Recently I have been thinking about this topic and I made some conclusions which I want to share.
Why do some traders find it difficult to be in a relationship and why some industry leaders are attracted to hookers?
Let me start with a more fundamental question: WHAT creates attraction between men and women?
I would argue it's just the looks. It's not. A lot of hotties have no brains or just have an "impossible" personality. You know what I mean... The true attraction is based on the interaction (harmony) of the 2 persons emotions. Meaning you can fully accept the other persons emotional state and just feel good being in that atmoshpere.
- To me this idea was somewhat new, so think about it and decide if it fits your logic -
Few examples: if you are very enthusiastic, you don't want to be with a person who is very reserved. Or as a matter of fact if you enjoy being more enthusiastic than other, you don't want to be with someone who is more enthusiastic than you are.
Same thing goes for romance or feeling helpful or smart or whatever. If you are smart, you don't want to be with a dumb girl, yet you don't want to be with a girl who (thinks) too smart of herself either.
So being in a relationship is very much an emotional experience therefore you will feel yourself well in a relationship where the emotional states match each other. And when they don't you just want to break up. Pretty simple huh?
The question is in what kind of emotional state you are and how trading is affecting it or not.
A) If you are putting money on the table which matters to you and you keep loosing, you are going to be depressed. You will more likely to find depressed women attractive (maybe because subcounciously you would think they can understand you better) but in the end this kind of relationship is not good because you are holding each other back. So if you are losing money and/or depressed, don't get into a relationship - period.
B) You are both winning and losing (let's say big time). You get in an emotional roller-coster when one day you feel high - king of the hill who has the ability to live and do WHATEVER he wants - and the other day like a junkie who is about to lose his pants. What kind of women will you get attracted to (and attract to yourself)? Bipolar. Those who have big emotional swings. Who you think are passionate but in reality just having issues and being bipolar. Do you have a good chance of having a harmonic relationship with such women? NO! Unless you love to argue and have an expensive life insurance convering your heart attacks or strokes.
C) If you are winning, you obviously don't want to be with someone who is just "getting by". You want to have somebody with a high energy level. With an entrepreneurial spirit, who have the drive and know how to bounce back when difficulties come. Someone who knows how to enjoy life - likes to explore and do new things.
So the moral of all this: don't be in a relationship if you are not emotionally stable.
Don't be in a relationship either if your partner is not emotionally stable.
This is the core foundation of having a working relationship.
Realising this gives me an impression that by raising standards for yourself we inevitably raise the expectations of the mate we would accept. I had a similar experience when I was working out and doing all kinds of sport: after 1-2 years I got in a really good shape (ripped?), because I wanted to attract more physicly attractive women (it worked) BUT my perception and my expectations rose by so much that I wouldn't find those women overly attractive because they only (if) they matched my level. So by raising standards for yourself you raise standards for others too. So becoming better doesn't make life any easier.
The point is I shared with you my last pararaph is I want to hear your experience on this, so please share.
And finally why do some industry leaders get attracted to (expensive) hookers?
Well, they are in the same empional state: no romantic needs (surpressed emotions?) and feeling the importance of money (this is why both of them do what they do). So the people who go to hookers are hookers themself on an emotional level.
The following 2 users say Thank You to Yuri57 for this post:
I am lucky to have a wife who started trading also this year. She understands what is trading all about, that every trade is a risk and that you need to pick those trades with the less possible risk and the best risk reward.
After 10 years of marriage we found a new 'common' activity, conversation, exchange and complicity. We both have different styles and approaches. Wife is definitely not the IT wizard nor the number wizard, but is able to make profitable trades in a different way. I am trying to mentor here and make her advance.
I have seen the another thread by Big Mike where you could conclude that the situation is always that the man is trading (sometimes perceived as gambling or being busy by the partner). I just wanted to share with you that other situations exist, but i agree, its % less common.
I am not sure that the discussion started by Yuri57 is only valid for trading. I think it is general valid for any career situation where you need to invest yourself or a self employed job where you are personal on the line. In a more generalized way, the discussion is equally valid there, but in trading being emotional/mental stable is important. If you are disturbed, you are not in good shape to make clear decisions.
Yes I know other traders/friends who loose money, they even need to hide that for the wife, or ... big time trouble is up. Then how can that person be a trader, sit behind the screen and be calm and serene ? He is already stressed out of the idea, his partner will find out. And when he did a good trade wants to share the joy with his wife and when he looses money, prefer to go by under the carpet invisible...
The following 2 users say Thank You to rleplae for this post:
Industry leaders can afford hookers, so why not, do you think if we had near limitless money we wouldn't be doing the same ( hell I'm poor and treat myself occasionally ), industry leaders also likely don't have religous ethics holding them back ( like me LOL )
Attraction wise :-
Men pretty much fancy everything, we don't do the choosing we just take what's offered to us.
Woman, they look for mainly the traits they like about themselves, normally hair style seriously, doing something with your hair and watch as woman's interest increases.
woman, are never going to be men, our brains are different, the few woman I've met, which like men things are completely MAD 1 was literally a pyschopath, so I've suggest having a relationship where you do things together, but keep doing what you like aswell.
The following user says Thank You to Turveyd for this post:
Actually, you'd be surprised, don't judge based on what they do to pay the bills, I was seeing this 1 escort in a none paying way, totally, she wouldn't let me pay for anything, very very nice girl, intelligent, good looking, great in bed shame her husband found out LOL, obviously there are druggy hookers but there not all that way. I know another girlie called Eva aswell, she's just lovely also!
Thought it was more about the souls than the looks LOL
I agree, I did spike my fringe once as an experiment loads of female interest, week before dressed the same, no spike zero interest, but I don't bother as don't want woman that brainless really.
I guess above girlie and the really good luck, balances out the other nutters I've seen LOL
The following user says Thank You to Turveyd for this post:
I think basically it all has to do with either 1. the trader isn't making a lot of money like he anticipated and the woman feels a lack of security which pushes her to leave him or 2. he's making too much money and eventually realizes either he's out of her league and decides to pursue others or she's causing him unneeded negativity which is affecting his trading. That being said there still are many traders who are happily in relationships and half of American's get divorced despite trading.
The following 2 users say Thank You to Itchymoku for this post: