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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading
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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading

  #71 (permalink)
Logician
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zer0's Avatar
 
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It's amazing how supportive family can be after you're making consistent, big, money. Prior to that, there is little respect for the endeavor. My wife still doesn't quite understand that my research is 'work'. I'll chalk this phenomenon up to societal conditioning. We have been weaned on the idea that income comes from traditional means. We learn that anything else is somehow less valid. Sadly, it seems, respect and true support only come from provisions that successful trading effort can supply. If these provisions are large enough; ill-begotten feelings are replaced with admiration and approval.

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  #72 (permalink)
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“Never believe that body is permanent. Body is like a water bubble. Mind is like a mad monkey.”
- Sri Sathya Sai Baba

May I remind us to give ourselves and each other approval today.

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  #73 (permalink)
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MrYou View Post
sysot1t, physical and psychological addiction are very real and expecting people to "just quit" is ignorant and naive. Now whether their "character", as you put it, determine their choices is another argument, but I think lifes choices are much more complicated than that.

Unfortunately people want simple black and white solutions, but this isn't reality.

no, not really... I dont see how the expectation of someone to be able to apply themselves, fix their problem (the true one) addressing the source of the addiction, and quit their addiction is "ignorant" or even "naive"... I just believe that people have choices and they have to assume responsibility for their decision; but in this society we live in we have come to expect to not have any personal responsibilities for our choices and decisions.. and there are plenty of "experts" out there willing to go along with the flow and certify things that come down to the human state of mind...

and please note, that I never said it was black and white... I dont think of things on those terms...

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  #74 (permalink)
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zer0 View Post
Sadly, it seems, respect and true support only come from provisions that successful trading effort can supply. If these provisions are large enough; ill-begotten feelings are replaced with admiration and approval.

there is a reason why everyone on the king pin drug dealer's family looks away from the illegal business of trafficking or dealing, right?! regardless of where profit comes, money changes the perspectives of those around you rather quickly if you start sharing said $$$...

of course, I used the most illegal example to demonstrate my point.. note that I am not suggesting that anyone should go out there and start doing illegal stuff that will get them in trouble.

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  #75 (permalink)
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Everyone respects a famous (rich) actor, musician, or actor as well. Starving artists and traders will not likely ever get respect. That makes the endeavor ever the more daunting, since there are additional pressures, other than from within, to generate success.


sysot1t View Post
there is a reason why everyone on the king pin drug dealer's family looks away from the illegal business of trafficking or dealing, right?! regardless of where profit comes, money changes the perspectives of those around you rather quickly if you start sharing said $$$...

of course, I used the most illegal example to demonstrate my point.. note that I am not suggesting that anyone should go out there and start doing illegal stuff that will get them in trouble.


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  #76 (permalink)
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I am wondering if the posters in this thread that were involving their wife/spouse in their trading have anything new to report?

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  #77 (permalink)
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Big Mike View Post
I am wondering if the posters in this thread that were involving their wife/spouse in their trading have anything new to report?

Mike

I wouldn't wish it on her!

Like many people, I did the 'trading is my passion' thing. I was hungry for information, spent all of my free time researching, reading books, forums etc.etc.etc.

It sucked the spare time out of me.

Now - here's the odd thing. I got to the point where it was simply not necessary to spend this time on trading any more. I'd learnt what I needed to learn but I still ended up spending all my time on this thing. This does not mean there is no room for improvement but that's different from that whole 24x7 research thing.

For some reason, I could not bring myself to take the time back.

Even quite recently, I found myself watching the markets at 3pm my time, 3am EST. I finished at midnight my time, lunchtime EST. You know what - even though I'd been making out of hours trades, this was not really making me any more money.

In the end, as of the start of this year, I promised myself I'd scale back. I still catch myself doing the odd out of hours trade but now, I'm more inclined to have a look see and then go to the park with the kids. Now I try to stick to 8:30pm->midnight my time.

It almost feels like cheating now. Spending a little over 15 hours a week actually trading.

Trading isn't my passion. The family is my passion. I guess maybe I needed to 'pay my dues' time-wise but really, 99% of my time was spent on stuff that was of no use at all, not to mention programming all sorts of nonsense systems that were worth $0.

I'm glad I got out from under it.

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  #78 (permalink)
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Trading is so very difficult. I think you have to set things up in a way that family can handle. Trading is not worth damaging relationships and can do it quickly. There are many things I did in the learning curve that affected my family in a negative way that I regret. Honestly in hindsight there are many things I would do differently.

