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How are people dealing with issues at home?
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View Poll Results: Do you have a separate trading office outside your home?
Yes - Got to hide from the family 4 12.50%
No - I am the king of my castle 27 84.38%
No - I am the queen of my castle 1 3.13%
Voters: 32. You may not vote on this poll

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How are people dealing with issues at home?

  #11 (permalink)
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josh View Post
Be careful with other suggestions here, about "door closed = do not enter" and the like. A rule is fine, actually I have this as a general guideline, but particularly during your learning phase, you may not have earned the "right" to command others when to do your bidding. If you are pulling a few G's a day, then you will have already earned the respect that you won't even have to say anything, most likely. You may be working at home, but remember, wife != coworker, so don't treat her as such.

Just a thought,...how would you get to a point where you've earned the right to close your door if you are constantly interrupted and your P&L is directly suffering? In my opinion it has nothing to do with asking your wife to 'do your bidding'. It has everything to do with the mutual respect that should exist in a marriage.

I do however agree that a spouse needs to understand what you are trying to do from your perspective. Hence sitting down and discussing it as per my previous post.

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  #12 (permalink)
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It IS about respect. You have to force family members to respect your space when you are trying to earn money.

The reason you have to force them to do it because they don't understand.

My wife (for example) is very supportive of my trading, she understands the concepts behind what I am doing and she understands my trading systems, we talk about them often but she has absolutely no idea what it's like to actually trade.

She respects my space because she understands that I need her to do so in order to make the business work, she's on board. This didn't come naturally, I had to instill this into her by explaining what I was doing and why it was important. Most importantly, what helped the most was to realistically demonstrate how much money could be made. That really did the trick.

She keeps the kids out of the room and doesn't have them charging about, shouting and screaming when I'm trading.

You have to let your family know that this is serious stuff, it's a business, get them on board, lay down the rules and be strict about them. You're the Man of the house, get them told!

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  #13 (permalink)
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great thoughts guys - many thanks for sharing. wife is probably a bit spoiled by my career. I have mastered that to the point where i regularly do presentations over the phone while changing diapers.

ill just focus on retraining her and others (and get a pair of headphones - i like this the best).

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  #14 (permalink)
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Think about the following question (think, don't try please!)...

What would happen if you would just lock the door while trading?

If this would likely spark a fight with your better half, I would say you don't share the same viewpoint regarding your trading venture and it might be time to talk about your different views...

vvhg

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  #15 (permalink)
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I did not say or mean that one needs to earn the right to close the door. We do that when we go to the bathroom, after all, hopefully anyway! What I am trying to say (not so well I'm afraid) is that there seems to be a bit of a tone in some of the recommendations that encourages a brute force approach, which IMO does not generally turn out well in the longer run. For example, someone said he would "bite the head off of anyone" who came in the room. And "you have to force family members to respect your space." News flash--you cannot force respect.

The bottom line is this: if a significant other sees you preparing for trading, reading and educating yourself, studying it, and then hears you talk about positive advances you are making, while you paint a vision for her about the security that you are trying to bring to her (though security is an illusion, 99% of all women crave this due to their emotional makeup, more so than men), then she will be much more likely to be in your corner. This is very different from a brute force approach that does not appeal to the heart and mind of your significant other. A good general is well loved by his troops, and his troops follow him anywhere he gives the order, because he has earned their respect, and the troops see his vision. It is a delicate balance as a man who will take the lead, yet do so gently enough with a woman so that she follows and walks side-by-side with him, without having to be dragged along.

This is probably a limitation of internet communication, because we are all likely on a similar page, but the uniqueness of each one's individual circumstances is not visible.

Finally, I think that while a distraction is a bad thing, it is far too easy to blame losses and poor performance on it. Do you think traders at a prop firm, for example, have pin drop silence? If you think having someone come in the room is bad, how about the distraction of many computers and traders all working at the same time? And what if the local landscape crew fires up a blower right outside your window or your neighbor cuts the grass, or a nearby dog won't stop barking? While distractions are a nuisance, they are a part of life, and my guess is that the best traders perform well in spite of them. Granted, it is not a workable solution if someone is walking in the room and actually engaging you in conversation constantly though.

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  #16 (permalink)
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God bless all - @greenroomhoo for starting this thread, and for the multi-colored hues that the replies reverberated.

The sentiment in this thread and the other thread Do You Admit To Being A Trader? echo in my life many times over and over, turning me into a walking zombie sometimes.

If you cannot admit being a trader AND stay at home and expect no disturbances then you can imagine that things can get pretty complicated very quickly.

Sometimes I just feel like retiring to a cave and working my ass off trading but that does not work. I trade because I want to give my kids and wife an even better lifestyle than they currently enjoy (which currently is very good to excellent by Indian standards) but the greater reason is to be able to have time for them and to enjoy wealth (both the earning and the giving) together. Mostly I trade so that one day I can allow myself to walk in the park with my kids, take more part in growth activities, get time to do things that I always wanted to pursue etc. Being a hermit certainly wasn't one of them (well, it was at one point - I read Walden by Henry David Thoreau about one hundred times as a teenager and would be fascinated by his insights and experiences each time anew)

Finally each one needs to carve out his own path, but I seem to have found a secret pressure cooker vent here which alllowed me to let my steam off.... hisssssssssssssss!!!!!!

Some gems from this thread (there may be others but these are pieces of art - thank you @Big Mike for having this forum - some days I had nightmares that I would have been in an asylum had it not been for the helpful folks here ):




Fadi View Post
In my opinion, you should move to an office, it will also give you the sense of going to work in the morning and coming back home at night. perhaps it adds seriousness to your job dunno, but it is important for your wife, kids and people around you, otherwise they see you as simply not working...

