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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading


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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading

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  #251 (permalink)
 SomePsychoDude 
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If your "beloved" one does not support you in what you are doing just kick her. Life is too short for those kinda things.
You'll find another girl, much better.

If your parents do not support you, fuck them too. Just keep doing your thing.

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  #252 (permalink)
 bobwest 
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Big Mike View Post
I'd like to talk about the psychology of having/not having support from your wife (and kids) in your trading business.


SomePsychoDude View Post
If your "beloved" one does not support you in what you are doing just kick her. Life is too short for those kinda things.
You'll find another girl, much better.

If your parents do not support you, fuck them too. Just keep doing your thing.

This is not from me as a moderator, just a human being who has the usual human issues in his life, including other people not understanding everything I do. Traders have those issues because of our particular calling, but probably everyone does, in one way or another.

This post by @SomePsychoDude is one answer. Essentially, it's "screw them, my way or the highway." Most of us may not want to take that choice, but it does solve the problem in a way. However, it does have the downside that it may result in having a lot of alone time, which may be another problem. Many of us have more than enough of that already, and may not want to have more by kicking the people we care about out the door.

I don't want to bang on @SomePsychoDude too hard about this. Everyone can and does make their own choices, and lives with them. If you're satisfied with the life you've chosen, then it is, after all, your life and your business, and I wish you well.

But there may be other ways to deal with the problems of other people not understanding what we do, that do not involve our giving up what we enjoy, love, and often are obsessed with, and also that do not require us to live in isolation from everyone else.

The issue may not be that stark, but it's there. I don't think the problem is going away, somehow. Finding a workable solution is part of the job a trader has undertaken, when he/she first looks at a chart and says, "I can do this." We may not have known then that this was part of the job, but it is. This is a good thread. I hope more ideas and comments come out in it.

Bob.

When one door closes, another opens.
-- Cervantes, Don Quixote
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  #253 (permalink)
 SomePsychoDude 
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I don't think telling someone even to the beloved one that you're a professional gambler is a wise choice. A trader can be understood only by another trader.
I personally prefer to lie. Like, it's just a freelance, or I'm into translating job, etc...
I can tell also, that it doesn't matter, everybody does something for a living. I will provide you/family and what I'm doing is not of your concern.

and again strictly my opinion:
But, if you are already opened your mouth, and someone is holding you back... I personally, prefer to deal in the way that I wrote in the previous post.


P.S. Sorry for my speech. I prefer to be as direct as possible.

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  #254 (permalink)
 ursus 
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Judging by his posts I think PsychoDude is 15 years old.

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  #255 (permalink)
 ursus 
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The solution to family resistance is showing the potential. My wife is supportive of my trading, but at this point I am a breakeven trader at best, and can't justify increasing my account size to a meaningful level. Either way, no wife will complain if you start with a $100 account. No big deal if you blow it, but if you are consistently profitable, you can gradually increase it.

Slightly off topic, but another thing that worked well for me in the past is drawing income from the trading account. I used to trade South African index futures, and my account was around R100.000, give or take. I drew 10k every months to pay my wife a salary, no matter if I was up or down on the month. It worked incredibly well, in fact, as at the end of the year the profit was over 100%, and I know for sure that if I let the account grow I would overdo the size at some point, and overall profit would be considerably less.

This is obviously arguable, and people may prefer different ways. However, if you can demonstrate to your wife that she may benefit from your trading I think she may change her mind. Can be something small, such as flowers, a dinner, a gift; just tell her this is bough from your trading profits.

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  #256 (permalink)
 MrMojoRisin 
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ursus View Post
Judging by his posts I think PsychoDude is 15 years old.

You are 15 as well!
And I am now too!

"Who is John Galt?"
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  #257 (permalink)
 bobwest 
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SomePsychoDude View Post
...A trader can be understood only by another trader.
I personally prefer to lie. Like, it's just a freelance, or I'm into translating job, etc...
I can tell also, that it doesn't matter, everybody does something for a living. I will provide you/family and what I'm doing is not of your concern.

Most people actually like their wife or husband, and would not tell them that what they do for a living "is not of your concern." This sounds like a great way to not have someone in their life.

With this said, yes, it is hard for a non-trader to understand what a trader is doing, especially if things aren't going well, as they often do not, and when you need support more than ever.

So there's the heart of the dilemma.

Anyone have more ideas about dealing with it?

Bob.

When one door closes, another opens.
-- Cervantes, Don Quixote
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  #258 (permalink)
 deaddog 
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bobwest View Post

With this said, yes, it is hard for a non-trader to understand what a trader is doing, especially if things aren't going well, as they often do not, and when you need support more than ever.

So there's the heart of the dilemma.

Anyone have more ideas about dealing with it?

Bob.

Explain what you are doing. Not so much the set-ups or price action, but how you are trying to make a profit and why you aren't when things aren't going your way.

This forces you to be a better trader as you now have to rationalize your decisions to someone other than yourself.

Try explaining to someone why you took a large loss becase you didn't want to take a small loss.

"The days when I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days" RW Hubbard
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  #259 (permalink)
 AllSeeker 
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deaddog View Post
Explain what you are doing. Not so much the set-ups or price action, but how you are trying to make a profit and why you aren't when things aren't going your way.

This forces you to be a better trader as you now have to rationalize your decisions to someone other than yourself.

Try explaining to someone why you took a large loss becase you didn't want to take a small loss.

Fully agree here, my wife as previously mentioned, does not have any interest in trading at all, she thinks its too complicated and stress inducing, but she is also willing to support my likes. She also functions as my safety check, she can sense when I'm spiraling out and usually has firm handle on how to stop me before I do something stupid. That has effectively changed my life and not just trading for better. imo

I think your loved one is also your greatest supporter, you just need to communicate. If that is not working out it's very likely that you are in wrong relationship to begin with.

This is one of those topics where a clear solution which is also always applicable in all cases will never come out.

Every person is different, and its double the difficulty as here there are more than one involved.

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  #260 (permalink)
 vmodus 
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bobwest View Post
Most people actually like their wife or husband, and would not tell them that what they do for a living "is not of your concern." This sounds like a great way to not have someone in their life.

With this said, yes, it is hard for a non-trader to understand what a trader is doing, especially if things aren't going well, as they often do not, and when you need support more than ever.

So there's the heart of the dilemma.

Anyone have more ideas about dealing with it?

Bob.

@bobwest, I'm not sure I can add more than what I have already stated a while back. My wife now works in the 'industry' (not an independent trader any longer), and the crap she has to deal with.... well.... the best thing I can do is listen and be supportive. Do I care about unit splits and corporate actions and how many times someone fat fingers an account number causing all sorts of mess? Nope, but I stand by and am understanding. Having a glass of wine ready at the end of the day helps, too.

We expect the same from our spouse/significant other. As much as I love trading, I love my family more (and I looooovvvvveee trading). I'll kick trading to the curb before I kick them to the curb, because I love them and they are awesome. Trading can become and obsession/addiction, and it is real. When it starts to overtake our lives, then we need to step back and evaluate our lives and what is important.

~vmodus

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