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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading
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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading

  #51 (permalink)
Elite Member
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There's been a lot of great points on both sides of the coin regarding letting the spouse know about your trading. I do keep my wife in the loop about the account level-- she actually wants to know more about losses than wins. But when it comes to the details, she doesn't want to know too much. It's mostly a lack of interest about the risk management strategy, Fibonacci exits, reward-risk minimums, and win-loss ratios. Plus, I haven't been able to explain some things to her very well-- such as how a 52% win-loss ratio is actually pretty good if the reward-risk is consistently near 3-to-1. Not that I'm consistent yet with achieving a 3-to-1 on the average trade, but it's something I want to attain in my trading.

For those of you who do have involvement and interest about trading from your spouse, how did you get him/her involved? And how did you increase/maintain their interest level?

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  #52 (permalink)
Market Wizard
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DionysusToast's Avatar
 
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I decide to handle this aspect in my own way.

I would never tell another man how to handle his relationship with his wife. All women are different and the way your own relationship works best may not be best for someone else.

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  #53 (permalink)
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dc618 View Post
For those of you who do have involvement and interest about trading from your spouse, how did you get him/her involved? And how did you increase/maintain their interest level?

My wife has been involved w/ the business ever since I started almost 3 years ago. I don't need anyones permission to do anything, but out of a TON of respect for my wife she is always in the loop. My issue was never winning or losing, but rather all the money (over 30K) we have sunk into this business. She knows about every penny and knew about every decision to buy into the garbage no matter how stupid it was (dream merchants, super secret magic indicators, and trading rooms). I figured I would always let her know what was going on because "I" feel that if you can't be honest with your spouse, it's not worth being with that person. If she had disagreed with my decision to trade full time I would have kept my crappy City job I hated no matter what. The last one I was married to was never honest with me and I was seldom honest with her, needless to say it was doomed from the get-go.

My wife stays interested not because of the money aspects but because of the psychological aspects. It's funny because she is a trading illiterate and has no idea of how to trade, but when I was having issues pulling the trigger she was the one that said "you will never know the true outcome of your trade unless you try", and that "failure only really comes when you don't try". I try not to keep thing from my spouse, it just doesn't seem right to me. I am very, very fortunate that my wife supports what I do and is there for me no matter what. If I blow it all up my wife will still love me and be there for me no matter what; it definitely makes it easier for me to trade. I will actually tell my trading woes to my wife rather than other traders as she knows how jacked up my noggin is more than others; she has the misfortune tom live with me and this easy-breezie, get rich quick business

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  #54 (permalink)
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sysot1t View Post

and no, I dont trade full time, and by full time I mean for a living ... I dont think I would ever trade for a living... I need a job to actually keep me intellectually challenged.

Trading for me, is only a 2-3 hour a day affair of actual trading, and about 2 hours of research and prep; sometimes less, comes down to what markets interest me that day or if I am looking to do some options for income.

Trading to me is really no different than gambling in a casino; if I sit there all day long, I will give back the winnings because I will over trade out of boredom. Trading is really, really, really boring; but that doesnt mean one should trade for excitement, it should be boring IMO.


I am curious if you would be willing to share, are you consistently profitable in your trading? While I trade only part time, I never see it as a hobby, its stressful.

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  #55 (permalink)
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If you're a trader prior to meeting someone that later becomes your spouse...its much easier to have support or approval of you as a trader. In contrast, if you're already married and you change careers to become a trader...its more difficult to get support in comparison to the other situation I mentioned. This is normal in any situation where a career change has occurred.

As to the OP (thread starter) thoughts about getting the family involved with actual task that you would normally do when preparing to trade...I do not agree with such unless you're approaching your trading as if its a family business instead of as your business. Regardless, any support you have will eventually be dependent upon your profit level especially if you're the sole income provider of the family.

I myself am from a family that had two prior traders. My old man was a floor trader at the exchange and a cousin that maintain the computers for an institutional firm along with another cousin being an institutional trader. In addition, a few close personal friends are institutional traders (one of them remote at home). Therefore, the support I got from my immediate family, relatives and friends was much easier as a retail trader in comparison to other retail traders that typically switch careers or don't personally know other traders that they hang our with...something I'm very grateful about. In fact, I think retail traders (that's most of us here at BigMikes) should make a strong effort to meet other traders in person from their local areas (within 3 hours driving distance) for get togethers and bring their families along for these get togethers (e.g. dinners, family barbecues, group picnics or any other outings that families typically do). This is a very easy way to strengthen support or get it when you don't have it.