I ran into that same problem in the past where I used obviously to stay home to trade while my girlfriend wakes up, dresses up and goes to work in an office in the early morning.

Her conception was that I stayed home all day and I had nothing to do or lots of free time; and she would even blame me of not doing the cleaning in the meanwhile, going to the supermarket, or anything else we needed for that day. It was hard for her to believe to the deep of herself that I was working, and doing a difficult job too that required full time attention and concentration.

I ended up buying a small studio, in the name of my company, turned it out into an office and it was better for both of us - on top of it being a good investment too in real-estate for the longer run





bnichols View Post

... once folks start leaving you alone you run the risk of becoming a hermit--not getting dressed, not leaving the house, looking, acting and smelling like one. I'm still clawing my way back from that one.




greenroomhoo View Post
well getting three small children to follow strict rules is a very very very low probability trade.....

while getting the wife to follow strict rules is higher probability, the stopouts are very painful





josh View Post

She possibly views trading as more of a hobby, and it's possible she sees it that way because you may not have created a picture for her. Talk with her and share your vision with her. Do you envision one day being very successful and making lots of money? I hope so. So, share this vision with her. Explain to her that sitting and waiting in trading (after planning of course) is the equivalent of making calls, emailing, and all that other crap that is "work" to most people. If she can see your vision, she is more likely to respect your privacy. See it from her perspective--you are sitting at a computer all day. But if you can get her to alter her own perspective that this is what you hope to be doing with your future, then she is more likely to be on board. Women in particular need reassurance of security. Take care of this need and life will be easier for you.


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  #17 (permalink)
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well - we all have to find our own balance for success. for me its calm, quiet and virtually no distraction. Others have their own ways.

Maybe mastery will lessen my need for quiet but that is where i am today.



josh View Post
I did not say or mean that one needs to earn the right to close the door. We do that when we go to the bathroom, after all, hopefully anyway! What I am trying to say (not so well I'm afraid) is that there seems to be a bit of a tone in some of the recommendations that encourages a brute force approach, which IMO does not generally turn out well in the longer run. For example, someone said he would "bite the head off of anyone" who came in the room. And "you have to force family members to respect your space." News flash--you cannot force respect.

The bottom line is this: if a significant other sees you preparing for trading, reading and educating yourself, studying it, and then hears you talk about positive advances you are making, while you paint a vision for her about the security that you are trying to bring to her (though security is an illusion, 99% of all women crave this due to their emotional makeup, more so than men), then she will be much more likely to be in your corner. This is very different from a brute force approach that does not appeal to the heart and mind of your significant other. A good general is well loved by his troops, and his troops follow him anywhere he gives the order, because he has earned their respect, and the troops see his vision. It is a delicate balance as a man who will take the lead, yet do so gently enough with a woman so that she follows and walks side-by-side with him, without having to be dragged along.

This is probably a limitation of internet communication, because we are all likely on a similar page, but the uniqueness of each one's individual circumstances is not visible.

Finally, I think that while a distraction is a bad thing, it is far too easy to blame losses and poor performance on it. Do you think traders at a prop firm, for example, have pin drop silence? If you think having someone come in the room is bad, how about the distraction of many computers and traders all working at the same time? And what if the local landscape crew fires up a blower right outside your window or your neighbor cuts the grass, or a nearby dog won't stop barking? While distractions are a nuisance, they are a part of life, and my guess is that the best traders perform well in spite of them. Granted, it is not a workable solution if someone is walking in the room and actually engaging you in conversation constantly though.


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  #18 (permalink)
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josh View Post
For example, someone said he would "bite the head off of anyone" who came in the room. And "you have to force family members to respect your space." News flash--you cannot force respect.

Yeah, while I did use the word "force" I didn't mean throw your mouse at the door if she asks you to empty the dishwasher, or wants to dump the kids on you while you are in the middle of a trade.

I said "force" because you need to physically get them to tune in with your ideas, to get them on board. You need to make them do it, they won't figure out what you need by themselves

How you do this is up to you. What I did was explained what I was planning to do and demonstrated how it can make us lots and lots of money over time, that's all it took to get her on board.

Once you have people on on board with the idea, set some ground rules, then you need to be strict about them. Not aggressively so, just don't accept infringement of the rules. But that works both ways, you have to respect the rules also. Like I said, you're the man.

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  #19 (permalink)
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Most of the time I'm alone by myself at home. Got tunes going the way I like them, can get in the trading groove. If my wife is home, will drop lot size. She leaves me alone, but it isn't the same. Have a nice place in the house. Fuzzy bunny slippers work better for my trading pnl......

A friend rented a place in town. Kept having the cops show up at the door. Kept explaining that trading wasn't a 9-5 job.

My problem is with the dog. Have a Golden Retriever who gets at least a mile run every morning. Every time I take her for a run, a market that I'd been watching will take off. This is the only sure thing in trading.

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  #20 (permalink)
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dbarno View Post
My problem is with the dog. Have a Golden Retriever who gets at least a mile run every morning. Every time I take her for a run, a market that I'd been watching will take off. This is the only sure thing in trading.

You will always see similar stories or theories. Every time I get interrupted by xyz, I missed a move. Every time I had to take a bathroom break, the market broke out. I had to run an errand, the market always moves while I am gone.

etc
etc
etc

Bottom line is most of the time it's hindsight trading which is mostly completely worthless. If you are convinced that it is not hindsight trading, then make adjustments accordingly.

BTW, I "miss" moves all the time. Who cares, I have to sleep, eat, and live my life. While I am in front of the computer I trade what I see. When I am away from the computer I don't care about my charts.

Mike

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