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How are people dealing with issues at home?
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View Poll Results: Do you have a separate trading office outside your home?
Yes - Got to hide from the family 4 12.50%
No - I am the king of my castle 27 84.38%
No - I am the queen of my castle 1 3.13%
Voters: 32. You may not vote on this poll

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How are people dealing with issues at home?

  #1 (permalink)
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greenroomhoo's Avatar
 
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How are people dealing with issues at home?

When I originally began this journey, one of my perceived benefits was: "no more commuting". Set up a nice home office, close the door, and i would be all smiles and happy.

Now I am finding being at my home as one of my biggest impediments. I need complete silence to concentrate with no distractions (wife, kids etc.). The problem is that i cannot, for the life of me, get everyone to respect my home office.

Everyone thinks the same thing: I only need two minutes, so its not that big of a deal..... I dont know about others, but those little five minute distractions just about destroy my concentration for much longer than the five minutes. Without exception that little interruption comes right as you are about to enter the winner (which you now dont) after taking two losers....

Anyone else have this issue? How have you dealt with it? I am seriously considering renting an office somewhere..ironically. Anyone else do that?

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  #2 (permalink)
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  #3 (permalink)
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Big Mike's Avatar
 
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Yes, plenty of people rent offices.

But you really should be able to get your family to respect you. Would they call you during the day at the office?

Perhaps they don't respect you because you, in some way, are not respecting yourself and your profession - so they pick up on the fact you don't take it seriously, so they don't. Just a possibility, I am not saying it's true or have any idea why it would be... but it seems like they would have a reason (wife especially) to disrespect you.

Mike

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  #4 (permalink)
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Sounds exactly like my "story" when I first went full-time. Almost exactly word for word in fact. After taking losses that I wouldn't have normally taken due to emotional state of mind (stress around me as described), I made the move to a private office. If budget and trading permits, look into renting a small office away from home (executive suites, etc).

Before you attempt to beat the odds, make sure you can survive the odds beating you.
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  #5 (permalink)
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I think this definitely comes down to a lack of respect. There needs to be clearly defined rules that everyone abides by. For example if your office door is closed then you are not to be disturbed, no exceptions. If your office door is open or you happen to be getting something to eat/drink from the kitchen then the family is welcome to engage you until such time as you are in your office with the door closed again.

This will likely not be something that just happens, you will need to sit down with your wife and discuss your concerns and the reasons for the new rules. Once your wife understands and agrees to the new rules, you can then both discuss this with the kids. Both parents will be laying out the rules to the kids together with a united front,...always a good thing.

In my opinion most things can be resolved by an open and honest discussion with a partner and the setting out of clearly defined rules. If that doesn't work then ultimately renting some office space may be the only option.

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  #6 (permalink)
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In my opinion, you should move to an office, it will also give you the sense of going to work in the morning and coming back home at night. perhaps it adds seriousness to your job dunno, but it is important for your wife, kids and people around you, otherwise they see you as simply not working...

Although I now have a full time job that is non-trading related, and I manage my fund on the side; I ran into that same problem in the past where I used obviously to stay home to trade while my girlfriend wakes up, dresses up and goes to work in an office in the early morning.

Her conception was that I stayed home all day and I had nothing to do or lots of free time; and she would even blame me of not doing the cleaning in the meanwhile, going to the supermarket, or anything else we needed for that day. It was hard for her to believe to the deep of herself that I was working, and doing a difficult job too that required full time attention and concentration.

I ended up buying a small studio, in the name of my company, turned it out into an office and it was better for both of us - on top of it being a good investment too in real-estate for the longer run

Just sharing my own experience

Good luck
Fadi

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  #7 (permalink)
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My family (mostly just my wife these days) started taking my trading seriously the same time I did, as Mike suggests might happen, but also because I will bite the head off anyone who knocks on the trading room door before 11:30 EST. Afternoons and evening are for trading research if there is no family business to attend to.

The downside to a trading room in the house for me at least has been first that sleeping patterns suffered and for a long time there was no pattern. Lately after confining myself to trading the London session I'm in bed by 8 or 9 pm. Second, once folks start leaving you alone you run the risk of becoming a hermit--not getting dressed, not leaving the house, looking, acting and smelling like one. I'm still clawing my way back from that one.

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  #8 (permalink)
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well getting three small children to follow strict rules is a very very very low probability trade.....

while getting the wife to follow strict rules is higher probability, the stopouts are very painful




Big Mike View Post
Yes, plenty of people rent offices.

But you really should be able to get your family to respect you. Would they call you during the day at the office?

Perhaps they don't respect you because you, in some way, are not respecting yourself and your profession - so they pick up on the fact you don't take it seriously, so they don't. Just a possibility, I am not saying it's true or have any idea why it would be... but it seems like they would have a reason (wife especially) to disrespect you.

Mike


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  #9 (permalink)
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OP,

You want peace – get some sony (or other) noise canceling head phones – put on some baroque or other calming tunes – trade on (for that matter you could record some affirmations and listen to them)

Also, explain to them..., headphones on - dad is off limits


Family will always be family (God love em)… but none of them can appreciate the mental state/ zone/ focus/ centrism – we must maintain


Just a thought

RN

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  #10 (permalink)
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greenroomhoo View Post
well getting three small children to follow strict rules is a very very very low probability trade.....

while getting the wife to follow strict rules is higher probability, the stopouts are very painful

I read what Mike wrote above and it resonated with me, and I think this is exactly what might be happening. With respect to your wife, does she see trading as a viable income generating tool? Would she still disturb you if she knew that it might cost thousands of dollars to do so? Not likely. She possibly views trading as more of a hobby, and it's possible she sees it that way because you may not have created a picture for her. Talk with her and share your vision with her. Do you envision one day being very successful and making lots of money? I hope so. So, share this vision with her. Explain to her that sitting and waiting in trading (after planning of course) is the equivalent of making calls, emailing, and all that other crap that is "work" to most people. If she can see your vision, she is more likely to respect your privacy. See it from her perspective--you are sitting at a computer all day. But if you can get her to alter her own perspective that this is what you hope to be doing with your future, then she is more likely to be on board. Just my 0.02 from experience. Women in particular need reassurance of security. Take care of this need and life will be easier for you.

Be careful with other suggestions here, about "door closed = do not enter" and the like. A rule is fine, actually I have this as a general guideline, but particularly during your learning phase, you may not have earned the "right" to command others when to do your bidding. If you are pulling a few G's a day, then you will have already earned the respect that you won't even have to say anything, most likely. You may be working at home, but remember, wife != coworker, so don't treat her as such.

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