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It is difficult. I came to the realization that I'm on my own, and this is my challenge. Every time I would bring up trading to my parents/ extended family, they would change the subject.
I'm 40, have a baby daughter, and a career, but they make me feel like I'm a teenager.
I'm done trying to explain trading or what I love about the journey. It would be nice to have some support and interest from those close, but everyone's family dynamics are different.
My wife is not particularly interested, but she does let me do what I need to do, so that's good. She is not against it, and doesn't complain, so at least I have that going for me.
You know, actually it would be good just to talk to someone sometimes about the market, and maybe I haven't reached out enough to the resources here, without having to pay someone.
It's time I expand my trading network, thanks for pushing this out.
Man, this thread/email couldn't have popped up at the perfect time. Just had an argument with the wife that she stems from my "emotional swings" since I started trading. My point to her was that the emotions would be there whether or not I was or was not doing this. They'd be just as "hot" if I had gone back to school and was trying to study with three kids at home at the same time. To be honest, she has not been home (she works part time) to see my breakdowns struggling through this. I keep those emotions private.
When I started this venture I wasn't working, furloughed, and am guided my father who is a skilled trader. He is on the other side of the country so it has all been done over the phone and setting up my metrics like his to see what he sees. Returning to work in August slowed my progress slightly but being on the West Coast I am able to login to my combines during premarket hours and log back in after work for some of the PM session.
Other than emotions she says that although I'm here I am "not here." That side is bull as I am the one that cooks dinner for the family and I sit down with them to eat. I also take breaks to go outside with the kids whey THEY are not on their electronic devices. It gives me the opportunities to step away.
While I am back to work, it isn't full time. I am in the hospitality industry and even with an important support role, things have been questionable. Will we stay open, will the state drop the hammer again? My industry growth that I was planning has officially been halted due to the pandemic. My question to her was "would you rather I got an evening minimum wage job?" This would keep me from being home at all and stop any extra fluff I might get from unemployment.
Major bills are paid, food is on the table and I am here. Things settled a bit and she may understand the why of why I'm doing this. We've all sacrificed a lot.
On this topic too, I'm getting an enormous benefit from reading a classic book on this;
The Disciplined Trader: Developing Winning Attitudes
by Mark Douglas, that I started a week ago.
Worth every penny/cent so far. I've had a ton of "OH WOW YES" moments... and have already seen improvements in my mental state.
Also, I have had enormous benefit from reducing as much as possible my view of day to day and moment to moment price and P&L moves, instead focussing on the process.
Is it broken? If not, I can ignore the account balance.
How do I know it's broken? Monthly review of standard deviation, and drawdown vs max historic drawdown, plus making sure broker positions match what my systems expect them to.
I don't need to know if I'm up or down from day to day, or even week to week. That's distracting and harmful to my emotional state.
And I've learned from Douglas' book, that a damaged emotional state becomes a self-fulfilling path to ruin.
Well....are you really married? If so, this relationship won't last very long....
And to be honest, I fully agree with @SMCJB that communication and honesty is essential in any kind of partnership. Otherwise you may end up lying to your spouse (e.g. in case of bigger losses and therefore failed vacations, etc.), which definitely won't turn your relationship to the good....
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn
My Mum does not like this but she is starting to understand that what I am doing is serious business, my father initiated me to trading so he is supporting me a lot. One of my sisters does not like that I am into trading she does not think I can make it a profitable way of living.
Great story and extremely important point to emphasize the importance of internal support to enable a trader to operate successfully in an extremely testing environment.I thank the writer for their article.regards Harveys
Spot on. If you get too emotional your exposure is probably too big. If not trading may not be for you.
There is another level to it, the out of fashion old school "boys don't cry". Trading is simple: you take a view and enter a position. If you are right - enjoy and reap the benefits. If not - cut your losses and move on. Sure, there is a lot behind the process. But my wife has enough of her own problems to worry about, so I am not going to emotionally lean on her for my troubles in the market. Like for most other troubles. I reckon having one depressive in the family is better than two. You decide to get involved in the market, you make the trading decisions. It's your shit, own it.
I haven't seen Kevin's commentary on that but I would guess that it was a comment about the trader's emotional reactions to success and failure, and not on the level of transparency with the trader's spouse. We'll be celebrating 32 years later this year and I can assure you that being transparent about activities of mutual concern has been key to our success.
