessed to succeed, for the sole reason of “having a forever lasting loving family”.

Thus far, I have experienced every emotion trading, until I became immune to depleting balances. I always start with 2000, and bring it up to 15000, and wipe out. I lost around 20000 so far, separately. This repeated for 4 years until last year, I accepted the fact this is going to take 10-20 years instead of 3. Then I started building my systematic method that doesnt involve emotion, and is executed the exact same way, everyday, only once. Then my p&l became positive. However I am not trading currently, because of the covid market conditions. I am very good at money management, because I grew up surviving. That's why I simply don't have the courage to take on anything that costs me money unless I can overly afford it. That includes getting a girlfriend, a car, or any recurring payments. I am a living example of cash hoarder with 0 assets.. my mental state right now, you are all aware. The road ahead is complicated, thank you all.

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  #29 (permalink)
goodoboy
Houston
 
Posts: 380 since Dec 2016
Thanks Given: 344
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Hello,

I am glad you are asking the right questions.

Do not give up!

I recommend finding a trading course or training with a mentor to help you for about 6 months.

The root cause to your problem is you are not a consistent profitable day trader. So you need to seek education and skills to become better trader and this will take training/mentorship and seeking the right help.

Keep your life the same for the next 2 years and figure out how can you become a consistent profitable day trader. That is your new job for the next 2 years. After 2 years , you will know exactly what to do. Everything else you going through is just typical personal problems. You have no kids and no wife. Life should be good for you. Now let's get busy and move on. You have alot of free time and you have an opportunity to chase your dream, so lets go.

So start a new thread on How to become a consistent profitable day trader?

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  #30 (permalink)
goodoboy
Houston
 
Posts: 380 since Dec 2016
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zetsurin View Post
My first and only girlfriend was constantly comparing me to other guys, until she cheated.

zetsurin,

When it comes to women and chasing your goals, do this:

1. Find 4 women.
2. Tell them whatever they want to hear to make them feel special.
3. Have sex with them as much as you can.
4. Whichever one likes you the most, keep her.
5. Get rid of the women who causing issues and making you feel bad, just stop calling them. go find more women
6. Start over from step 1, of any of them start being negative.

You need about 3-4 women on speed dial to make you feel good.

In other words, I never had a problem with 1 woman, cause I always kept 3 women. One start acting stupid, I go to the next one.

When you chasing money, women will follow. Keep yourself healthy and fit, so you can attract women.

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Last Updated on December 22, 2020


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