Actually, that may have been a way to start this. I am still undecided.
When I have been out drinking, and I mean that was the main intent, I may come up with some thoughts and put them down but then come back to them. And I had gotten used to doing that here, unedited, and then came back later and deleted, or modified, or whatever. It was also a living scratch pad.
I am not even sure "censored" was the right word. I was not expecting such fast interaction. So it started with a raw drunk thought, to move to a "final" thread, I emailed the guys who were wanting to be mentored, and a few others close to me...
Then I received spontaneous feedback. And the thought of the thread revolved around some feeling I had come to focus over the past few months, which was starting to gain strength exponentially, daily. @Big Mike appeared in the conversation, and while there is no inflection in texts or emails, we tend to render them with inflection as we interpret them. And I saw him as "who goes there?", sort of, trying to throw some visual on it. He was not even the center of my rejection. But sure did wind up playing the part that night, unaware of it it seems, having gone back and re-read. Until i accepted my fate... that being, that this was not going to be a popular thread, and at some point I may "defend" my thoughts to the point of being banned. And felt it was worth it.
I have been wanting to document the psychological path that I took, and this last move that I have experienced is the most insightful times infinity +1. According to me. Which may have no impact on anyone other than, me. I am not the one to make that decision.
I had decided this thread would address some things that are no where near acceptable dialogue in mainstream, and gave it some warning signs right up front.
I am also not angry with @Patrick S. I have told lifelong friends to "blow me", as we fuck with each other over too many beers. It is a language accepted as even "endearing", in man terms. My friend, who just lost his kidneys from being blown up in Afganistan... Who I was with yesterday... I would say those words to him. And we would be joking, or poking at each other, "trash talking" at a neighborhood basketball game...
I had already governed myself, as Mike pointed out, by deleting the thread in mention. I knew, just as Mike knew, that was not necessary nor considerate. I meant it, but it was not something that seemed would be generally accepted.
And something in that 10+/- little posts of heaven, was very similar to being analogous to something that changed in my mind regarding my trading.
This is where I came to expand on that, and made some closing posts in the Gary's Place thread.
I am not sure yet if I should keep it here, as it got knocked way of course before it even started. It gave a fast glimpse into the energy that , I cannot find a better definition of than "ricochet". But it is not an out of control element when applied to my trading.
I think 7-8 people have now traded live with me. I would like to have them post if they noticed anything different about my trading versus theirs.
The following user says Thank You to GaryD for this post:
Ok I ll chime in now, as @Big Mike knows or sees, I really dont post to anyone's personal experiences or their pathways they choose in trading as of late, but here I am (u must be special) lol. Probably Im responding because of the way you evolved, first off everyone has emotional rides thru their trading careers. It "SUCKS" and most just dont express it or evolve to the latter stages. To the one's that have, we can relate to your journal, I remember back when you were using MA lines etc in ur trading I didnt follow along that much, but in recent times,I enjoy checking in. The main reason I can now relate to you now, and I listened in on a recent skype CL live trading calls, you reinforced ever core guideline a "real"trader must do. cut losers short,manage capital, manage emotions and have a high level of confidence on who's getting screwed
This thread is raw to someone who doesnt get it or know you personally.