In addition, I completely agree with the OP about treating trading like a business especially if you want any longevity as a career trader. It starts with having a tax accountant, business relationship with your banker, member of local entrepreneur club, community or neighborhood involvement et cetera. These are other easy ways to get support about what you do beyond your immediate family. Ignoring these things can put you in isolation and the feeling that you are alone as a trader...eventually such will have a negative impact on your trading.

Therefore, if you want continue/long lasting support from those you personally know...use your trading to help others and it doesn't need to involve anything financial.

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  #56 (permalink)
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jonc View Post
I am curious if you would be willing to share, are you consistently profitable in your trading? While I trade only part time, I never see it as a hobby, its stressful.

consistent, yes but not how I want it to be... profitably every month? no, every year? not always... I trade "size" only on my IRA account and I dont try to double my money like most do, my annual goals call for for 20-40% returns... sometimes I only end up 15%...

consistently to me would be every week and month closing possitive P&L, well about 90% for the year realistically... and I dont mean by P&L +$1 .00 like a guy I know who likes to claim he is profitable every month (which technically, he is)...

btw, my biggest impendiment to consistently profitable by my definition is my what I would classify as overtrading... I am working on controling it by using time as a variable and by setting daily goals... but daily goals make me question myself and create doubt... and time restrictions at times lead to missing bigger moves which create more doubts... so I have not found the right combination ...

I treat everything in my life as a business.. not just trading.. my wife hates the fact that I have a budget and she has to submit funding requests for anything she did not identified at the end of the preceeding year when I do my planning... but that is how I manage my money.

I manage my tax liability on a quarterly basis, and I prefer not to overpay in taxes; hence why majority of my trading takes place on the IRA account; and also because I use those generated funds to acquire real estate within the IRA. The real estate stuff is also a hobby to me...

anything that is not my primary function is a hobby...

I dont watch sports, or have vices (smoke, drink in excess, adrenalyne junkie, etc), or care about cars, or most things that most men care about or make hobbies out off... I do technology for a living, and it became kind of stressful to also have it as a hobby... so I switched to finance as a hobby since I've always worked in financial services.. it made sense that I understand the businesses I support and for which I design infrastructure.

I would offer you a suggestion, try treating your PT trading as a hobby... but conduct it as a business... you will see how it changes your mind and behavior... or it might not... something being a hobby just means that it is not your primary source of income. (at least it means that to me)

trading is only stressful if you have to pay bills from it (hence why I will never do it for a living unless my account has grown to where I can draw 100K on dividends without touching the principal) ... if you are trading with money that you can burn, and you have a real source (a job) of income to pay the bills... then there is no stress to any trading...

the whole burning the money thing I came to realize was critical after I read online some document from someone that I cant recall that basically said that dramatically... it was the trigger for me to stop using my whole IRA account and just switching to what I had been thinking and use only a portion...


Last edited by sysot1t; July 12th, 2011 at 11:47 AM.
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  #57 (permalink)
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Hello,

few months ago, i have noticed this thread.

Yesterday my girlfriend said: "Trading or me".

And I have got period (time) for decision. I am quite decided - I love both (trading and girlfriend), but question is: Will I love man, which disable me love thing? Answer is: "No."

On the other side, I am influenced, that successful traders must do sacrifices, so I am not sure, that is some "autodestructive" acting.

I dont want from you advices. I want some independent view or experience with same/similar problem...

There is something, what you should make differently?

Thank you for posts!

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  #58 (permalink)
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If you are successful and consistently profitable, take TRADING and send the girlfriend to get help to deal with her own internal issues.

If you are not making money trading, perhaps quit trading, try going to Gamblers anonymous and still check the girlfriend into a place to get help.

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  #59 (permalink)
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Baseheadz View Post
If you are successful and consistently profitable, take TRADING and send the girlfriend to get help to deal with her own internal issues.

If you are not making money trading, perhaps quit trading, try going to Gamblers anonymous and still check the girlfriend into a place to get help.

I am in learning phase... now i am finishing my system, and preparing for papertrading. I am with markets only 1,5 year and lost $ 347 (at the beginning i was rush and after this lost (this lost was after month and many mistakes) i realized, that trading is not so easy). So i think, that i am not gambler...

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  #60 (permalink)
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I don't recommend that every trader goes to Gamblers Anonymous, BUT I do recommend that almost every daytrader goes to Gambler's anonymous at least for a couple of times to hear stories about how these people have totally ruined their lives. It's quite entertaining.

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