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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading
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Support from wife/kids/loved ones in your trading

  #101 (permalink)
Trading Apprentice
Deerfield Beach, Fl Usa
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader
Favorite Futures: Es
 
Posts: 2 since Sep 2012
Thanks: 1 given, 5 received

Thanks

I'm thankful of having you all share how you deal with this issu. I will be using some of these strategies on my wife.

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  #102 (permalink)
 Vendor: www.indicatorx.com 
Bridgwater, UK
 
Futures Experience: Beginner
Platform: Ninjatrader
Broker/Data: MB Trading
Favorite Futures: Forex
 
mokodo's Avatar
 
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caryn23 View Post
Dear TMFT.

You are so sweet!!! Thank you again for sharing your great
Indicators and tools,G-D bless you for your big heart,You
Are always willing to help traders including myself.

That's the essence of futures.io (formerly BMT) right there - beautiful stuff

know thyself
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  #103 (permalink)
Observe. Know yourself
Granada, Spain
 
Futures Experience: Advanced
Platform: Multicharts
Broker/Data: IB
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Posts: 13 since Jan 2012
Thanks: 11 given, 40 received

Support without resistance


This is probably the best futures.io (formerly BMT) thread I have come across.

My story goes back 8 years, covers 2 blown accounts, grappling to learn without a plan, following gurus, dropping gurus, trading alongside a demanding job, dropping the demanding job and losing money, suffering the inevitable anxieties (some occasional highs) and the rocky path that becoming a successful trader is.

Eventually reading & rereading Trading in the Zone, some hypnotherapy and a few other gems have helped me change. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. in my opinion you cannot be successful without 'knowing yourself' and that is partly why it takes time. We are raised to learn all sorts of subjects, but only seldom to learn about ourselves. As a result, there has been a dramatic turnaround in the last 4-6 months.

Anyhow, back to what this thread is about. My wife knows I have blown out 2 accounts. She doesn't know the numbers. As that is capital I earned before we married, I didn't feel that she needed to know. In that way I hid losses for a long time. Its simply not a good way to live.

After the stress got to me I went to see a psychologist / hypnotherapist a few times he got me to realise that the reason I wasn't sharing was not so much for the losses but that I feared she wouldn't understand and support me in what I wanted to be. I worried she would want me to go back to a corporate job that I had escaped from. That she wouldn't understand the trials and tribulations of trading etc.

So I shared a plan with her. Covering financial goals but also life style, family and so on. She was amazingly supportive. She told me that 'if this is the life you want to live, go for it. I want you to be happy'. She also likes the fact that I work from home and can spend time with our 2 young children. Not working for a blue chip name any longer doesn't bother her. But of course there are realities to life and bills have to be paid. If trading is not doing that for you, no point kidding yourself. That is our understanding. I give her an honest monthly tally of how the month went, and I also discuss occasional good and bad days. I would like to involve her more, and am looking to do that (somehow, but not sure how).

The upshot is that I no longer feel I need to hide anything. I am fully accountable, and don't want to fool either her or me. The negative thoughts and worries have largely gone. I have a monthly target (which I have doubled so far) and the benefits of having this support are immense. As I no longer hide anything form her, why should I kid myself with a losing position that 'should turn around'? Now I just get out and move on.

In a nutshell that's my story. There are still hurdles to overcome that others have mentioned e.g. ensuring you are undisturbed at home, and not becoming lonely. For me, support from my wife and being open have been the crucial factors. After all, she has a vested interest in my success.

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  #104 (permalink)
Trading Apprentice
Gualala, CA
 
Futures Experience: Beginner
Platform: NinjaTrader
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Posts: 11 since Aug 2011
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dog4 View Post
In that way I hid losses for a long time. Its simply not a good way to live.

After the stress got to me I went to see a psychologist / hypnotherapist a few times he got me to realise that the reason I wasn't sharing was not so much for the losses but that I feared she wouldn't understand and support me in what I wanted to be. I worried she would want me to go back to a corporate job that I had escaped from. That she wouldn't understand the trials and tribulations of trading etc.

So I shared a plan with her. Covering financial goals but also life style, family and so on. She was amazingly supportive. She told me that 'if this is the life you want to live, go for it. I want you to be happy'.

The upshot is that I no longer feel I need to hide anything. I am fully accountable, and don't want to fool either her or me. The negative thoughts and worries have largely gone.

As I no longer hide anything form her, why should I kid myself with a losing position that 'should turn around'? Now I just get out and move on.

I can't even begin to express how helpful these excerpts from your post were. Thank you so very much. That was eye-opening for me and I can't wait to apply psychological practices to help combat this because I definitely struggle with similar situations.

