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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading


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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading

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  #21 (permalink)
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It seems everyone who has posted so far has support from their family.

What about the members who explicitly lack support from their spouse and family? What about the members who's spouse wishes they would stop trading altogether and "get a real job", but the trader keeps pushing forward because "he knows the huge upside potential of trading", and he looks back on how much time (and money) he has invested in it and doesn't want to just walk away from that.

It is these traders who need advice on how to handle the situation. Their current situation is bad for everyone. The spouse is upset, and the trader is left without support that is needed to overcome the psychological aspects of trading.

Mike

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  #22 (permalink)
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Thanks Mike , I relate to these traders , and I tell them to follow their passion with great discipline , only time will show that they were right one day , do not be quitters , keep going towards your goals , practice a hobby to ease stress and frustrations , join a forum ( Big Mike's ) talk to traders , share ideas and advices , you will make it if you believe in yourself most of all ,
"Obstacles do not have to stop you , if you run into a wall , don't turn around and give up , figure out how to climb it , go through it or work around it "
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  #23 (permalink)
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Big Mike View Post
It seems everyone who has posted so far has support from their family.

What about the members who explicitly lack support from their spouse and family? What about the members who's spouse wishes they would stop trading altogether and "get a real job", but the trader keeps pushing forward because "he knows the huge upside potential of trading", and he looks back on how much time (and money) he has invested in it and doesn't want to just walk away from that.

It is these traders who need advice on how to handle the situation. Their current situation is bad for everyone. The spouse is upset, and the trader is left without support that is needed to overcome the psychological aspects of trading.

Mike

My advice to them would be to analyze your home/family obligations carefully BEFORE considering a career in trading . I understand its probably too late to tell them that if they already feel heat from those around them but better late than never . Its critical to any relationship to have mutual understandings about things like careers . Ive seen a lot of friends and family members of mine blindsided by career disputes with their spouse and it turns out most of them didnt have a clue about their partners ultimate career ( or lack of career ) goals . If I didnt have peolple around me that believe in me and understand my core values and my goals I would be trading toast by now - would have quit trying long ago .

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  #24 (permalink)
the congo
 
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Big Mike View Post
It seems everyone who has posted so far has support from their family.

What about the members who explicitly lack support from their spouse and family? What about the members who's spouse wishes they would stop trading altogether and "get a real job", but the trader keeps pushing forward because "he knows the huge upside potential of trading", and he looks back on how much time (and money) he has invested in it and doesn't want to just walk away from that.

It is these traders who need advice on how to handle the situation. Their current situation is bad for everyone. The spouse is upset, and the trader is left without support that is needed to overcome the psychological aspects of trading.

Mike

I think a lot of what you mention above has to do with the lack of understanding of the job (trading) and also that unless you are at a firm how do you know what to do? The transition will normally be from hobby / part time and so on, therefore it doesn't exactly come across as a profession as such to those who don't know about it. Also the main thing to any family / parent is security and stability for their kids so that adds a whole new level of potential conflict.

Having said that retraining for any job in the current climate is not sure to succeed.

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  #25 (permalink)
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I will admit to not having total support from my family. My current wife soon to be ex encouraged me to start trading and was very supportive so were my children.I have blown up two small accounts .
My wife then just lost confidence in trading and in me. My children are still supportive though.
The thing is that I closed my business which I had run for 20years and got myself in a position where I didn't have to work for two years (but she did) and we had a plan but after 12 months she has just decided that she is opting out .
So consequently I feel a little betrayed .
Even though my wife supported the idea of me trading she was not prepared for the amount of work required so she still asked for a lot of my time which affected my psychology . I have always remained positive as I know how difficult it is to remain successful in business and the work required and I believe that trading requires a similar amount of effort.
The thing is my second wife and I were having relationship problems not helped by a blended family and I suffered a lot of criticism over the years I think the trading just brought things to end which seems a relief in a lot of ways.
At least in the new year I will be living in a loving fully supportive home with two of my children without a partner and will be able to focus on trading without feeling guilty or compromised.

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  #26 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting @waza1960. Sorry to hear of your marital problems.

Just thinking out loud...

I think that in marriage, no single person can bear the full responsibility of the relationship working. It is a joint endeavor.

However, with trading, I feel that you have to take complete ownership and responsibility for your trades. Unless your wife was trading the same account, I think you have to separate the two issues here --- one is your trading performance, and two is the support from your family.

Without doubt, someone with a lot of support from their family is likely to do better. But, I don't think that lack of support from your family is a reason to perform poorly with trading.

Now that you are head of household (presumably) with your children living with you, you have to re-evaluate the priorities. I do not have children, and am not married, so I can pretty much do what I want -- but even I still have family obligations like caring for my mom, and those responsibilities come first before all else. In your case, I would imagine your kids come first before all else, so that may mean that one day you have to give up on your own dreams and ambitions because your kids take priority over them.