Something to consider is allocating a certain amount of capital that you and your significant other agree can be lost. If it's lost that is it your trading career is over. I think hard part on family is the endless black hole of losses that can be created. It can be hard to stop and can burn up everything you have. Would not hurt to have some accountability on that from someone else.

"The day I became a winning trader was the day it became boring. Daily losses no longer bother me and daily wins no longer excited me. Took years of pain and busting a few accounts before finally got my mind right. I survived the darkness within and now just chillax and let my black box do the work."

Last edited by liquidcci; February 14th, 2012 at 01:09 PM.
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  #79 (permalink)
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Pigtails

I am a full-time swing trader and father of two. One of the big challenges for me is that since I work from home, I get drawn more and more into domestic chores and distractions. For instance, every day I take my girls to school and daycare. We leave a little after 11 am ET and I get back at around 1230. This is usually a bit frustrating, but manageable.

This morning I had a couple of smallish, but significant, positions on in precious metals and was looking to possibly add on a pullback. Although I realized that PMs were very overbought, given all the recent positive economic news I underestimated the extent to which the market was expecting QE3. My stops were set to a little above breakeven. Anyway, as I see gold start selling off, I had to get my girls up for school. I was trying to watch the Bernanke testimony, but I had to feed them and make school lunch. The girls were watching Big Time Rush, so I was streaming the testimony from the web in my office while cooking in the kitchen. My wife who went part time at her job last year, had an early meeting so I was largely left on my own to get them out the door on time.

After cooking, brushing teeth and potty, I found a couple of minutes to sit down, evaluate, and double check my stop placements before leaving. At this point my 4 year old, came to me asking for pigtails for school. I can usually manage this, but I'm a lot more comfortable with just a ponytail. Anyway, as I sat at the computer losing thousands in unrealized profits per minute, I struggled with making pigtails for a while and then tried to convince my daughter to go without today. Of course, she started crying and ran to tell Mommy on me.

Anyway, I finally delivered them to school and have returned, but I agreed to a late menu change, so I've got another 45 minute trip now that Comex pit trading has closed to deliver the revised lunch. Although I gave back more than my wife's salary today in unrealized gains, it was according to my (somewhat flawed) plan, so I am not really too frustrated. I will just wait again for the next opportunity and start all over.

I guess the lesson learned from this morning is that I need to practice up on my pigtails so that I can execute them quickly under stress.

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  #80 (permalink)
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Jolew View Post
I am a full-time swing trader and father of two. One of the big challenges for me is that since I work from home, I get drawn more and more into domestic chores and distractions. For instance, every day I take my girls to school and daycare. We leave a little after 11 am ET and I get back at around 1230. This is usually a bit frustrating, but manageable.

This morning I had a couple of smallish, but significant, positions on in precious metals and was looking to possibly add on a pullback. Although I realized that PMs were very overbought, given all the recent positive economic news I underestimated the extent to which the market was expecting QE3. My stops were set to a little above breakeven. Anyway, as I see gold start selling off, I had to get my girls up for school. I was trying to watch the Bernanke testimony, but I had to feed them and make school lunch. The girls were watching Big Time Rush, so I was streaming the testimony from the web in my office while cooking in the kitchen. My wife who went part time at her job last year, had an early meeting so I was largely left on my own to get them out the door on time.

After cooking, brushing teeth and potty, I found a couple of minutes to sit down, evaluate, and double check my stop placements before leaving. At this point my 4 year old, came to me asking for pigtails for school. I can usually manage this, but I'm a lot more comfortable with just a ponytail. Anyway, as I sat at the computer losing thousands in unrealized profits per minute, I struggled with making pigtails for a while and then tried to convince my daughter to go without today. Of course, she started crying and ran to tell Mommy on me.

Anyway, I finally delivered them to school and have returned, but I agreed to a late menu change, so I've got another 45 minute trip now that Comex pit trading has closed to deliver the revised lunch. Although I gave back more than my wife's salary today in unrealized gains, it was according to my (somewhat flawed) plan, so I am not really too frustrated. I will just wait again for the next opportunity and start all over.

I guess the lesson learned from this morning is that I need to practice up on my pigtails so that I can execute them quickly under stress.

Trading with distraction will lead to losing long term. One way you might overcome that is developing and AT system. Also the tighter the time frame day vs longer term will punish you more for distraction. Shorter time frame demands less distraction to be successful.

"The day I became a winning trader was the day it became boring. Daily losses no longer bother me and daily wins no longer excited me. Took years of pain and busting a few accounts before finally got my mind right. I survived the darkness within and now just chillax and let my black box do the work."
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