I fully understand what you're going through emotionally right now and I think it's better be some time without trading and meditate, the more deeply as possible, the real reasons for your mistakes.
Remember that the only thing that has no solution is death

@tripanasoma: I must admit that I am impressed.

I am impressed because you have the courage to post here. That shows that you have already stood up and accepted your loss.

I am also impressed because this has only happened after 10 years. If this is the first time that you screwed up, you must be an extremely disciplined person.

However, from what you have written, I deduct that you may have used too much leverage. Not placing a stop correctly is a human error, and this happens to everybody. But if such a simple mistake puts your account in danger, then you have probably used more leverage then is healthy. Did you ever calculate your risk of ruin for trading the FDAX?

The FDAX is a highly volatiltiy and capricious beast that can easily rival CL futures, not really something I would dare trade with an account below $ 50,000.

I am not talking about your revenge trade.... I have been doing this with similar results some years ago and know exactly how you felt....

Good, at least you weren't gambling on recent crude volatility

Sent from my phone

Have compassion for your self. This was purely a mistake, though a big one , still an opportunity to learn and improve. Good thing is , you will never forget to put a stop loss ever again. The part of your mind that is shaming you, belittle you and making you feel worthless are not YOU. They are just thoughts originating from your underlying beliefs regarding worthiness, inadequacy etc.. Remember these beliefs are embedded into you by your environment where you grew up. Their primary focus is survival.. Please remember your true worth is not your trading account or the things you have or what you do, your true worth is what you are inside.. Trading account merely reflects your performance as a trader.. It has nothing to do with your worthiness because you are worthy as who you are.. I can see that you care for your wife and family.. you are a very compassionate person. Have the same compassion for your Self.

Thanks @welly192 ,

Is this the mp3 you intended to upload? https://d3n3f57qjh51zc.cloudfront.net/who-am-i-really-new.mp3
I found it on his blog btw.

This is the page I was linked to when I opted-in his newsletter: ReCreate Your Life

I really feel for you. I had a similar experience about 6 years ago when I put on a long trade in the pound/yen. It was just a stupid little 3 lot trade that I was trying to make about 30 pips on. I was also getting ready to go take a trip at New Year to Las Vegas. I wasn't monitoring it that closely and had forgot to have a stop on it. When I checked I was 100 pips down...and the market had closed early that day because it was New Years Eve. I figured it wasn't going to probably do much over the Holiday so I didn't worry about it.

Well, it ended up gapping down almost a 1000 pips. I only had a $30,000 account. I was about to have my account closed out..so while in Vegas I ran to the bank and wired in another $10,000.00 . My thought was that it just had to come back and I didn't want to have a margin call.

Guess what, it fell another 300 pips and I lost the whole 30K.

This was really disturbing. All because of a stupid mistake. I trade futures now, by the way.

I have had a few other instances where I went "Full Retard" and tilted like the leaning tower of Pizza. Although I don't think I will do that again, I am looking into this software where you can program a daily loss limit and once you hit it, you are locked out of your platform until the next day..or whenever you choose... just in case, I have an emotional meltdown. Again, I doubt I will..but I know I have that in me.
Good luck. I hope you feel better and can regroup. I wish you the best. Sorry, you had to start your New Year this way.

What's the name of that software?

I have a copy of that software - Its called WIFE.

I have a special audio play when my stop is filled
that says. " Trade your method- DONT GIVE A HOOT- TAKE YOUR LOSSES AND MOVE ON"
Wherever she is in the house she seems to hear it and shows up within moments. LOL

Thx for your support. You know what it really doesnt matter of how big your account is if you halved your account. It demoralizes you. I could not tell to my inner self what happened even after a few days. Still my inner self is defensive state but it was my mistake completely.
Surely I will be more conservative on trade size after this. Trading tames you. Also when you get older your reactions, your memorization capacity, your responsibilities shadow your skills somehow. I would never do a mistake like this when I was younger.