I hope it won't come to that, and I wish you success in being able to live your own dream while simultaneously taking care of your children. Hope you find happiness, that is what it is all about!

Mike

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  #27 (permalink)
the congo
 
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I know from personal experiance it is all too easy to neglect loved ones due to the constant persuit of your goals and aspirations. This can be extreemly detremental to a relationship. Its not just time spent with them but how you are with them, the way you react, where they feature in your priorities...so many things.

I think the most important thing to remember is that the markets will always be there, your loved ones may not. Also physical and mental excersise is imperative to success, you need to be healthy and happy to succeed.

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  #28 (permalink)
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Quoting 
However, with trading, I feel that you have to take complete ownership and responsibility for your trades. Unless your wife was trading the same account, I think you have to separate the two issues here --- one is your trading performance, and two is the support from your family.

I am not blaming anyone for my lack of trading success to date . Its just that my wife was always criticising my business and really pushing me to go into trading and then she's not prepared to let me stick to the plan that we agreed on.
I always put my family and children before all else I also look after my mother as well as my immediate family.I have tried to make the marriage work and put myself last to the extent that I am now on anti-depressants.
I am looking forward to just learning to trade/trading and looking after my children without constant criticism.
The trading is not the issue that has caused the marriage to break up its the fact that my wife can't handle living with my children and that I have aspergers which is hard to live with apparently the only positive for me is that once I have had enough I can cut emotional attachments fairly easily an advantage of aspergers I guess.
Thats one of the reasons that trading appeals to me it goes well with my aspergers traits like computers/maths/no need for much socializing etc.
My children don't want for anything and if I become short of money I will work if the trading doesn't provide an income. Hope this post is not too long or personal.
As far as the psychology goes having initial verbal support is one thing but if the other person doesn't understand trading then that support is very limited in that they often have unrealisic expectations no matter how hard you try and explain it to them.
Also the other thing is that if the other person has not had a business or achieved a successful career then they are naive about how much effort is required to become an expert or master in their field.I am lucky that I have achieved a high level in two previous careers and now hope to achieve this in trading.

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  #29 (permalink)
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Big Mike View Post
I'd like to talk about the psychology of having/not having support from your wife (and kids) in your trading business.


What do you guys think?

Mike

The preceding posts are compelling, and while the theme remains the same throughout, the individual stories are different and unique.The family-work dynamic is a very complex subject; it involves gender roles, career paths, time management, and even egos. In addition, cultural biases and the way we were raised by our original families, play an important role in how our current families respond and react to our vocational travails.

However,
I believe this issue transcends trading and the family-work dynamic, and goes to the very core of relationships. Support is one of the key components of a successful relationship. Especially when times are difficult or life changing, it is important that families work together and support each other while working toward a common goal. This doesn’t mean that your interests have to be perfectly aligned. But you should respect what your partner is trying to achieve, and allow them the freedom to pursue these interests while being supportive.

I have always believed that my family’s support is somehow implied, and have therefore, always taken it for granted. This expectation was natural because I had been raised in a very traditional 1950’s family structure, where the primary gender responsibilities were defined. The husbands were the “breadwinners”, and the wives were the “ homemakers” and caretakers of the children. “Father Knew Best”, and to say that the husband's role and career was somewhat more “prioritized” than the wife’s, is kind of like saying there was a “ little” racial discrimination during that era.

I have also taken my family’s support for granted, because it has always been there. My wife is extremely supportive and always encourages me to enjoy and excel at whatever endeavor I choose to undertake. Part of the reason for this unconditional support may be related to this 50’s ideal, but the predominant reason is our mutual respect for each other, and each others right to pursue our individual passions, while maintaining a common goal and purpose.

It is also important to keep one’s interests in the proper perspective. Trading provides me with an independent way to support my family, and also provides me with enjoyment and purpose. Yet, my family is my highest priority and is of the greatest value to me. I recognize that it may be necessary to compromise some of my goals and aspirations, in order to protect this higher priority, and fortunately my family has always appreciated my balancing act, and reciprocated with their understanding and unconditional support.

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  #30 (permalink)
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I have made a conscious decision not to educate my wife about trading. She has brought the beauty of art, travel and design in my life, which has become my second nature. It's exactly the opposite of trading.
This is the part where you do get excited, get emotional and get attached.
Introducing her to trading where you need to be stone cold calculated and disciplined would be like taking away from what I see as beautiful about her.

Now, if I was blowing up accounts left right and center, I would probably see some flying plates in the house which is a form of abstract art in motion.

All jokes aside, we cant blames spouses for lack of support if the bank account is going south.
Getting unconditional support is when one sees there is progress and advancement in one's career choices.
The key is honesty and telling your spouse the possible outcome ahead of starting not half way through.
I was honest, I said there are no guarantees and laid out all the possible out comes in my trading and career choices.

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