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  #105 (permalink)
Identify Evaluate Execute
Mercer Island WA
 
Futures Experience: Advanced
Platform: Ninjatrader/Strategy Desk
Broker/Data: Various
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djkiwi's Avatar
 
Posts: 561 since May 2010
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Quoting 
So I shared a plan with her. Covering financial goals but also life style, family and so on. She was amazingly supportive. She told me that 'if this is the life you want to live, go for it. I want you to be happy'. She also likes the fact that I work from home and can spend time with our 2 young children. Not working for a blue chip name any longer doesn't bother her. But of course there are realities to life and bills have to be paid. If trading is not doing that for you, no point kidding yourself. That is our understanding. I give her an honest monthly tally of how the month went, and I also discuss occasional good and bad days. I would like to involve her more, and am looking to do that (somehow, but not sure how).

The upshot is that I no longer feel I need to hide anything. I am fully accountable, and don't want to fool either her or me. The negative thoughts and worries have largely gone. I have a monthly target (which I have doubled so far) and the benefits of having this support are immense. As I no longer hide anything form her, why should I kid myself with a losing position that 'should turn around'? Now I just get out and move on.

In a nutshell that's my story. There are still hurdles to overcome that others have mentioned e.g. ensuring you are undisturbed at home, and not becoming lonely. For me, support from my wife and being open have been the crucial factors. After all, she has a vested interest in my success.

@dog4

This is an excellent post, probably one of the best on the forum and agree with everything you say. I do exactly the same as you. We have a monthly meeting and I put forward all of my metrics, including targets and mistakes. A couple of times I've had poor performance but because I've been totally upfront and she understands the business she is fully supportive. At the end of the day our spouses are our business partners. It also keeps me fully accountable as I have to explain my actions to somebody who has a vested interest .

I think one of the biggest mistakes new traders make is they tell their partners upfront they can make all of this money trading. The partner sees this as a good thing initially for security reasons. The trader then struggles and keeps the partner shut out often hiding losses. Meanwhile the partner sees no financial results and a moody trader. Furthermore she sees friends with husbands in stable jobs who tell her trading is gambling and will probably lose all their money. This can all be avoided by setting simple expectations upfront, not making any promises and keeping the partner fully informed.

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  #106 (permalink)
Elite Member
Hong Kong
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
Platform: NinjaTrader, TWS
Broker/Data: IB/Kinetick
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Posts: 233 since Jan 2012
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Great thread. Here's a video that covers the basic problem many traders have, as mentioned in many posts above. A little course language used, so do not watch if the F (not Fibonacci) word offends:

YouTube Local Trader Video

The second person sounds very much like many of the significant others here. But not dogs obviously.

Richard
Hong Kong

Last edited by RichardHK; April 2nd, 2013 at 08:30 AM.
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  #107 (permalink)
Banned: trolling
NYC + NY / USA
 
Futures Experience: Advanced
Platform: "I trade, therefore, I AM!"; Theme Song: "Atomic Dog!"
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Posts: 798 since Oct 2009
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Cloudy View Post
After all my failed dates and still being single, even though finding success in trading is a poor substitute, it's better than being with someone that I definitely do not want to be with.

take a trip overseas, pick any spot you favor "those flavors",

and come back and report to us, what you found..... (hehehehehe)

you might make us your second stop, after heading over to the court house to arrange for a marriage visa....


ok, don't believe me, then

Tahiti,
Rio & Sao Paulo
Greece
Indonesia
South Africa
Maldives
Hungary

ahh, shucks, just about anywheres


Last edited by kronie; April 2nd, 2013 at 10:41 AM.
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  #108 (permalink)
Site Administrator
Manta, Ecuador
 
Futures Experience: Advanced
Platform: My own custom solution
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Big Mike's Avatar
 
Posts: 46,240 since Jun 2009
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New poll posted, and I am using this thread as the anchor since it seemed most relevant.

What if your 18 year old child told you they wanted to focus on being a professional trader?

Total votes: 592
 


Mike

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  #109 (permalink)
Elite Member
Texas, USA
 
Futures Experience: Intermediate
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Broker/Data: NxCore
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Posts: 215 since May 2014
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Big Mike View Post
New poll posted, and I am using this thread as the anchor since it seemed most relevant.

Mike

I would support with funding and all but I wanted to add that he cant have access to the funds other than a normal salary until he is much older. Most 18-25 year olds are not prepared for the kind of financial success that trading can lead to. I wish when I was 18, someone taught me what I know today, in terms of the markets, and also taught me how to be humble at the same time.


Last edited by Hulk; July 13th, 2014 at 08:05 PM.
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  #110 (permalink)
Elite Member
Philadelphia
 
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I'd get them trading well before 18


Last edited by Itchymoku; July 13th, 2014 at 08:42 PM.
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