This is probably the best futures.io (formerly BMT) thread I have come across.
My story goes back 8 years, covers 2 blown accounts, grappling to learn without a plan, following gurus, dropping gurus, trading alongside a demanding job, dropping the demanding job and losing money, suffering the inevitable anxieties (some occasional highs) and the rocky path that becoming a successful trader is.
Eventually reading & rereading Trading in the Zone, some hypnotherapy and a few other gems have helped me change. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. in my opinion you cannot be successful without 'knowing yourself' and that is partly why it takes time. We are raised to learn all sorts of subjects, but only seldom to learn about ourselves. As a result, there has been a dramatic turnaround in the last 4-6 months.
Anyhow, back to what this thread is about. My wife knows I have blown out 2 accounts. She doesn't know the numbers. As that is capital I earned before we married, I didn't feel that she needed to know. In that way I hid losses for a long time. Its simply not a good way to live.
After the stress got to me I went to see a psychologist / hypnotherapist a few times he got me to realise that the reason I wasn't sharing was not so much for the losses but that I feared she wouldn't understand and support me in what I wanted to be. I worried she would want me to go back to a corporate job that I had escaped from. That she wouldn't understand the trials and tribulations of trading etc.
So I shared a plan with her. Covering financial goals but also life style, family and so on. She was amazingly supportive. She told me that 'if this is the life you want to live, go for it. I want you to be happy'. She also likes the fact that I work from home and can spend time with our 2 young children. Not working for a blue chip name any longer doesn't bother her. But of course there are realities to life and bills have to be paid. If trading is not doing that for you, no point kidding yourself. That is our understanding. I give her an honest monthly tally of how the month went, and I also discuss occasional good and bad days. I would like to involve her more, and am looking to do that (somehow, but not sure how).
The upshot is that I no longer feel I need to hide anything. I am fully accountable, and don't want to fool either her or me. The negative thoughts and worries have largely gone. I have a monthly target (which I have doubled so far) and the benefits of having this support are immense. As I no longer hide anything form her, why should I kid myself with a losing position that 'should turn around'? Now I just get out and move on.
In a nutshell that's my story. There are still hurdles to overcome that others have mentioned e.g. ensuring you are undisturbed at home, and not becoming lonely. For me, support from my wife and being open have been the crucial factors. After all, she has a vested interest in my success.
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I can't even begin to express how helpful these excerpts from your post were. Thank you so very much. That was eye-opening for me and I can't wait to apply psychological practices to help combat this because I definitely struggle with similar situations.
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This is an excellent post, probably one of the best on the forum and agree with everything you say. I do exactly the same as you. We have a monthly meeting and I put forward all of my metrics, including targets and mistakes. A couple of times I've had poor performance but because I've been totally upfront and she understands the business she is fully supportive. At the end of the day our spouses are our business partners. It also keeps me fully accountable as I have to explain my actions to somebody who has a vested interest .
I think one of the biggest mistakes new traders make is they tell their partners upfront they can make all of this money trading. The partner sees this as a good thing initially for security reasons. The trader then struggles and keeps the partner shut out often hiding losses. Meanwhile the partner sees no financial results and a moody trader. Furthermore she sees friends with husbands in stable jobs who tell her trading is gambling and will probably lose all their money. This can all be avoided by setting simple expectations upfront, not making any promises and keeping the partner fully informed.
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Need help? 1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first. 2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses. 3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make. 4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance. 5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers. 6) Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.
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I would support with funding and all but I wanted to add that he cant have access to the funds other than a normal salary until he is much older. Most 18-25 year olds are not prepared for the kind of financial success that trading can lead to. I wish when I was 18, someone taught me what I know today, in terms of the markets, and also taught me how to be humble at the same time.
Last edited by Hulk; July 13th, 2014 at 07:05 PM.
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