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The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something,
then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off:
"I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next:
"I sold magazines," she said,
"I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would
keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.
The teacher held her breath ...
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped
a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,
"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny,
"I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog ****!"
Then I would say,"It is dog ****. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the governmental approach of giving you something ****ty that they say is good,
and then making you pay to get the ****ty taste out of your mouth."
Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with
a
great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy
for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat,
just
waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. tits out to here, Mike.
Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She
couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of
the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you
happy about today Pat?"
"Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat,
just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to
here, Mike. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your
boat?'
I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way
out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the
key
and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She
couldn't swim!"
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there
cryin'
over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat,
just
waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits
WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a
ride in your boat?'
So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way
out,
Mike, way WAY out... much further than the last two.
I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either
screw or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and.....She had a pecker, Mike! She had this
great BIG pecker! ... and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on
> the door.
> The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing
> in
> the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
>
> "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
>
> He slams the door and returns to bed.
>
> "Who was that?" asked his wife.
>
> "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
>
> "Did you help him?" she asks.
>
> "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
> there!"
>
> "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
> about
> three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? .
> I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God
> loves drunk people too."
>
> The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
> rain.
>
> He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
>
> "Yes," comes back the answer.
>
> "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
>
> "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
>
> "Where are you?" asks the husband.
>
> "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:...... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:....... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe..
Clinton :... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :....... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined..
Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:...... Jack teaches Rose to spit..
Clinton :.... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :...... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :...... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of sea men.
Clinton :..... Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :...... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
After all, it's what you learn AFTER you know it all, that counts!
