Thanks for being so open with us about your trading. Not many people admit what has happened with their accounts.
I'm reading between the lines here, but it sounds to me like your problem is twofold: discipline and Psychology.
I would IMAGINE that you're doing things (like reversing a losing trade etc) that you were not taught and have not extensively tested. Rather, these actions seem to stem from whatever frustration you're feeling. So, if I'm correct, your lack of discipline puts you into bad trades and ultimately affects your mentality because you're taking bad trades and then wondering why "nothing works".
I think you need to stop drop and roll, 'cause you're on fire--in a bad way. First, take a cold hard look at yourself and decide if you really WANT to continue trading. If you want to stay, go back to demo for at least 6 months (not this "cumulative" 1.5 years nonsense--a solid six months of practice, alteration, and experimentation) to REALLY iron out your strategy and understand EXACTLY what your parameters for a trade look like. From there, follow your system and take emotion out of the equation. If it worked in six months of demo, it probably works irl. So put on trades and accept whatever outcome you arrive at.
Get well soon my friend.
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@Always A Loser
"This is my first post on this forum. Despite what I am about to write below, I am here seeking help, trying to understand why I'm such a complete failure."
OK, I truly feel your pain so I hope my input doesn't come off as harsh.
@Pariah Carey might be right, but .... IF you decide to reach within and find your own reasons to keep fighting until you finally win, here's a couple of suggestions:
1) If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. You MUST blow-up your current trading method, or you're doomed. Change Something.
2) Your problem is you think 1) that intelligence is all it takes to trade, and 2) 1.5 years is enough to master trading, i.e. become consistently profitable. No, and No. Trading is an intensely emotional activity, and intelligence and creativity can actually get in the way, at least at first. Moreover, the market is extremely complex, variable, and thus deceptive; it takes several years to even truly understand the problem, much less arrive at a solution; you must accept that, then figure out how to survive until you attain even a modest edge, e.g paper-trade more, and maybe live-trade smaller, eg if you currently trade a 1-lot mini, change to 1-lot micro. Only scale-up once things start clicking. I've been trading for 10 years, with 2 degrees, one in Finance and the other in Computer Science (ergo, an 'intelligent person'). It was 8 years before I really started getting what was going on in the derivatives and futures markets, especially as regards the charts and methods I was trying to trade.
3) If you decide to stick with your current method and mentor, then consider this: "If you what what they've got, then do what they do". As a student, your job is to slavishly copy your teacher, and NOT deviate from their method until you can reproduce their results. After that, feel free to tinker since you are operating out of a base of competence. Go back and (paper)trade beside your mentor for several sessions; strive to enter/exit EXACTLY when and where he does, then compare his results with yours ... if he's so profitable, then you should be too, right? Rinse and repeat until his behaviors are burned into your own neurons; become his clone. If you're still not profitable, maybe find a new guru or method?
4) Most importantly, I don't think you understand why your stop-orders keep getting picked-off, only to have the market then go the way you anticipated without you along for the ride. The following link is to a 12-minute video that will open your eyes to what is actually happening ... these concepts are Solid Gold:
5) Last, DO change your screen-name. How about 'DieHard'? Become one.
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